“The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.”
So many men could relate to that Pink Floyd lyric. Leading what Thoreau called “lives of quiet desperation,” so many of us stuff down our negative feelings day after day, until there’s not much room left in our hearts for joy.
It is only by feeling our feelings, embracing our humanity, and processing and releasing emotions like grief and sadness that we will ever find freedom.
But how can we begin that process when The Man Rules tell us that real men don’t talk about their feelings at all, let alone cry over them.
This week on The Man Rules podcast, poet Rick Belden joins host Dan Griffin to talk about ways you can finally start to process grief and discover a kind of strength you never knew you had.
Practical & Tactical Tips
- Think of the person you’ve lost in your life who was really important to you. Write them a letter about how much you miss them, in as much detail as you can. Or, if you’d prefer, you could make a video on your phone. You may find that feelings you thought you were done with are still there.
- Make use of the information that’s in your body. Think about something you’ve lost that you miss— it could be a person, a pet, or even a job. Then check in with your body and notice what’s going on? Are you feeling nauseous? A flutter in your chest? There may be some feeling there, that you need to process.
- Crying is only one aspect of the grieving process. Take some kind of creative action as a result of your grief. Create some art, write some music, rebuild or restore something as a memorial, start a community project in honor of your loss.
Bonus: Find a good men’s group, if you can. (Psychology Today’s Support Group directory is one good resource, where you can search by location.)
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GREAT NEWS! Rick is offering a 10 percent discount on enrollment in one of his coaching programs for men for The Man Rules podcast listeners. Sign up at RickBeldenCoaching.com.
About Our Guest
Rick Belden is a respected explorer and chronicler of the psychology and inner lives of men. He has been writing for most of his life and has been using creative expression, dreamwork, personal mythology, and listening to the body as tools for self-healing since 1989.
His book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.
Rick’s poetry and essays have appeared in multiple books and on numerous websites around the world, reaching an international audience of many thousands of men and women. He helps men who are feeling stuck get their lives moving again by drawing on over 25 years of experience exploring men’s issues, masculine psychology, and recovery from abuse.
He lives in Austin, Texas.
Mentioned In This Episode
Men’s Group Directory on Psychology Today
More Resources
Essay: Men and Grief
Essay: What If He Cries?
Poem: tears never cried
Video: Men and Grief: Does masculinity help with healing or make it more difficult?
Song: Comfortably Numb
