Photo by MontyLov on Unsplash

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

When’s the last time you talked to another man about something that was going on in your life and how you were feeling about it? Something besides sports, business, or cars—Go ahead. Think about it. We’ll wait. If you’re like a lot of men (ages 25 to whatever), it’s a been a while. Loneliness and isolation is an epidemic in the western world in general, but especially among men. When men open up about the reasons they live in isolation, you often find that it is a fear of closeness and a fear of being hurt that keeps men from reaching out. “Keep people at a safe distance” is definitely a big Man Rule.

Suicide among men is at an all-time high. Something is killing men–and it’s called loneliness. Not the ABC afterschool special kind of loneliness, but the visceral loneliness of feeling completely separate and unable to share your true self and life struggles openly and honestly with anyone.

The Man Rules are pretty specific about what not to do when trying to befriend other men. Not only are many of those rules rooted in homophobia, but they also often prevent men from going beyond small talk and fart jokes in order to develop deeper, more intimate connections. (Not that there’s anything wrong with fart jokes, of course.)

In another candid and vulnerable episode, the Deep Dive Guys–Dan, Michael Dinneen, and Cody Gardner–are back to talk about their own struggles in maintaining friendships and to share strategies for developing strong and supportive connections with other men.

Practical & Tactical

1. Call somebody in your circle of friends every day to talk about what’s going on your life, and to listen–really listen–to what’s going on in theirs.
2. Be intentional about scheduling time to spend with your friends. Try setting aside a full day every month, if possible, just for “friend time.”
3. Think about the kind of friends you want to have. Focus on becoming that kind of friend for others.

Mentioned in this episode:

The biggest threat facing middle -age men isn’t smoking or obesity. It’s loneliness. (Boston Globe)

Dr. Sue Johnson

The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks

Rollin’ with my Homies, Coolio

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