Uncategorized Archives - Dan Griffin

Help! We Need Somebody…

Dan Griffin — Tue, 06 Aug 2019 00:15:03 +0000

I love doing The Man Rules podcast! I have learned and grown so much as a result. We’ve been producing episodes of The Man Rules podcast every week for almost 2.5 years now. It’s been an honor to provide this for free to our listeners as a resource for those in recovery, and those who just want to live more conscious lives.

We’ve reached a crossroads with the show. If we can’t find a source of funding to cover the show’s monthly expenses, we will discontinue production. After 2+ years of covering the expenses without any support it is no longer tenable.

Would you be willing to offer a small monthly donation to keep the podcast running? (Say, around $5 or $10 a month?) If so, send an email to [email protected] and let us know you’re interested. If enough folks say “yes” we’ll go through the process of setting up an official donation channel…

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Practical & Tactical Tips: When Bad Diseases Happen to Good People (Episode 30)

Dan Griffin — Fri, 22 Sep 2017 20:56:38 +0000

Drug overdoses are now the leading cause of accidental death in the United States.

That’s just one of the many statistics that could be taken as an indication that the War on Drugs was an utter failure.

But if demonizing and stigmatizing addiction doesn’t help people find recovery, how can we start creating a new path?

It all begins with changing perceptions about addiction and the people that struggle with it each day. New views and attitudes can set off a chain reaction own state and local policies, research funding, prevention efforts and recovery support efforts — ultimately saving lives.

It’s a lofty goal, but one that we can approach like we do everything else in recovery: One day at a time.

If you’d like to start, listen to this week’s Man Rules podcast with guests Patty McCarthy Metcalf, M.S., the Executive Director of Faces & Voices of Recovery, and Michael King, the National Director of Outreach & Engagement for Facing Addiction.

Here are their tips for starting this path.

Practical & Tactical Tips

Patty:

Find your voice and get involved.
Remember that we need to invest in Recovery Support Services that are driven by the recovery community.
Find out who your policy makers are and what’s happening with policies that impact addiction and recovery where you live.

Michael:

Change comes from the grassroots up. Consider becoming a Facing Addiction ambassador.
Help other people by helping to identify recovery resources in your community. Help build a national database through the Facing Addiction Resource Hub.
Tell your story. Your voice is the most effective tool you have.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Michael King is the National Director of Outreach & Engagement for Facing Addiction, a national non-profit organization whose primary mission is to unify the voices of the 45 million Americans directly impacted by addiction. In his position, Michael works with and to expand Facing Addiction’s coalition of partnering organizations, the Facing Addiction Action Network. In the past, Michael worked for over a decade in the political arena as a political organizer, campaign manager and communications professional. He is the proud father of two young children, and a person in long term recovery.

Patty McCarthy Metcalf, M.S., is the Executive Director of Faces & Voices of Recovery, the nation’s leading recovery advocacy organization since 2001. Her work focuses on public policy, public education, community mobilizing, peer-based recovery support services and peer workforce development. She has been instrumental in the development of national accreditation standards for peer recovery support service. Patty has designed and delivered training on topics such as recovery messaging, ethics and boundaries, recovery-oriented systems of care (ROSC), peer recovery coaching and much more. As a woman in long-term recovery from alcohol and drug addiction since 1989, Ms. McCarthy Metcalf has frequently participated as a subject matter expert and thought leader with SAMHSA sponsored policy discussions. Ms. McCarthy Metcalf’s professional experience covers the spectrum of prevention, treatment and recovery.

Mentioned in This Episode

Facing Addiction

Facing Addiction in America, Executive Summary

Facing Addiction in America, Full U.S. Surgeon General’s Report

Faces & Voices of Recovery

The Anonymous People (movie)

Life in Recovery Survey

Association of Recovery Community Organizations

Advocacy with Anonymity

2017 Legislative Priorities

Mental Health Parity and Equity Act

CARF

Joint Commission

Association of Recovery Community Organizations

Rat Race, by Bob Marley (lyrics)

Mom (TV Show on CBS)

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

Episode 27: Hey, Addiction! WTF?

Dan Griffin — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 13:50:14 +0000

Addiction means that you can’t stop; but, some people eventually can. Addiction is a medical condition; but, it’s also a spiritual condition. Addiction is caused by societal and psychological factors and not by the drugs; but, sometimes it is caused by the drugs.

Some people use every drug there is, and nothing happens. They can walk away. So why can’t those others? Are they just bad, selfish people who lack morals and values? Or, are they people struggling with a chronic illness?

Clear as mud.

With addiction currently affecting the lives of 23.5 million Americans— not counting the friends and family of those addicted, who are also deeply affected by the disease— how can we have so little clarity about what addiction actually is or how to “cure” it?

In this episode, Dr. Kevin McCauley, a former Naval flight surgeon who is himself in recovery from opioid addiction, explains how something as fundamental as human choice can become part of a disease process. In a refreshingly down-to-earth way, he explains how our brains respond to the most enticing of human phenomena, pleasurable experiences, and how the system that creates those experiences can break, leading to addiction— Sometimes. Hey addiction! Seriously, WTF!

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Kevin McCauley, MD was a Naval Flight Surgeon with the Third Marine Air Wing

when he became addicted to opioid pain relievers. Following his court-martial and incarceration at Fort Leavenworth and subsequent treatment he began lecturing on the neuroscience of addiction. He wrote and directed the film “Pleasure Unwoven” used by many treatment centers to explain the brain disease of addiction. Currently, he travels between his home in Honolulu and Utah where he is the Director of Program Services at New Roads Behavioral Health. He is also a Senior Fellow at The Meadows.

Mentioned on This Episode

2016 Men in Recovery Project (Video Series)

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong (Johann Hari TED Talk)

How Science is Unlocking the Secrets of Addiction (National Geographic)

Carl Hart

Howard Wetsman, MD

Mark Gold, MD

ProtectingSobriety.com (The Institute for Addiction Study)

Pleasure Unwoven (Movie)

Memo to Self (Movie)

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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016: Living in Broken Time

Dan Griffin — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 02:14:21 +0000

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When jazz musicians play in broken time, they improvise their own rhythms where the beat is not explicitly laid out for them. In his latest, soon-to-be-released book, jazz pianist and author Tim Clausen captures the stories of gay men from all walks of life, who have often had to improvise their own melodies over the unpredictable rhythms of their relationships with their fathers. In this episode, Tim and Dan talk about the vast range of father-son experiences detailed throughout his book, from fathers who were mostly or completely absent to exemplary dads who are unconditionally loving, accepting, and supportive, to fathers who were violent alcoholics, to those who disowned their son once his sexual orientation came to light. They also talk a little about Tim’s previous book, Love Together, which tells the stories of gay men in long-term relationships.

SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Check out this episode!

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015: Giving Dad His Due

Dan Griffin — Tue, 27 Jun 2017 02:00:12 +0000

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When filmmaker Dana Glazer’s first child was born, he felt absolutely elated about being a Dad. But, when he chose to prioritize fatherhood over his career, he began to feel conflicted. Though he found the time he spent caring for his son to be amazing and deeply fulfilling, he wondered if there was something wrong with him. Wasn’t he supposed to want more? What did it mean that he’d rather help his kids climb monkey bars than climb the corporate ladder? He began to feel worthless, isolated, and confused. A friend suggested that he make a documentary about his experiences navigating the somewhat unknown territory of fatherhood in the 21st century. The resulting film, The Evolution of Dad, is now used in hundreds of college and university courses and was screened during a Working Dads Summit at The White House in 2014.

In the episode, Dana and Dan talk about the undeniable significance of the father’s role in a child’s life, ways in which our society can do a better job supporting Dads, and ways to balance the often dark and negative portrayals of fathers we see in the media with more nuanced and positive ones.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Check out this episode!

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014: When His Best Was Not Enough

Dan Griffin — Thu, 22 Jun 2017 17:40:53 +0000

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Your father did the best he could. But, what if his best wasn’t good enough? What if his best still left you ashamed, angry, and grieving, years and years after you stopped living under his roof? What if he was a “good man” who failed your terribly? Do you allow yourself to acknowledge that pain and frustration? If you don’t, it’s likely that the unhealed wounds from your relationship with your father are continuing to play out in your relationships and friendships to this day. Many of us find that the only way out of those dysfunctional patterns is through the pain you felt as a child. Once you do that, you begin to see your father in a whole new light and find freedom from your past.

Dan and author Rick Belden talk about the father wound as a series of complex, emotional injuries to a child’s psyche over many years. Along the way, they share some of the insights they’ve gained in the process of forgiving their less-than-nurturing fathers, and offer some practical tips for beginning the process of facing and overcoming the pain.

Check out this episode!

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013: Fear of The Dad You Could Be

Dan Griffin — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 13:22:19 +0000

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Our grandfathers knew exactly what was expected of them in their roles as fathers: go to work, put food on the table, step in and provide discipline when the kids are especially unruly. But, today, the expectations for Dads are much more negotiable. Our culture at large still hasn’t quite made up its mind about whether it is best for Dads to be more traditionally masculine, or if they should be working toward a more balanced and flexible approach to fatherhood. On the plus side, this means that men get to decide for themselves what kinds of fathers they will be. On the minus side, having to make choices that will have a significant impact on who our children ultimately become can bring on a lot of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety.

In this episode, Dan and author Jeremy Adam Smith encourage fathers to do some soul-searching, decide what their goals are at every stage of their children’s lives, and make conscious and intentional decisions that will help them be the kind of fathers their kids need them to be. They also discuss the particular challenges of parenting adolescents and of being a stepfather, and explain how men can work to improve their listening skills, compassion, and communication.

Jeremy is the author of two books, The Daddy Shift, and Rad Dad. He is also the Executive Editor of Greater Good Magazine.

Check out this episode!

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Nobody Wants to Talk About It (Episode 12)

Dan Griffin — Thu, 15 Jun 2017 14:10:08 +0000

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One of the cardinal Man Rules is, “Don’t be weak.” A real man is never defenseless. A real man is never vulnerable to the aggression, abuse, or misconduct of anyone. If he is threatened by someone?even if that someone is much older than him, much bigger than him, and has the role of power and authority over him?he never submits. He is either strong enough to kick the guy’s ass or he is smart enough to escape. If he didn’t manage to do either of THOSE things and wound up being a victim of abuse? Well? That’s just what happens when you aren’t man enough to defend yourself.

Sadly, this way of thinking about male survivors of abuse is quite common, even if the victim is a child who faced a much older abuser. As a survivor of childhood sexual, physical, and emotional abuse himself, Randy Boyd knows this all too well. He now dedicates much of his time traveling the country, educating people on the realities of men’s experiences with childhood abuse, and offering a message of hope and healing to survivors. He and Dan talk about the unfortunate legacies of childhood abuse for men, which often include addiction, massive disconnection, anger, and violence and why many men don’t even realize that their past abuse is often connected to their current troubles. They also offer some ways forward for men currently struggling with the impact of abuse on their relationships and day-to-day lives.

You can support Randy in his efforts to bring awareness and greater sensitivity to male sexual abuse by supporting The Ride Across America to Stomp Out Shame, a cross-country bike ride set to begin on Father’s Day (June 18, 2017.) Go to www.courageoushealers.org to make a donation, or to schedule Randy for a speaking engagement in your city or town.

Check out this episode!

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Giving Everything You Never Got (Episode 11)

Dan Griffin — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 15:19:03 +0000

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Since one day isn’t nearly enough to celebrate the complexities and contradictions of fatherhood, we’re celebrating “Father’s Month” instead of Father’s Day on The Man Rules Podcast. Dan kicks off the upcoming series of episodes by sharing some of his biggest joys and deepest struggles as the father of a young daughter. He explains how painful experiences with his own father have shaped his parenting choices–for better and worse. He asks himself, and all of us, what it means to be a conscious father and to do your best to show up every day as the man your child needs you to be.

Subscribe now, if you haven’t already, so you won’t miss any of the upcoming special episodes on fathers and fatherhood. We’ll be talking with an author and professor on the ways ideas about men and fathers have shifted in the 21st century, a poet and artist on The Father Wound, and a filmmaker on the movie he made about modern Dads. We’ll also be getting the Deep Dive Guys together again to talk about their own experiences as fathers and as sons. Please tune in and share your own stories with us on The Man Rules Facebook page…

Check out this episode!

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Premature Evacuation – A Deep Dive into Sex Lives

Dan Griffin — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 20:36:48 +0000

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The Deep Dive Guys – Dan, Tim Walsh, and Michael Dinneen – get together once again to talk intimately about intimacy. The Man Rules so often set men’s expectations about sex. There are rules about how often they should be having it, how they should (and shouldn’t) talk about it, and what it means if their partners don’t want it as often they do. The guys totally dismantle the idea that emotion and connection don’t play a very important role in male sexuality, and share their hopes for greater connection and intimacy with their partners.

For more information about Tim, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael on LinkedIn

Check out this episode!

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Unpacking The Man Box with Mark Greene (Episode 9)

Dan Griffin — Thu, 01 Jun 2017 13:24:23 +0000

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In the mega-hit Broadway musical The Book of Mormon, there’s an entire song and dance number (“Turn it Off”) where a group of young men share their strategies for suppressing emotions with one another. One young man, who is struggling to accept his same-sex attractions, sings the following recommendation:

“Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes,

And find the box that’s gay and CRUSH IT,

Okay?”

Even if sexuality isn’t the specific issue they struggle with, most men can relate to the idea that there are many, many thoughts and feelings that they must pack in boxes and hide in the darkest corner of the mind’s dingy basement. Otherwise, they risk being shamed, bullied, or ostracized by the family and friends for failing to properly demonstrate male emotional toughness.

Mark Greene, Senior Editor at the Good Men Project, is on a mission to help men throw out all of those boxes, leaving space to store more Relational Intelligence. His latest book, Remaking Manhood and the social media outreach efforts around it are aimed at helping educate the public about the epidemic of male loneliness and emotional suppression, and to give men tips on how to find and express their authentic selves.

In this episode of the podcast, he and Dan talk about how men can form stronger friendships and more intimate marriages and relationships. They also talk about what it means to be a father and how men can help their children develop their own Relational Intelligence. Be sure to check out the videos Mark has made available on RemakingManhood.com and share them with your Facebook friends and Twitter followers.

Check out this episode!

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Everyone Deserves a Choice – Mike Domitrz (Episode 8)

Dan Griffin — Thu, 25 May 2017 16:51:11 +0000

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Man Rule #1384387438: A real man should never have to ask anyone if they want to have sex. His potential partners should, by definition, be overwhelmed by his raw, animal magnetism and immediately consumed by desire upon first contact. The question of “Do they want it?” should only be a rhetorical one. OF COURSE THEY WANT IT. Duh.

Man Rule #11384387439: A real man is born an expert in sex stuff. He never has to ask a partner what they want or how they want it because he already knows. If he does make the mistake of asking, and his partner acts uncomfortable, refuses to answer, or even gets annoyed with him for asking, it’s because he has failed as a man and as an expert in sex stuff. It’s his responsibility to show other people what they want.

No wonder sex and intimacy is so often fraught with fear and confusion, right? Thank God for Mike Domitrz and his amazing work with The Date Safe Project. Mike spends his days speaking to young men and women across the country about sexuality and consent?topics that are sadly left out of many the conversations we have with our spouses, partners, and children about sex and sexuality.

Listen to this episode of the podcast for yourself and for your loved ones?especially your children. And pass it on.

Learn more about Mike Domitrz and his work at www.datesafeproject.org and at www.everydaymindfulnessshow.com.

Check out this episode!

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You Cheated. Now What? (Episode 6)

Dan Griffin — Fri, 19 May 2017 18:59:39 +0000

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If there’s one thing that Rob Weiss, MSW, knows for sure from his more than 25 years as therapist and sexologist, it’s that men don’t respond well to bullshit. That’s why his new book “Out of the Doghouse” takes care to help men understand what women go through emotionally when they’ve been cheated on without the usual shaming and finger-wagging.

Rob has spent much of his career counseling heterosexual couples torn apart by infidelity, and over and over again he’s seen men struggle to understand why their female partners just can’t “get over it” once they’ve apologized for cheating. In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, he and Dan talk about why men cheat, how they can regroup and reconnect with their partners when they feel the urge to cheat, and how they can truly heal their relationships with their partners if they have cheated.

They also touch on some of the pros and cons of porn, the ins and outs of internet dating, and the struggles many men have today with expressing their masculinity and sexuality in healthy ways.

Check out this episode!

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Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Dan Griffin — Thu, 18 May 2017 13:26:49 +0000

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John Lee has been on the forefront of the movement to help men with their health, psychological and spiritual well-being and recovery for decades. He has written 23 books on men’s issues, recovery, anger, grief, relationship, creativity, and spirituality. He has taught his techniques and theories to thousands of individuals, couples, families, groups, corporations, and therapists all over the world.

There are a handful of men that we can point to and thank for having the courage to challenge the Man Rules long before it was safe enough or accepted as okay. John Lee is one of those men.

In this episode, Dan and John talk about the progress men have made in the last few decades. John talks fondly of the time he spent with Robert Bly, one of the true pioneers of looking differently at men’s lives and how the two of them had the privilege of being with hundreds and even thousands of men who were looking for a way out of the quiet desperation tearing their lives apart.

GrooDan and John cover a lot of material from the unfortunate portrayals of men in the media from idiot to hyper-masculine warrior, the significance of the superhero resurrection, the importance of mentors, the lack of depth in many of today’s discussions about masculinity, and their hopes for the future.

Hear two generations of leaders of this powerful conversation about masculinity come together for the first time.

Check out this episode!

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Listen To Episode Two of The Man Rules Podcast

Dan Griffin — Tue, 09 May 2017 02:30:22 +0000

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Check out this episode!

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