Okay, you’ve requested your time off from the boss, booked the plane tickets, sent the cards, bought the presents, and baked the cookies –or completed any number of your traditional holiday tasks. So, you may think that you’re ready for the holidays.

But, we say, you’re not really ready until you’ve heard Allen Berger’s 12 Stupid Things You Can Do to Mess Up the Holidays. Nothing like the holidays to push and pull us in all sorts of emotional directions, often like we’re just along for the ride.

But not this time! This time we’re goin’ in ready and armed. With awareness. This exhaustive list from our good friend Dr. Allen Berger tells you everything you DON’T want to do this holiday season. Listen on for some great tips and reminders on how to get through the holidays without making a mess! It really is possible. SPOILER ALERT: Print these out or put them in your phone. You’ll want to have them easily accessible.

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The holidays truly are magical. They have the power to magically transform fully functioning adults back into their adolescent selves, the moment they step into a room with their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins. No matter how much you’ve grown, how much you’ve accomplished in life, or what your personal and professional status may be outside of those walls, when you’re “home,” you may find yourself right back to square one.

And, the worst part? You know it’s going to happen. You know exactly who in that house will make that snide, passive-aggressive comment, and you know exactly how you’ll feel when they make it, and you know exactly how you’ll react. So, you swear that this year— it’s going to be different. You’re not going to get upset. You’re not going to let so-and-so get to you. You’re not going to sit and seethe over your pie, or seek revenge with your own passive-aggressive comments, or vow to never talk to these people again once this misery has finally ended. And yet…

According to our guest this week, you really can break these patterns. You just need a better plan. Tim Walsh, founder of Adventure Recovery and expert in helping families navigate and renegotiate their roles and expectations, gives tips on how to make the real holiday magic happen.

The post How to Have a Happy Holiday—Yes, Really. appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Everyone looks forward to summer vacation! That is, until it’s actually time to go. That’s when the expectations you’ve had for the perfect, blissful family getaway meet reality. Unless you’re traveling solo to a remote, private tropical island and have no responsibilities or obligations to contend with at home–and if so, who are you and how do you do it?– you’re bound to run into some stress and disappointment before, during, and after your trip.

In this episode, Dan checks in from his current vacation to offer some tips on how to manage the inevitable rough patches and get the most from your trip. Learn how emotional baggage, family roles, and gender roles can all play a part in turning your dream vacation into a nightmare. Also, get some tips and reminders on how you can take care of yourself while traveling so that your trip has better chance of being memorable because of the all things that went right, rather than all the went wrong.

About Dan Griffin

The post Need a Vacation From Your Vacation? appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG.

Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most of us feel during the holidays could most likely be described as ambivalence. There is, of course, the stress, and anxiety, and resentment and grief, but there is also the awe and the laughter and feeling of connectedness and purpose that many of us get from gift-giving, meal-preparing, and spending time with family.

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive guys talk about their personal holiday trials and triumphs and share advice on how to use this time of year to recharge and connect with what matters most.

Practical & Tactical Tips

If the holidays tend to leave you feeling less than jolly, try some of these tips…

1. Look For Ways to Help: Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel, how people are judging you, how they are mistreating you, think about how you might be able to help others. Is there someone at the gathering who is likely just as uncomfortable, if not more so, than you? Do what you can to make them feel more comfortable. Basically, you just want to look for something to focus on other than your agony.

2. Stick to Your Self-Care Routine: It may not be possible to stick to your routine exactly, especially if you’re traveling or have guests at your house, but if you exercise every day, don’t stop doing that during the holidays. If you pray or meditate every day, don’t stop doing that during that holidays. We often feel obligated to spend every moment with family members during holiday gatherings, but you will enjoy your time with them much more if you don’t allow yourself to get worn down.

3. Maintain Your Boundaries. If you know that certain people, certain settings, and/or certain types of holiday gatherings cause a lot of angst and discomfort for you, try to switch it up. Instead of gathering at Grandma’s house for an all-day eating, drinking, and arguing marathon, suggest that you all go out to a restaurant. Everyone is more likely to be on their best behavior in public and you can leave after a couple of hours.

4. Write: If you’re feeling upset or disconnected one day during the holidays, just sit down and write about how you’re feeling without judgment. Are there any memories from childhood that come up for you along with the feelings? Write about that too!

5. Find a Moment of Solitude: Take some time each day to pray, meditate, or just sit quietly by yourself for a few minutes—Maybe early in the morning before anyone wakes up, or at night after everyone has gone to bed.

6.  Slow Down and Be Aware: If you pay attention, you can feel an irrational reaction coming on in your body. Slow down enough to be aware of when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with irritation, resentment, or anger. and take a detour. Call a friend, take a walk, get some space, breathe. It may help you avoid doing or saying things you will regret later.

Mentioned in This Episode

Animal House
Loaded Questions Game
The Meadows
John Bradshaw
Claudia Black

The post Episode 44: Your Presence is a Present appeared first on Dan Griffin.

I’m actually on vacation right now. As I write this. I have been paying attention to each and every one of these Rules for the past four days. Overall, I would give myself a B+.

The truth is that we go on vacation to disconnect from the distractions and busy-ness of our lives but that is easier said than done. We want to create a lifetime full of happy memories with our families and here are 7 Tips that will make it a little easier:

1.       Work will survive without you and you will survive without work – Men invest a lot of time in our professional identities and being successful. Vacation is about disconnecting from that obsession and investing in our identities as partners and fathers.

2.       TV is not a member of the family – the truth is TV and mobile devices have become a member of the family – a sometime annoying and intrusive member of the family. Distraction is a national epidemic. So, before going on vacation, be clear about how TV, email, mobile devices, and social media are going to fit in – set boundaries and clear expectations and stick to them.

3.       Your family really does want to be with you – For those families with teenagers this may seem hard to believe but it really is true. Men think they have to be Super-Dad or have some perfect performance. Not true. Your family wants you – so take the time to be connect and be your authentic self. That’s the man they want.

4.       Be present with your family – This is the essence of it all. How can men learn how to be more present and connected when a lot of the Man Rules are about disconnection? Here are 3 Quick Tips:

A. Again, be really clear about TV, email, and mobile devices fit into your vacation time.
B. Set up regular times to check in with your partner. Rate yourselves on a scale of 1 to 10 about
how stressed you are and figure out ways to support one another.
C. Set up regular times to check in with yourself. Take time to breathe and have time for
yourself. The truth is that self-care is at the core of all relationships – and it is true for men as
much as it is for women.

5.       There is no “I” in vacation – It’s not about us; it’s about our families. Create a vacation that will be fun for everyone. Yes, we may miss out on the awesome round of golf or some others dream activity but we tell our families how important spending time with them is to us.

6.       The vacation doesn’t have to be in a spectacular location – One word: staycation. How much pressure do men put on themselves to afford the perfect vacation? You don’t have to go to Disneyland or Hawaii to have a great time with your family. It is about connect and making happy family memories.

7.       Take a map! – We are notorious for not asking for directions. We have great intentions for every vacation we go on with our families. When we make a plan and stick to it we are much more likely to make those intentions a reality!

So as you plan your next amazing family adventure keep these 7 tips in mind and you are sure to create happy memories to last a lifetime.

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