Justin Baldoni:

Why I’m done trying to be “man enough”

Actor Justin Baldoni knows a thing or two about following a script, both onstage and off. As a kid, he found himself struggling to fit in with the other boys at school and was angry at his “unmanly” father for not being the type of guy who was into the usual “guy stuff.” As he became a young adult he was even a bit complicit in reinforcing negative male stereotypes through his work as an actor and model. Now, as a husband and father himself, he’s stepped up to be a game-changer for his generation, by proving to men and boys that it’s okay to just be themselves.

Tony Porter:

A call to men

‘There are many wonderful things about being a man… but there’s some stuff that’s just straight up twisted.” And as he demonstrates in his talk the twisted stuff can sometimes lead a man to compromise his own values, and his own humanity, before he risks violating any of The Man Rules. Tony makes a passionate argument for helping men break out of the man box and changing the way we raise our sons and daughters.

Jackson Katz:

Violence against women—it’s a men’s issue

The central argument of Jackson Katz’s talk is only one of the remarkable things about it. He also manages to deliver this message in a way that demonstrates how it’s possible to show up in a way that is both “masculine” and vulnerable. His voice is strong, but it shakes a little, he is unhalting in his assertions but often pauses mid-sentence, there’s a “tough love” quality to his tone, but at times he seems nearly moved to tears. It all adds up to a very powerful 18 minutes, and an irresistible call to action. But, I do have one reservation: he focuses only on the need for “good” people to intervene when they witness abusive behavior. It doesn’t mention the need to provide resources for the men who offend to help them stop the abusive behavior. But, none of that detracts from the power and importance of his overall message.

What are some of your favorite TED Talks for men?

The post Three TED Talks That Are Changing The Meaning of “Man Up” appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Stories of violence continue to appear daily on our screens and we continue to wonder why. Is it the guns? Is it mental health? Is it video games? Is it Trump?

Is it men? All but two of the mass shootings in the history of this country have been perpetrated by men or even adolescent boys.

Maybe, says our guest Randy Flood. Though male socialization isn’t the only cause of male-perpetrated violence, it’s impossible to deny that it plays a role. Most men learn early on to disconnect from emotion—theirs and everyone else’s.“Suck it up” and “man up” culture has left many men without the ability to acknowledge their own pain and struggles. And, if you can’t even empathize with yourself, how can you ever really empathize with anyone else?

In short, men are left with no tools for dealing with things like fear, shame, rejection, loneliness, and anger. As a result, many act out aggressively, and sometimes violently – because those are the few tools many men are allowed to use to deal with the overwhelming emotional pain and suffering in their lives.

In this episode, Dan and Randy talk about how helping men gain emotional literacy and develop empathy can lead to a reduction in domestic violence and other violent crimes.

Practical & Tactical

1. Read a book that will challenge you to look at masculinity in a new way. Allow it to push you past your edges a bit.
2. Begin taking risks with vulnerability—Be wise about where you take those risks, of course. Make sure it’s with a trusted friend, family member or professional. But, give it a shot.
3. Recognize our history of patriarchy, be a good listener, work to be more empathetic, and, remember, that we are all in this together.

About Our Guest

Randy Flood, MA LLP is a therapist with the Fountain Hill Center, co-founder and director of the Men’s Resource Center and the Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Mascupathy. Flood has spent the last twenty years creating and developing specialized clinical services for men. Often called upon as an expert witness for district and circuit courts, Flood provides trainings on problems such as bullying, domestic violence, sexual addiction, and men in counseling. He also serves as a therapist and expert relating to parenting time and custody issues.

Flood’s first book, Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior, (Hazelden, 2006), co-authored with Charlie Donaldson, is widely considered one of the leading anger management books for men. He writes for several online and print publications and is a contributing writer to the Michigan Bar Journal and Voice Male magazine. Flood has consulted with national media such as the Christian Science Monitor and Minneapolis Sun Times on issues ranging from domestic violence to mass shootings. His expertise has also been featured on radio, television, podcasts, and in regional and state publications.

Mentioned In This Episode

Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan

Stop Hurting the Woman You Love

Mascupathy: Understanding and Healing the Malaise of American Manhood

Fight Club

I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression

Jackson Katz

Voice Male magazine

Intersectionality

The post Empathy is the Enemy of Violence – Episode 58 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

The truth—as both Dan and his guest Dr. Michael Levittan see it—is that the ways we raise boys and girls to relate to one another is dysfunctional at best, personally damaging and emotionally debilitating at worst. The consequences of this reality range from domestic violence and sexual assault to a life full of disconnection and dissatisfaction in relationships.

So how do imperfect people and imperfect parents such as ourselves, with our own struggles and hang-ups when it comes to power dynamics in relationships, show our children a better way? According to Dr. Michael, one way is to raise them without consequences.

For those of us who are parents, that sounds crazy, right? Irresponsible, even! But, the remarkable thing about Dr. Michael’s approach, is that it can help kids, teenagers, and young adults make space in their minds so that they can actually think for themselves about the potential consequences of their actions and have a productive conversation with their parent(s) without the fear, resentment, or anger—feelings that so often get in the way of kids (and adults!) ability to make good decisions.  

Practical and Tactical

1. Our kids aren’t the only ones who need to evolve and grow over time. We have to evolve and grow right along with them to be good parents.
2. Perform regular self-assessments. “How did that conversation go? How could I have done that better? What steps could I have taken to get better control over my emotions before starting the conversation? What will I do differently next time?”
3. Every parent has bad moments, but children often feel unloved when we yell or display harshness, distance, or coldness. When you do feel angry at your child, try to have empathy for what they may be feeling and remind them of your unconditional love: “I’m really angry at you, but my love for you is as strong as ever.”

About Our Guest

Dr. Michael (Levittan) is an accomplished and recognized expert on domestic violence, anger management, child abuse, trauma and PTSD. He is a licensed psychotherapist, director of a state certified batterers’ treatment program, serves as an Expert Witness in court, teaches seminars and courses at UCLA Extension, National Alliance on Mental Illness, International Conference on Violence, Abuse, and Trauma, Inter-Agency Council on Child Abuse and Neglect, L.A. Superior Court, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, U.S. Marines, Women’s Shelters, etc. He appeared as an expert on the Tyra Banks Show, Starting Over, Bad Girls Club, Montel Williams, Hollywood 411, and in radio, online, and print publications. Dr. Michael s believes in working to further the cause of establishing safety in the family and peace in the world. His passion and determination come across in his presentations.

Mentioned in This Episode

His Story, Her Story by Debra Warner

michaellevittan.com

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