All too often men are tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle we face, we’re often given some version of the same, age-old advice: “Man Up.” (What the hell does that even mean? Especially at a time when we aren’t entirely sure what kind of men we are supposed to be.)

But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Men need a space where they can have real conversations about the unique challenges they face in today’s society – what frustrates us, what scares us, what confuses us, what gives us strength, what brings us joy, and what gives us hope for the future. We can learn so much about how to live the lives we truly want by hearing about one another’s successes and failures, and by getting real, actionable advice on life and relationships from men and women who aren’t afraid to get real.   

In this, the first episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan provides a description of the water and lays a foundation for the journey toward conscious masculinity.

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A major shift is happening in how we view gender, sexuality and violence. Many people, like our guest Mary Woods, see echoes of the 60s civil rights movements in this modern era of protest and consciousness raising. But, many men feel confused about their place in these movements. In the stories we hear day after day, men are the perpetrators of the sexual violence, racial violence, and gun violence. Much of the conversation focuses on how to change men–and no doubt, change is needed. But, as Dan often says, “We can’t just change what men think, we have to change what we think about men.”

Change cannot happen when people are silenced or dismissed. The Women’s Movement has had its success through teaching women how to understand the day-to-day mechanics of their oppression and the importance of speaking out against them. In order to speak out, they had to build a huge community of people who would lend their support and make it safe for them to speak out and take action.

We have to do the same for men.

In this episode Dan and Mary talk about the ways that we can support men as they confront the injustices of their socialization as men (i.e. be the biggest, the baddest, the richest, the meanest), wrestle with their relationships to power, and try to build a canal through the muddy waters of gender expectation.

Practical and Tactical

1. Sit down with someone of a different gender and ask them “What is your experience like living in our society today? What was living in your family like? And listen. Then, ask yourself if your ideas and perspectives changed, even just a little.
2. Look at the history of the women’s rights movement, the civil rights movement, and treatment of veterans. If you don’t study your history, you’re doomed to repeat it.
3. Join a group that will help you look at things from a different perspective. Joining with others to tell the truth about your experiences and listen closely as they tell the truth about theirs.

About Our Guest

Mary Ryan Woods holds a master’s degree in human service administration, is a Board Certified Licensed Registered Nurse and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor, who has over 37 years’ experience in substance abuse services and community mental health programs. Woods began her career in the addictions profession working in a variety of settings. Currently, she is the Executive Officer for WestBridge Community Services a private, nonprofit organization dedicated to the treatment of individuals and families with co-occurring mental illness and substance use disorders. WestBridge has programs in New Hampshire and Florida. She is a Past President for NAADAC the association of addiction professionals.

Mentioned in This Episode

WestBridge

Dual Diagnosis

The Post (movie)

George Carlin

All in The Family

The Lion’s Paw (Note: There are several variations of this story.)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

The post Muddy Waters – Episode 56 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Men need a space where they can have real conversations about the unique challenges they face in today’s society – what frustrates us, what scares us, what confuses us, what gives us strength, what brings us joy, and what gives us hope for the future. We can learn so much about how to live the lives we truly want by hearing about one another’s successes and failures, and by getting real, actionable advice on life and relationships from men and women who aren’t afraid to get real.   

In this, the first episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan provides a foundation for the journey you will take with him on the podcast by answering some of the questions you might have about the show:

Do we really need an entire podcast devoted to “The Man Rules?” (Yes.)

Aren’t The Man Rules really obvious to everyone and simple to follow? (No.)

What’s wrong with being a man? (Nothing.)

Are you going to try to tell us what it means to be a “real man?” (Yes and No.)

What the hell is “water?” (Great question. Listen to find out.)

SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Resources

A Man’s Way Through Relationships

A Man’s Way Through The 12 Steps

Helping Men Recover

Griffin Recovery Enterprises

The Meadows Senior Fellows

The post Episode 1: How’s The Water? A Man Rules Primer appeared first on Dan Griffin.

We all have our stories. Every man has his story of how he has become the man he is today. Yet, we do not always put a lot of time into knowing our story – or sharing it with others.  It lets others in beyond the surface of so much of how we present ourselves in the world today. Our story is the blood rushing through us. I share a part of my story – as I understand it today – with you because it lets you know a little about who I really am. I share a part of my journey of becoming a man because it is a part of our stories we haven’t spent a lot of time taking to honor – or share with one another.

As an adolescent I had an unusual and deeply painful experience. My body literally did not grow. To say I was a late bloomer is an understatement. I became acutely aware of this in eighth grade, but there were still a few other boys who also had yet to hit puberty. The summer between eighth and ninth grade I had hoped “it” would happen, but it didn’t. I stayed short and began to feel more and more powerless. The shame about who I was and about my body began to spread like a weed throughout my psyche. It was a secret, and I had to protect myself from being found out to save myself from the ultimate humiliation.

The truth is that as a prepubescent young man I stood outside the usual images of masculinity. I started to see the Water, not because I consciously and thoughtfully reflected on the Man Rules, but because I was not a man. As I felt myself in the Water, I also felt the dissonance between what seemed to be the ideal masculinity and me. I was drowning in the Water and desperate to find some degree of solace. Burning in my psyche was this constant and resounding voice telling me that I was not a man. I believed it. That voice haunted me. The worst part was that once I grew to almost six feet tall and matured into what many people consider to be a handsome man, it was too late. The damage had been done. Like anorexics wasting away on death’s door who still see themselves as fat, it has taken twenty-plus years for me to not see the gaunt, prepubescent five-foot boy looking back at me in the mirror. And he can still show up when I’m under stress or feeling threatened.

What is your story about how you have become the man or woman you are today? Are you willing to share the chapters you are still trying to forget? The ones you tried to rip out of the book of your life? Do you know yet that those are the greatest parts of your story? If your voice does not shake when you tell your story to others then it probably isn’t your story. Do you know your story of your life is the greatest story ever told?

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