Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their experiences with discrimination, harassment, sexual assault and abuse at the hands of some of our nation’s most prominent and powerful men. We’ve seen women pointing out injustices and fighting for gender equality from the streets of Washington, D.C. to the stage at the Golden Globes.

The times are changing for sure. And, while hardly anyone would argue that these changes aren’t positive, it’s also true that change almost always brings with it some level of fear and uncertainty. Even the most open-minded, conscientious, and equality-loving man may wonder where all of this leaves him, and to navigate relationships with women in both his personal and professional life going forward…well, it can be quite a bit overwhelming. And confusing.

In this episode, Dan and Andrea Sauceda, the Executive Producer of The Man Rules podcast talk about their own perceptions of the progress being made toward gender equality and how men and women can bridge the gap.  

Practical and Tactical Tips

1. Don’t be afraid of anger. It can be a signal that there’s a real injustice to reckon. But, don’t let the anger dictate your actions. Accept it, feel it, then pause and think about where the anger is coming from, and consciously decide on the best action to take.
2. Don’t be afraid of discomfort. We have to start having more real and honest conversations among men and women about our experiences and our perceptions of one another. That’s going to get weird sometimes. But, don’t avoid it, because if you do, you’ll miss any amazing opportunity to learn and grow. Practice sitting with discomfort by seeking out and following people and publications on social media that advocate for the opposite of your particular political views.
3. Don’t be afraid to speak up. (When and where it’s physically and emotionally safe for you to do so.)  The root of positive change is truth.

About Our Guest

Andrea Sauceda is a writer, marketing professional, amateur sociologist, and professional dork. Outside of her 9 to 5 day job, she helps Dan manage The Man Rules podcast, reads a lot, knits dishcloths, and worries too much about the downfalls of our society.

Mentioned In This Episode

Rebecca Traister on the coming #MeToo backlash

#MeToo Is Changing Minds

David Bowie and Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Statutory Rape Problem

Sarah Silverman Asks: ‘ Can You Love Someone Who Did Bad Things?’

Al Franken’s defiant, unapologetic resignation speech

Bill Clinton: A Reckoning

Harvey Weinstein scandal: a complete list of the 84 accusers

Eight women say Charlie Rose harassed them with nudity, groping and lewd calls

Rep. John Conyers, Jr. resigns over sexual harassment allegations after a half-century in Congress

I Asked Men’s Rights Activists and a Pick-Up Artist About The Weinstein Fallout

Lindy West On How Rape Joke Proponents Paved The Way For Trump

“For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” – Audre Lorde

Episode 41: Gender Jiu-Jitsu with Dr. Jamie Marich

The post Episode 46: One Step Back, Two Steps Forward appeared first on Dan Griffin.

“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.”  – Richard Rohr

Let’s think about the typical life cycle of a public sexual misconduct allegation. The conversation that surrounds each accusation tends to center around what’s right and what’s wrong. We want–no, we need–clear answers. Was it a harmless joke? Or, was it a clear violation of sexual boundaries? Is it right to fire him over that? Is it wrong to suspect the victim may be exaggerating? Is going to “sex addiction treatment” just a way for the perpetrator to try to shirk responsibility for his actions? What if the perpetrator isn’t a man? What if the victim isn’t a woman?

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis returns to the show to help Dan finally and definitively answer all of these questions—JUST KIDDING! There, of course, are no definitive answers to these questions. That’s one of the many things that makes this gender-based cultural upheaval extremely confusing and sometimes painful. While at the extreme ends of the sexual misconduct spectrum, we can clearly label some people as criminals and others as victims, there’s a lot of room in between for varying degrees of nuance.

Though Alex and Dan don’t provide us with all the answers, they do make a convincing case for embracing the chaos in a way that forces us to be more honest with ourselves and with each other, and for seizing the opportunity to have these conversations in our homes, workplaces, churches, and schools, so that we can build a better future based on true gender equality. 

Resources

If you have questions about sexual disorders or want to get some some perspective on the current public conversations around gender and sexuality, you can call the Center for Healthy Sex at 310-843-3902.

Practical and Tactical

1. Keep conversations about sex and sexuality out of the workplace. When in doubt err on the side of caution— especially right now.
2. Talk to your sons about what it means to be male in this culture and how to behave appropriately. And, talk to your daughters about boundaries. Take these community conversations into churches, PTAs, and communities. Just the act of having a dialogue starts to stretch our minds.
3. Just try to be more conscientious as you walk through your days.

About Our Guest

Alex Katehakis is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Los Angeles. She has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality from sexual addiction to sex therapy, and problems of sexual desire and sexual dysfunction for individuals and couples. Alex has successfully facilitated the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalizing their sex lives.

Dr. Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in West Los Angeles, CA. She has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University. Dr. Katehakis earned her PhD from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in 2017.

Additionally, Alex appears as a regular guest sex expert every Friday on Dr. Drew Midday Live on KABC Talk Radio to discuss sex, addiction and sexuality. She has been a guest on several national radio programs and appeared on Voice America and WebMD, both live on-line Internet programs, as a sexual addiction expert. She is a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and other websites. Alex teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings and has been published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.

Mentioned in This Episode

The myth of the male bumbler

Last Man Standing

Tim Allen

Anthony Rapp

Terry Crews

Jay Z talks about going to therapy.

The post Episode 43: Dueling with Dualities appeared first on Dan Griffin.