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]]>I love doing The Man Rules podcast! I have learned and grown so much as a result. We’ve been producing episodes of The Man Rules podcast every week for almost 2.5 years now. It’s been an honor to provide this for free to our listeners as a resource for those in recovery, and those who just want to live more conscious lives.
We’ve reached a crossroads with the show. If we can’t find a source of funding to cover the show’s monthly expenses, we will discontinue production. After 2+ years of covering the expenses without any support it is no longer tenable.
Would you be willing to offer a small monthly donation to keep the podcast running? (Say, around $5 or $10 a month?) If so, send an email to [email protected] and let us know you’re interested. If enough folks say “yes” we’ll go through the process of setting up an official donation channel…
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Listeners of The Man Rules podcast tend to be types who, in one way or another, want to live better. They want to free themselves from the limitations placed on them by society’s rules for how men should behave. They want to move beyond the fears and emotional barriers that keep them disconnected from others. They want to move beyond addiction, shame, trauma, and self-doubt and live life as consciously and completely as they can.
All of this takes work. A lot of work. Constant, daily, continuous work. And work–well–sometimes it sucks. Although the work we’re talking about on our show comes with many invaluable rewards, you can still get burnt out by sometimes. That’s why, as Dan explains in this solo episode, it’s important to give yourself a break, in order to prevent yourself from giving up.
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In this episode, Dan is finally going to tell you the secret to always getting what you want, when you want it. And the secret is…
Let go of the idea that you should always get what you want when you want it.
Instead, spend some time thinking about your expectations. Start, perhaps, with expectations you have of your partner. Are they fair? Are they unfair?
More importantly, have you communicated your expectations? Have your expectations been negotiated and agreed upon by your partner?
When we fail to consider our expectations and to talk about them with others, we are setting ourselves up for resentment. Listen on for tips from Dan on how to get clear about what you expect from others and how to manage disappointment when you don’t get it. You’ll be amazed by how much a shift in your expectations, and a shift in how you approach them with your partner, can improve your relationship.
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“It is not death that a man should fear; but he should fear never beginning to live.” – Marcus Aurelius
On September 3rd, a good friend of mine died. Tragically. Even absurdly. While playing with his granddaughter and son in the ocean, his favorite place to be, he apparently hit his head on a rock while diving under a wave, was knocked unconscious, and then drowned. Crazy. And yet, that is the precious and ultimately unpredictable reality of life. We never actually know when it will end for us.
Tony was 62 and was just about to celebrate his 31st sobriety anniversary. In fact, his celebration of life ceremony was held on that exact day! It was most definitely a life well-lived. Tony exuded what I am constantly talking about: a conscious man. A father of 3 young men, grandfather, and loving husband of over 30 years, Tony was committed to being the best man he could be in every situation he was in. He exuded vulnerability and honesty. Whether it was in his personal or his professional life, his goal was to leave you and your life better than when he first met you or even saw you that day.
Tony was far from perfect but if you could see the smile that emanated from his face or feel the strength of his hug as his arms wrapped around you, you would know that he was a conscious man.
The truth is there is nothing fair about his death. But Tony believed in miracles and he knew that he was one. He found God in the ocean and on September 3rd, God found him there too.
I hope you enjoy this podcast and that it brings to mind the men like Tony you have been blessed to have in your life. Celebrate them – while they’re still alive.
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Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their experiences with discrimination, harassment, sexual assault and abuse at the hands of some of our nation’s most prominent and powerful men. We’ve seen women pointing out injustices and fighting for gender equality from the streets of Washington, D.C. to the stage at the Golden Globes.
The times are changing for sure. And, while hardly anyone would argue that these changes aren’t positive, it’s also true that change almost always brings with it some level of fear and uncertainty. Even the most open-minded, conscientious, and equality-loving man may wonder where all of this leaves him, and to navigate relationships with women in both his personal and professional life going forward…well, it can be quite a bit overwhelming. And confusing.
In this episode, Dan and Andrea Sauceda, the Executive Producer of The Man Rules podcast talk about their own perceptions of the progress being made toward gender equality and how men and women can bridge the gap.
Practical and Tactical Tips
- Don’t be afraid of anger. It can be a signal that there’s a real injustice to reckon. But, don’t let the anger dictate your actions. Accept it, feel it, then pause and think about where the anger is coming from, and consciously decide on the best action to take.
- Don’t be afraid of discomfort. We have to start having more real and honest conversations among men and women about our experiences and our perceptions of one another. That’s going to get weird sometimes. But, don’t avoid it, because if you do, you’ll miss any amazing opportunity to learn and grow. Practice sitting with discomfort by seeking out and following people and publications on social media that advocate for the opposite of your particular political views.
- Don’t be afraid to speak up. (When and where it’s physically and emotionally safe for you to do so.) The root of positive change is truth.
About Our Guest
Andrea Sauceda is a writer, marketing professional, amateur sociologist, and professional dork. Outside of her 9 to 5 day job, she helps Dan manage The Man Rules podcast, reads a lot, knits dishcloths, and worries too much about the downfalls of our society.
Mentioned In This Episode
Rebecca Traister on the coming #MeToo backlash
David Bowie and Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Statutory Rape Problem
Sarah Silverman Asks: ‘ Can You Love Someone Who Did Bad Things?’
Al Franken’s defiant, unapologetic resignation speech
Harvey Weinstein scandal: a complete list of the 84 accusers
Eight women say Charlie Rose harassed them with nudity, groping and lewd calls
Rep. John Conyers, Jr. resigns over sexual harassment allegations after a half-century in Congress
I Asked Men’s Rights Activists and a Pick-Up Artist About The Weinstein Fallout
Lindy West On How Rape Joke Proponents Paved The Way For Trump
“For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” – Audre Lorde
Episode 41: Gender Jiu-Jitsu with Dr. Jamie Marich
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Cheryl Sharp is an expert on trauma and resilience and a lifelong sailor. So, she knows a thing or two about dealing with rough waters, literally and figuratively. In this episode, she and Dan talk about the stunning cultural tsunami of the #MeToo movement and how it seems to be leveling and rearranging the ways in which men and women are expected to interact with one another. “The Water“–which Dan explains in the very first episode of this podcast–can destroy us, but it can also wash us clean.
If you’re a man who’s hesitant to listen to this one because you’re afraid you’ll hear only more arguments about how men are to blame, take heart. Cheryl has a great deal of empathy for men and the pain in them that often leads to inappropriate behavior. This doesn’t mean that she excuses the behavior–not at all. But, she does believe that the way forward is creating spaces where both women and men can speak openly and honestly about their feelings and their struggles.
Practical & Tactical
- Know your history. Understand how we got here.
- Don’t engage in a conversation about this unless you are coming from a place of inquiry. We need to always provide more questions to conversations than answers.
- In your own personal relationships, try to stay centered. When you feel triggered, use it as an opportunity for you to step back and give yourself a little space so you can figure out where that pain is coming from.
- Bonus!! Do your work. If #MeToo stories make you feel emotional, whether that’s sad or angry or defensive, it’s an invitation for you to do some healing. If you stop at feeling angry, the anger will defeat you. #MeToo is a powerful invitation for all of us, no matter where you are on the gender spectrum, to change, grow and heal emotionally and spiritually.
About Our Guest
Cheryl S. Sharp, MSW, ALWF is an Exclusive Consultant to the National Council for Behavioral Health Trauma-Informed Services and Suicide Prevention Efforts. As part of the trauma-informed care (TIC) team, Cheryl works nationally to facilitate TIC Learning Communities and is a content expert on trauma, resilience and TIC implementation. Her role as Exclusive Consultant for Suicide Prevention is to work nationally with National Council partners engaged in moving the needle on preventing suicide.
Cheryl is a person in long-term recovery from mental health and addiction challenges. She is a nine-time suicide attempt survivor who believes that understanding what happened to people changes the conversation from what is wrong with them. Sharp has worked with adult trauma survivors for over 30 years and is passionate about the fact that people can and do recover and go on to live happy, healthy and productive lives.
Prior to becoming an exclusive consultant for the National Council, Cheryl started and led all of the National Council’s trauma-informed initiatives. She led On Our Own of Maryland’s Statewide Consumer Networks as the WRAP Outreach Coordinator and was the Executive Director of the STAR Process located in Arizona as well as serving on their Board of Directors. Sharp received her BA in Psychology and a BA in Women’s Studies, followed by her Master’s Degree in Social Work from East Carolina University in North Carolina. She has done hospice social work which is also one of her ongoing passions.
Mentioned in This Episode
When Everything Changed by Gail Collins
“The Unexamined Brutality of the Male Libido” by Stephen Marche
bell hooks on the Roots of Male Violence Against Women, The New Yorker Radio Hour
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In this episode, speaker and teacher John Wineland defines masculine and feminine polarity (think magnetic fields) and their differing energies and strengths as they relate to intimacy and sex. John talks about how personal awareness of those different energies, which he labels as feminine and masculine, lead to deeper and safer connections with our partners. (We are not sure how much we agree on the labelling of these energies in gendered terms.)
Although it all may sound a little “woo-woo,” and you may not agree with everything John says, his intentions are just like ours here at the Man Rules Podcast: to help men create and sustain more effective connections. John seeks to bring a greater spiritual awareness to men and their relationships. You’ll walk away from this show with some practical strategies you can use to learn more about yourself and your partner by paying attention to the ways in which you both express masculine and feminine energies, and how to cultivate more presence and depth within yourself and your relationships.
Practical and Tactical
- Ask yourself, “Is this true?” and “What am I making up?” to help challenge your assumptions about your partner’s intentions. Share your perceptions with your partner or a trusted friend and ask them to give you honest feedback. Do they think you’re off base?
- Try this eye gazing technique: The masculine partner will try to match the breath of the feminine partner while looking into his/her left eye. Do this for 3 to 5 minutes. This helps to gently train your nervous system in a way that will make you more comfortable with intimacy.
- Make a conscious effort to slow down. What if you walked more slowly through the park, or through the office? What if you spoke more slowly? What if you slowed your breath down? Would you feel more in tune with everything that was going on within you and around you?
About Our Guest
Known for his groundbreaking work with men, John travels worldwide teaching his vision of embodied men’s work and deep relational practice. In 2014, he founded The New Men’s Work Project, which has attracted men from around the world looking to develop as leaders in their relationships and communities. The Project is committed to the staggering goal of creating 1000 men’s groups worldwide in the next ten years and has already supported trainings and groups throughout Europe and the U.S. John’s clients include entrepreneurs, leading thinkers in the world of personal development and entertainment, Ted speakers and creative leaders in Hollywood.
Mentioned in This Episode
Loving What Is, by Byron Katie
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]]>On this week’s episode, he and Dan talk about the ways that men can unpack their fantasies–whether they involve sex, money, fame, power, or all of the above–to find out who they really are and who they want to be. They also discuss all the reasons you need to make peace with your shadow side, and how to ask yourself the kinds of questions that will help you have a real and lasting impact on your work, on your love life, and on the world.
SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!
Practical & Tactical
- Become aware of the things you avoid and start to lean into them. How are those things shaping the results you achieve at work and in life? How are they shaping your intimate relationships? How are they shaping who you are as a man?
- Get familiar with your shadow side. Take a deep look at the parts of yourself that you tend to want to hide. Think about how you can be vulnerable about those things in a way that is conscientious and helps you connect with others.
- All men want to be great in bed. Think about what your fantasies are. What/Who do you objectify and why? Where do those fantasies come from and why do they exist? Recognizing these things will help you move past objectification and allow you to connect with your partner(s) and stay present in each moment.
About Our Guest
Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s health, wellness, success, and fulfilment. Connor is also an international speaker, podcast host, CEO, and leader of ManTalks mission to build a global brotherhood. business coach and lifestyle entrepreneur. Before founding ManTalks, Connor had a brief career as an opera singer and worked at Apple, leading high-performance sales and operations teams. Since founding ManTalks, Connor has spoken on stage at TEDx, taken ManTalks to over a dozen cities internationally and has been featured on platforms like Forbes, Influencive, HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women, CBC, CBS, and the National Post.
Mentioned on the Show
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