Hurt people hurt people. Then, they feel ashamed that they hurt people, which makes them hurt more, and then feel more ashamed, which makes them hurt more people. It’s a horrible cycle that has been destroying men and their families for a very long time.
Many men live day in and day out hurting in ways they can’t explain. As a result, they sometimes react with anger, hostility and even violence to the people they are closest to, without really understanding why. They love their partners and their children. They don’t want them to feel belittled, scared, or disconnected from them, but their behavior is causing just that. They never pictured themselves turning into the kind of guy who _____________, and yet…
If you can identify with any of this, you need to get some help. And, on Episode 18 of The Man Rules podcast, Dan explains all the reasons why. You might think that it’s all your fault and that you’re just rotten to the core and that nothing can be done about it. But that’s not true. While you might never be “fixed” completely, you can get better. Besides, you don’t need to be “fixed” so much as to Discover, Uncover, and Recover. It’s a long ass journey, but it’s one worth taking.
So, talk to someone. At least one other person you trust. Tell them the truth about what’s happening in your life. Let them help you find a counselor, therapist, or treatment program, if need be. It may take all of your courage, but you can face what’s hurting you, tame it, and possibly even befriend it.
As cheesy as it sounds, you deserve to love, and to have all of you loved–the best and the worst of you. Does reading that last sentence make you uncomfortable? That’s because it’s definitely against the Man Rules. And that’s a huge reason Dan wrote A Man’s Way Through Relationships. It’s one of very few books written to help men navigate the most important experiences of their lives: intimate relationships.
Mindfulness expert Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn has said, “As long as you’re breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you, no matter how ill or hopeless you feel.” And, with a little help, you can find what’s right and use it to change what’s wrong.
About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin
Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.