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I had the pleasure of having a conversation with Adam Lamb. The idea was to talk about how various types of masculinity impact the workplace. (Side Note: I am trying not to use the term “toxic masculinity” anymore because I realized I fundamentally disagree with it. It is too easy to use that to mean men are toxic or to dismiss outright certain expressions of masculinity that may not be as “cool” or “woke.” The men we most want to reach probably aren’t going to listen if that’s the term we’re using. I’m still working on a new term that better fits. Maybe, traumatized masculinity but I am not sure. I digress.) And we did talk about that. And much more including the role that conscious men – or harmonized men, as Adam talks about it – can take in the ongoing #metoo conversation. It was a cool conversation with a man who has a lot of unique life experience.
Practical Tactical
- Men need to find a place where they can own all of who they are in neutrality. In other words: accept themselves and own all of their imperfections without judgment and shame.
- Join a men’s group. If you can’t find one, start one! Get on Meetup.com. There are online resources to guide you on how to do it.
- Body work. Some type of body work. There are numerous ways that we can take care of our bodies. Our spirit is the rider and our body is the horse. Start with something to honor the horse!
You can learn more about Adam at www.Adammlamb.com
Check out his new book An Initiated Man
Adam Lamb was born in Medford Mass in the turbulent 1960’s. His mother is a Cuban immigrant and his father was a Professor of Modern Languages at Purdue University. Adam spent most of his life as a professional chef, writing non fiction in between cooking fish. A story teller since an early age, Adam sang in an all original rock and roll band in the 90’s, writing all the lyrics, arrangements and recording three cd’s with the South Florida band, Blind Pilot. He has three siblings as well as three grown children, and one grandson who all wish to remain nameless lest they get connected, socially, to Adam’s infirmity and self indulgence. He is a sought after speaker on the issues of purpose, leading a thriving life and enjoying successful relationships. Following a conversation where the right questions were finally asked, Adam has dedicated himself to paying forward the freedom with which he now lives his life. He now coaches and guides those who are looking to take action in creating the lives they know is possible. He hosts a weekly Facebook Live called ‘The Morning MAN-ifesto’ and a monthly podcast, ‘MAN-ifesto Radio’. Adam’s published works include: Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable, Profanity & Its Proper Use and An Initiated Man, Finally. His newest book, ‘Circle Jerk – Lessons of Manhood My Father Never Taught Me’ is due out in summer 2019.
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Change is hard. And, as men, we’re being asked to do a lot of it lately. The good news? We’re prepared for it. We’ve been preparing all of our lives for it. We just didn’t know. When we were growing up, and people told us that being a man required courage and bravery, we thought they meant the kind of courage it takes to run into burning buildings–but no. They actually meant we needed to be courageous enough to face something even more terrifying: our own feelings.
The world’s rapidly changing gender dynamics are your burning building. And, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be able to run in there without getting at least a little bit burned. If you want to make it out of that building as a hero, you’re going to have to take some emotional risks. You’re going to have to have a lot of honest and uncomfortable conversations about sexual harassment, sexual assault, gender discrimination, and your own privilege. You’re going to have to be willing to risk saying the wrong thing or asking a stupid question in order to learn. You’re going to have to be willing to feel the shame and resentment when some people refuse to have patience with you as you learn and make mistakes. You’re going to have to be willing to feel your own frustration and anger when you can’t seem to get anyone to see your point-of-view. And, you’re going to have to be willing to be humbled, to acknowledge that you don’t know everything, and to acknowledge that you may have been wrong. More than anything, possibly, you’re going to need to listen in a way that you maybe never have.
Why in the hell would you put yourself through all of that? Because the reward will be great. You’ve heard the expression, “until all of us are free, none of us are free,” right? To the extent you help to remove the obstacles women face in trying to live to their full potential, you help to remove your own.
In this episode, Michael Levittan returns to talk to Dan about how men can thrive in the #MeToo era. At times, the conversation is awkward and painful. But, it’s a great example of two guys who are “not doing it perfectly, but doing it consciously.” It takes emotional courage for men to have these kinds of conversations in a public forum. AND, we’re willing to bet that it might take a great deal of emotional courage for many of you just to listen to this conversation to the end, without shutting it off to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But, we challenge you to stick with it and to join in the conversation, by letting us know what you think on Facebook, Twitter, or send an email to [email protected].
Practical and Tactical Tips
- Speak out when you see another man being inappropriate. And keep up an ongoing dialogue with men about their views on masculinity. Men are more open to hearing that kind of feedback from other men than they are from women.
- Educate yourself. Find out what you can do to become an ally to women and gender equality movements
- Learn more about the differences between assertive behavior and aggressive behavior.
About Our Guest
Dr. Michael (Levittan) is an accomplished and recognized expert on domestic violence, anger management, child abuse, trauma and PTSD. He is a licensed psychotherapist, director of a state certified batterers’ treatment program, serves as an Expert Witness in court, teaches seminars and courses at UCLA Extension, National Alliance on Mental Illness, International Conference on Violence, Abuse, and Trauma, Inter-Agency Council on Child Abuse and Neglect, L.A. Superior Court, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, U.S. Marines, Women’s Shelters, etc. He appeared as an expert on the Tyra Banks Show, Starting Over, Bad Girls Club, Montel Williams, Hollywood 411, and in radio, online, and print publications. Dr. Michael s believes in working to further the cause of establishing safety in the family and peace in the world. His passion and determination come across in his presentations.
Mentioned in This Episode
I’m a Straight Man, Now What? – New York Times
The Fine Line Between a Bad Date and Sexual Assault: 2 Views on Aziz Ansari
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
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