“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.” – Richard Rohr
Let’s think about the typical life cycle of a public sexual misconduct allegation. The conversation that surrounds each accusation tends to center around what’s right and what’s wrong. We want–no, we need–clear answers. Was it a harmless joke? Or, was it a clear violation of sexual boundaries? Is it right to fire him over that? Is it wrong to suspect the victim may be exaggerating? Is going to “sex addiction treatment” just a way for the perpetrator to try to shirk responsibility for his actions? What if the perpetrator isn’t a man? What if the victim isn’t a woman?
Dr. Alexandra Katehakis returns to the show to help Dan finally and definitively answer all of these questions—JUST KIDDING! There, of course, are no definitive answers to these questions. That’s one of the many things that makes this gender-based cultural upheaval extremely confusing and sometimes painful. While at the extreme ends of the sexual misconduct spectrum, we can clearly label some people as criminals and others as victims, there’s a lot of room in between for varying degrees of nuance.
Though Alex and Dan don’t provide us with all the answers, they do make a convincing case for embracing the chaos in a way that forces us to be more honest with ourselves and with each other, and for seizing the opportunity to have these conversations in our homes, workplaces, churches, and schools, so that we can build a better future based on true gender equality.
Resources
If you have questions about sexual disorders or want to get some some perspective on the current public conversations around gender and sexuality, you can call the Center for Healthy Sex at 310-843-3902.
Practical and Tactical
- Keep conversations about sex and sexuality out of the workplace. When in doubt err on the side of caution— especially right now.
- Talk to your sons about what it means to be male in this culture and how to behave appropriately. And, talk to your daughters about boundaries. Take these community conversations into churches, PTAs, and communities. Just the act of having a dialogue starts to stretch our minds.
- Just try to be more conscientious as you walk through your days.
About Our Guest
Alex Katehakis is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Los Angeles. She has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality from sexual addiction to sex therapy, and problems of sexual desire and sexual dysfunction for individuals and couples. Alex has successfully facilitated the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalizing their sex lives.
Dr. Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in West Los Angeles, CA. She has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University. Dr. Katehakis earned her PhD from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in 2017.
Additionally, Alex appears as a regular guest sex expert every Friday on Dr. Drew Midday Live on KABC Talk Radio to discuss sex, addiction and sexuality. She has been a guest on several national radio programs and appeared on Voice America and WebMD, both live on-line Internet programs, as a sexual addiction expert. She is a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and other websites. Alex teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings and has been published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.
Mentioned in This Episode
Jay Z talks about going to therapy.
