If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother! The late, great Robin Williams put it so well: Sometimes you aren’t even aware of how deeply your experiences with your mother – or lack thereof – could be affecting your life today.
According to poet Rick Belden, the Mother Wound is “an injury to the psyche of a child, resulting from significant dysfunction or disruption of a relationship with the mother. In some cases, it is the result of a mother’s absence, or unavailability due to death, illness, adoption or other circumstances that dramatically separate a child from the mother. But more typically, a Mother Wound is a complex of injuries the child’s psyche received over many years, often as a result of the mother acting consciously or not out of her own woundedness.”
The Mother Wound can manifest in so many ways, but Rick told Dan, “One of the most severe kinds of psychic wounding occurs when the child’s primary function in the relationship is to be used by the mother to meet her own narcissistic needs.”
Where can you even begin healing trauma that is so deep, so complex, and so painful? Be sure to listen to the full episode for Dan and Rick’s insight, but these tips are a good start.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Is it acceptable for you feel angry with or critical of your mother?
- Do you feel like it’s okay to tell your mother “no” when she wants something, including your time and attention?
- How do you feel after you’ve interacted with her? How do you feel the next day?
Bonus: Write a letter to your mother from the perspective of yourself as a child or adolescent.
Listen to the full episode here:
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About Our Guest
Rick Belden is a respected explorer and chronicler of the psychology and inner lives of men. He has been writing for most of his life and has been using creative expression, dreamwork, personal mythology, and listening to the body as tools for self-healing since 1989.
His book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.
Rick’s poetry and essays have appeared in multiple books and on numerous websites around the world, reaching an international audience of many thousands of men and women. He helps men who are feeling stuck get their lives moving again by drawing on over 25 years of experience exploring men’s issues, masculine psychology, and recovery from abuse.
He lives in Austin, Texas.
About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin
Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.
Mentioned in This Episode
Rick Belden on The Huffington Post
Terry Real (See also: Episode 4)
