The second is in terms of emotional courage. The rise in popularity of thinkers like Brene Brown has taught us that vulnerability is a willingness to show up, be seen as we really are, and form connections with others without hidden agendas. (That’s good.) “Connecting” with person X, in order to achieve Y, as so many of us in sales and/or politics often do, is not the point. The point is just to connect— for the sake of your mental and spiritual health, and, more importantly, theirs.

In this episode, Dan and Allen point out some of the key differences between healthy vulnerability and unhealthy vulnerability.  And, for partners who struggle to understand why their men won’t just talk about it, for godsakes, they also point out some ways in which The Man Rules make practicing healthy vulnerability difficult for men, and offer some ideas for how you can help change the culture of vulnerability in your household, and beyond…

Allen also shares his recent first-hand experience with both physical and emotional vulnerability as an evacuee of the California wildfires. Allen, his family, and his home are all okay, but there are many who still struggling through the aftermath. Here are some ways you can help them.

The post What Men Would Tell You…About Vulnerability appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Everyone is interested in how men and women are getting along these days. What if there were something other than “we’re from different planets” model? Once a month my good friend, Dr. Allen Berger, and I take over the Man Rules podcast to talk about our forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV.

This month Allen and I start our Man Rules discussion where we are going to discuss each of the 10 Man Rules that we unpack at length in the book. The first one is the Man Rule that is most often the first one named when I have the audience identify the Man Rules themselves: Don’t Cry.

This powerful Rule is about much more than simply not crying. It is one of the mega rules because so many of the other rules are built into it: don’t show feelings, don’t be vulnerable, don’t be weak, and many more.

How does it show up in your relationship? How does it show up in your life? The Water is very deep with this Rule.

Practical and Tactical

1. If you’re having difficulty crying, then be accepting of that. Then say this: “I am not going to cry because…” Get in touch with what you are doing to stop yourself from crying.
2. If you’re uncomfortable with someone else’s crying then ask yourself why that is. “I am uncomfortable with your/their crying because…” Find the answers to that question.
3. Write a letter or journal entry. Find the words that most accurately reflect your experiences in the moment. Uncensored.

The post What Men Would Tell You… About Crying appeared first on Dan Griffin.

In The Man Rules Deep Dive episodes, Dan talks to one man about his particular experiences coming to terms with some facet of his identity as a man. This month, our Deep Dive guest is Chris Cole, author, life coach, and host of the Waking Up Bipolar podcast.

Chris talks about his efforts to form a healthy identity as a man who doesn’t necessarily fit society’s definition of “normal.” He first encountered this struggle as a young boy, when it became clear to him that his preference for playing house with girls and his tendencies to be sensitive and highly attuned to the emotions of others did not fit within the realm of things that were okay for boys. His confusion around what was expected of him as a man and lack of ability to confide in anyone in his life eventually contributed to body image issues, disordered eating, and a substance use disorder.

Chris talks with Dan about how what he’s learned from his journey has helped to make him a better father, partner, and friend, and how he strives to help others through his work.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. As men, it’s important to practice and model full and complete apologies. If you do something that hurts someone,  fully own it, and say, “I’m sorry I did this.” Part of what many people experience as toxic masculinity can be boiled down to an inability and/or unwillingness to apologize.
2. Learn to meditate. Learn to practice mindfulness no matter what that looks like based on your own spiritual or religious beliefs.
3. Self-disclose your emotions to your male friends. Find ways to do it. The majority of men in this country don’t have one man in their life with whom they can talk to about anything other than sports, weather, and politics. Taking that risk with just one other person can greatly help reduce feelings of isolation.  

About Our Guest

In addition to his life coaching services, Chris Cole has written a memoir about his own recovery journey. titled The Body of Chris: A Memoir of Obsession, Addiction, and Madness. It was an Amazon #1 bestseller for bipolar disorder, named a two-time Finalist in both Spirituality and Religious Non-Fiction for the 2016 Next Generation Indie Book Awards, and has received praise from transpersonal and clinical psychologists alike.  His most recent project, the Waking Up Bipolar podcast, is a collaborative effort focused on the intersection of bipolar disorder and spiritual awakening. He believes that mental health challenges have the potential to mark our lives in beautiful and poignant ways. To find out more visit colecoaching.com.

The post Waking Up: A Deep Dive with Chris Cole appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Tim Clausen, author, jazz musician, and friend of The Man Rules podcast,  passed away on July 29. Tim was on a mission to help men—especially gay men—find their voices, find peace, and find love in all of its many forms. We were so fortunate to have known him and to have had him as a guest on the show, where he modeled the emotional courage and open curiosity about his own inner life and the inner lives of others we believe is key to helping men lead happier, healthier lives.

In this episode, we pay tribute to Tim by looking back on some of the best advice, insights, and personal experiences he shared on the show. Tim’s words inspired us to keep working to find our own voices and live our most authentic lives, and we hope they will do the same for you. He will be terribly missed.

About Tim Clausen

January 1, 1960 – July 29, 2018

Tim Clausen was a jazz and blues pianist rooted in the great stride-piano tradition and an author. Self-taught, his stylistic influences included jazz giants Erroll Garner, Art Tatum, Oscar Peterson, Tommy Flanagan, Ahmad Jamal, and Carl Perkins. Tim was a featured pianist at many of Milwaukee’s finest restaurants, hotels, arts centers and special events, and performed at jazz engagements in Houston, Philadelphia and Paris, France. In his related work as jazz biographer, Tim interviewed dozens of jazz legends while putting together musical histories on his two favorite jazz pianists, Erroll Garner and Dave Catney. Tim published his first book, Love Together, in 2014 and his second book, Not The Son He Expected, on gay men’s relationships with their fathers in 2017.

Mentioned in This Episode

Tim Clausen on The Man Rules podcast:

Living in Broken Time — Jazz Pianist Tim Clausen on Gay Men and Their Fathers

Not the Son He Expected – Deep Dive with Tim Clausen

Tim Clausen’s Books:

Not the Son He Expected: Gay Men Talk Candidly About Their Relationship with Their Father

Love Together: Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication

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