Gratitude
In this holiday season it is easy to forget what all of the commotion is about. We forget that this time – for so many people of the world – is an opportunity to connect to that which is so much bigger than any of us. When you are a man in recovery your memories of past holidays may be clouded by your inability or reluctance to remember what you did, how you behaved, and the wreckage you caused. Now that you are sober, your memories of the holidays may also be full of painful times from childhood, adolescence, and your adult life. You find yourself losing focus. And so we have gratitude to guide us through the potentially rocky terrain of terra holiday.
I will never forget the first time early in my recovery I heard someone talk about gratitude. I sat there thinking, “What a stupid idea! What have I got to be grateful for?” Since that time I have come to understand that no matter what my situation I always have something for which I can be grateful and so gratitude has become an essential part of my daily practice in how I take care of myself. In fact, the practice of gratitude is one of the reasons I am sober today. The following are a few parts of my life today for which I am deeply grateful: I am 36 years old and fourteen years in long-term recovery. I have been given a new life! I am married to a wonderful and incredible woman; my relationships with my family have been restored; I have a challenging job where I get to make a real difference in people’s lives and have been able to keep it for seven years; I am about to publish my first book -a childhood dream of mine, and more importantly, I can live comfortably in my skin on a daily basis and not turn to alcohol or other drugs. I am part of the human community again and am a truly transformed person.
As we approach this holiday season, I feel a pull to get caught up in the drama of past holidays that were full of pain, negativity, isolation, and self-pity. The pull is not just inside of me – it is external. Many people seem to relish the opportunity to bemoan the holidays and the impending disappointment of obligated time with their family. Gratitude pulls me in the opposite direction and reminds me that each moment I have a choice: I can focus on the present moment and what I can contribute to make my family’s holiday a very merry one or I can focus on me. Gratitude reminds me that today I get to be with my family. Last, I am acutely aware every day of the families still being torn apart by addiction. Though we lost my father, I am so grateful that my family has survived the ravages of addiction. The family my wife and I are building together will not know the pain and misery caused by active addiction – a long-standing generational cycle has been broken. Today, I have hope and know that no matter what happens “all is well” and for that I am most grateful.
