Breaking the Ruhls (and The Rules)

Dan Griffin — Mon, 23 Apr 2018 19:01:31 +0000

The Man Rules do not prepare men to navigate the rocky emotional terrain of their day-to-day lives. So, what happens when childhood sexual abuse and emotional abuse make that terrain much, much rockier than average?

In most cases, it leads to men suffering in silence from profound depression, crippling anxiety, rage, addiction, and behaviors that are destructive to themselves and others. Larry Ruhl, our guest this week, was on such a path until his caring partner encouraged him to get help. His father began sexually abusing him at age 4, and he was constantly subjected to his narcissistic mother’s verbal abuse, manipulation, and violent rages. Teased and berated for not being man enough; seduced and abused for his sensitivity and vulnerability.

He shares his story with Dan and proves that no matter how men have suffered, or how limited they’ve been by The Man Rules, there is hope and there is a better way forward.

Larry’s story is the first to be featured in our new series of Deep Dive episodes, where we ask one man to share about his struggles in learning to live authentically in spite of The Man Rules. If you can identify with any of this story please find someone with whom you can talk and consider getting help and support. You deserve peace and you don’t have to suffer alone.

Practical and Tactical

Allow yourself to indulge in a creative activity without judgment. Find a creative outlet that allows you to express a part of yourself that you don’t let other people see.
Challenge yourself to get unstuck. Identify something you over and over that causes you and others pain, hold you back living the kind of life you want to live, or just irritates you in some way. Find a path to get unstuck that works for you. Could be therapy, support groups, developing deeper friendships and connections, speaking out, etc.
Men, as we know, are expected to be the provider, the tough guy, the Sex God, etc.—Find some way to shed all of that crap and do something that’s just for you.

About Our Guest

Larry Ruhl is the author of Breaking the Ruhls, a memoir about recovering from childhood sexual abuse and complex trauma. He is a registered speaker with the RAINN network (Rape Abuse Incest National Network). He previously served as a board member at Male Survivor. He also spoke at colleges and retreats to increase awareness of sexual abuse against men and boys. Today he shares his story publicly to spread awareness and to help others shed the shame and stigma associated with sexual abuse. He graduated from the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT), with a degree in Display & Exhibit Design.

Mentioned in This Episode

Breaking the Rules (Larry’s Memoir)

Larry on Twitter and Facebook

Little Boxes (Song by Malvina Reynolds)

The post Breaking the Ruhls (and The Rules) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Episode 46: One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Dan Griffin — Mon, 15 Jan 2018 10:54:05 +0000

Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their experiences with discrimination, harassment, sexual assault and abuse at the hands of some of our nation’s most prominent and powerful men. We’ve seen women pointing out injustices and fighting for gender equality from the streets of Washington, D.C. to the stage at the Golden Globes.

The times are changing for sure. And, while hardly anyone would argue that these changes aren’t positive, it’s also true that change almost always brings with it some level of fear and uncertainty. Even the most open-minded, conscientious, and equality-loving man may wonder where all of this leaves him, and to navigate relationships with women in both his personal and professional life going forward…well, it can be quite a bit overwhelming. And confusing.

In this episode, Dan and Andrea Sauceda, the Executive Producer of The Man Rules podcast talk about their own perceptions of the progress being made toward gender equality and how men and women can bridge the gap.

Practical and Tactical Tips

Don’t be afraid of anger. It can be a signal that there’s a real injustice to reckon. But, don’t let the anger dictate your actions. Accept it, feel it, then pause and think about where the anger is coming from, and consciously decide on the best action to take.
Don’t be afraid of discomfort. We have to start having more real and honest conversations among men and women about our experiences and our perceptions of one another. That’s going to get weird sometimes. But, don’t avoid it, because if you do, you’ll miss any amazing opportunity to learn and grow. Practice sitting with discomfort by seeking out and following people and publications on social media that advocate for the opposite of your particular political views.
Don’t be afraid to speak up. (When and where it’s physically and emotionally safe for you to do so.) The root of positive change is truth.

About Our Guest

Andrea Sauceda is a writer, marketing professional, amateur sociologist, and professional dork. Outside of her 9 to 5 day job, she helps Dan manage The Man Rules podcast, reads a lot, knits dishcloths, and worries too much about the downfalls of our society.