Amid all the onslaught of disturbing statistics about our country’s addiction epidemic, it can be easy to lose sight of the individual rays of hope that personal recovery stories represent.

This week on The Man Rules podcast, host Dan Griffin brings together his pals the Deep Dive Guys to talk about their own recovery stories in celebration of National Recovery Month.

Just listening to the episode might be reassurance that “it works if you work it.” But for those looking to live a better life today – in recovery or no – these tips might be a great start.

Practical & Tactical Tips

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: The Gift of Desperation (Episode 31) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Many children of addiction turn to substances themselves to get through the pain, and still more see their lives forever altered in other devastating ways.

If you’ve been through it yourself, you know how an addicted family member can cast a shadow over your whole life.

But there is hope.

More than ever, resources targeting the family of people struggling with addiction offer a path out of the madness.

If you’re ready to begin the journey into the light yourself, check out this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast, where host Dan Griffin and guest Dr. Tian Dayton explore the concept of emotional sobriety and addiction in families.

And in the meantime, these practical and tactical tips could be a great start.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Go to a 12-Step program—whichever one is right for you—and stay in it past your judgments. Stay in it until you can really hear what people are saying and open your mouth to share what’s going on inside of you. Get your “soles” in the rooms.
2. Get excited about figuring out who you are. When things go wrong, instead of getting scared or frozen, get curious and go wherever that leads you.
3. Put love at the burning center of your life. Take a look around at what you have and appreciate it. It’s like watering a plant—you nourish what you look at with love and appreciation and that helps it to grow.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Tian Dayton, MA, Ph.D., T.E.P is the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute where she runs training groups in psychodrama, sociometry and experiential group therapy. She served as Caron’s director of program development for eight years and Breathe’s for four. She was also a professor at NYU for eight years teaching psychodrama and currently sits on the Scientific Advisory Board for the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA). She is a fellow of the American Society of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy (ASGPP), and is the winner of their scholar’s award and the President’s award. She has served as Editor in Chief of the Journal of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy for ten years and as an executive editor for eight, she sits on the professional standards committee. She is also the winner of The Mona Mansell Award and The Ackermann Black Award for her contributions to the field of addiction.

Dr. Dayton has been a guest expert on NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Montel, Rikki Lake, John Walsh, and Geraldo. She is the author of fifteen books including, Neuropsychodrama in the Treatment of Relational Trauma, The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: How Childhood Trauma Impacts Adult Relationships, Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance, Trauma and Addiction: Ending the Cycle of Pain Through Emotional Literacy, Heartwounds : The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships, Forgiving and Moving On , The Living Stage: A Step by Step Guide to Psychodrama and Experiential Therapy, The Magic of Forgiveness. She is also a Huffington Post blogger and a Thrive Global blogger. Her films and videos include The Process, A 73 Minute award-winning docudrama that uses Psychodrama to tell stories of addicts; Adult Children of Alcoholics, Trauma and The Body: A Psychodramatic Approach and Healing Childhood Abuse through Psychodrama. She is also a certified Montessori teacher and a Senior Fellow at The Meadows. For more information about Dr. Dayton, visit www.tiandayton.com

Mentioned in this Episode

Emotional Sobriety, Book by Tian Dayton

ACoA Trauma Syndrome, Book by Tian Dayton

I’ll Quit Tomorrow, Book by Vernon Johnson

ACoA or ACA

ACA Laundry List

Eugene O’Neill – “The past becomes the present.”

ACES Study

Dr. Rob Anda (ACES Study)

12 Step Programs

THRIVE workshop at The Meadows

Survivors workshops at The Meadows

Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse (Family Roles)

Psychodrama

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: All In The Fam Damily (Episode 29) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

But if you can’t depend on Google to answer your recovery questions, where can you turn?

Trying to help a loved one who is struggling with addiction can be overwhelming with so many options – and still, in a way, so few options – available.

Where do you begin? Who should you trust? The following questions can help guide you as begin to look for an interventionist or addiction counselor.

• What is your background and training? Are you a licensed counselor? 
• What are your credentials? Are you certified?
• How many interventions have you done?
• Are you a member of a professional organization?
• Can we have references from other families you’ve done interventions for?
• Do you work for a treatment center? And do you refer clients only to that treatment center? Do you receive any kickbacks or payments from treatment centers?
• Are you truly independent? Is it fair to say that you work only for us, the family?
• What kinds of placement options will you give us? How many will we have to choose from
• How will we navigate insurance coverage versus out-of-pocket expenses?
• How do we pay you? What are your fees?

For more on where to turn when you need help getting help, listen to this week’s podcast with host Dan Griffin and interventionist David Brown, below.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

David Brown is a professional counselor, interventionist, mentor, coach, public speaker and educator. You are likely to find him in any conversation related to recovery and the world of addiction. He is passionate about working with men and helping them on their journey.

He has done over 350 interventions. He stresses that the most successful interventions he has done were ones in which concern was conveyed without shame, without ultimatums, without being hurtful. We hold loved ones accountable without being hurtful. The family is trained to express what they see and how they feel about it and are taught that they may only be planting seeds that grow later. We tend to judge our efforts by the outcomes but we have no control over the outcomes. We just give it our best most informed shot! What is really important are the family efforts and their expressions of love.

He was educated in England and has traveled the world extensively during a successful career in international sales. He has lived in Germany, Kenya, and India and made his home in the USA some years ago. He speaks German fluently. He is an exceptional communicator, storyteller and polished presenter with expertise in strategic and consultative selling. He brings an entrepreneurial background to the Behavioral Health Field and has a unique Rolodex of important contacts in the UK, Ireland, Europe and the Far East.

He has been married to the Lovely Lucy for 34 years and is a proud man in recovery.

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: When You Need Help Getting Help (Episode 28) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

There is a powerful line from the amazing movie Magnolia: “You may be through with the past, but the past isn’t through with you.” Unfortunately, most ACAs, even those who are high-achievers, at some point in their lives find that they were not, in fact, able to leave all of their pain behind them when they walked out the door. Particularly, once they begin forming intimate relationships and starting families of their own, they find themselves struggling in ways they don’t quite understand.

They blow up at their kids, they wall themselves off from their partners, they have unhealthy conflicts with friends, coworkers or neighbors. They never drink a drop of alcohol or use another drug, and yet it feels like they are suddenly turning into their parents – they are slowly becoming that which they promised they would never become. What the hell is going on?

In this episode of the Man Rules podcast, Dr. Tian Dayton explains what’s going on and gives a ton of poignant and life-affirming advice on how to make peace with your past so you can experience peace in the present.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Tian Dayton, MA, Ph.D., T.E.P is the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute where she runs training groups in psychodrama, sociometry and experiential group therapy. She served as Caron’s director of program development for eight years and Breathe’s for four. She was also a professor at NYU for eight years teaching psychodrama and currently sits on the Scientific Advisory Board for the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA). She is a fellow of the American Society of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy (ASGPP), and is the winner of their scholar’s award and the President’s award. She has served as Editor in Chief of the Journal of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy for ten years and as an executive editor for eight, she sits on the professional standards committee. She is also the winner of The Mona Mansell Award and The Ackermann Black Award for her contributions to the field of addiction.

Dr. Dayton has been a guest expert on NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Montel, Rikki Lake, John Walsh, and Geraldo. She is the author of fifteen books including, Neuropsychodrama in the Treatment of Relational Trauma, The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: How Childhood Trauma Impacts Adult Relationships, Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance, Trauma and Addiction: Ending the Cycle of Pain Through Emotional Literacy, Heartwounds : The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships, Forgiving and Moving On , The Living Stage: A Step by Step Guide to Psychodrama and Experiential Therapy, The Magic of Forgiveness. She is also a Huffington Post blogger and a Thrive Global blogger. Her films and videos include The Process, A 73 Minute award-winning docudrama that uses Psychodrama to tell stories of addicts; Adult Children of Alcoholics, Trauma and The Body: A Psychodramatic Approach and Healing Childhood Abuse through Psychodrama. She is also a certified Montessori teacher and a Senior Fellow at The Meadows. For more information about Dr. Dayton, visit www.tiandayton.com

Mentioned in this Episode

Emotional Sobriety, Book by Tian Dayton

ACoA Trauma Syndrome, Book by Tian Dayton

I’ll Quit Tomorrow, Book by Vernon Johnson

ACoA or ACA

ACA Laundry List

Eugene O’Neill – “The past becomes the present.”

ACES Study

Dr. Rob Anda (ACES Study)

12 Step Programs

THRIVE workshop at The Meadows

Survivors workshops at The Meadows

Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse (Family Roles)

Psychodrama

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

The post Episode 29: All in the Fam Damily – Dr. Tian Dayton on Emotional Sobriety and Adult Children of Addicted Families appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Some people use every drug there is, and nothing happens. They can walk away. So why can’t those others? Are they just bad, selfish people who lack morals and values? Or, are they people struggling with a chronic illness?

Clear as mud.

With addiction currently affecting the lives of 23.5 million Americans— not counting the friends and family of those addicted, who are also deeply affected by the disease— how can we have so little clarity about what addiction actually is or how to “cure” it?

In this episode, Dr. Kevin McCauley, a former Naval flight surgeon who is himself in recovery from opioid addiction, explains how something as fundamental as human choice can become part of a disease process. In a refreshingly down-to-earth way, he explains how our brains respond to the most enticing of human phenomena, pleasurable experiences, and how the system that creates those experiences can break, leading to addiction— Sometimes. Hey addiction! Seriously, WTF!

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Kevin McCauley, MD was a Naval Flight Surgeon with the Third Marine Air Wing

when he became addicted to opioid pain relievers. Following his court-martial and incarceration at Fort Leavenworth and subsequent treatment he began lecturing on the neuroscience of addiction. He wrote and directed the film “Pleasure Unwoven” used by many treatment centers to explain the brain disease of addiction. Currently, he travels between his home in Honolulu and Utah where he is the Director of Program Services at New Roads Behavioral Health. He is also a Senior Fellow at The Meadows.

Mentioned on This Episode

2016 Men in Recovery Project (Video Series)

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong (Johann Hari TED Talk)

How Science is Unlocking the Secrets of Addiction (National Geographic)

Carl Hart

Howard Wetsman, MD

Mark Gold, MD

ProtectingSobriety.com (The Institute for Addiction Study)

Pleasure Unwoven (Movie)

Memo to Self (Movie)

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

The post Episode 27: Hey, Addiction! WTF? appeared first on Dan Griffin.

As Brené Brown has shown beautifully, you can’t teach vulnerability without being vulnerable. Not really. Not with integrity. It is so easy to be the teacher. To be the expert. Maintaining such a persona can be very safe. After all, I am a Senior Fellow at The Meadows. I am author of several books. Blah, blah, blah. That is all of the subterfuge the ego comes up with to keep us disconnected.

The truth is my life fell apart quickly right after I completed the workshop at The Meadows. The same one I just wrote about last week. It was amazing and powerful with amazing vulnerability from all. There was more, however, to the story.  What happened is at the core of my work and is absolutely a part of the larger conversation about men, relationships, and trauma.

As it was my first workshop at a place as special as The Meadows is to me I had some anxiety. Was I going to have an impact? Was I going to bring value to these people’s lives? I worked hard to do my own grounding and get support for those feelings of insecurity so I could be present. That said, it was there with me the whole weekend.

I was very focused on creating a safe and tight space for the attendees. I gave everything I had. They knew it, they felt it, and they appreciated it. I focused on my self-care every day with meditation, prayer, grounding exercises, and checking in with others. Nonetheless, I was exhausted. I had dipped deeply into my own vulnerability while honoring the fearless vulnerability of those in attendance. The workshop ended and I said goodbye to the participants thanking them for their trust and their amazing work.

Being exhausted I had nothing left for the two people who mean the most to me: my wife and my daughter. How often is that the case for men? So often we define our value by what we do and who we think we are, giving all of our energy to those endeavors. Without even meaning to we arrive home with an empty tank many times not even realizing it.

This time my wife and daughter had come with me for this trip because it was on a holiday weekend and I really don’t like giving up my weekends because of the toll that travel takes.

My number one message to the attendees: take care of yourselves and be very mindful of “aftershocks” from the work you did. I was paying attention to how I was doing and had I been alone and had time to decompress I would have been able to better transition. But I didn’t. And I was caught very off guard. It is amazing how quickly, when you’re dysregulated and your brain has been trained for anger and reactivity, it can happen. Seemingly out of nowhere but, of course, that is not true. There is a complex process taking place and the more we can slow it down and see it, the easier we can manage it and intervene when we need to. But when we have nothing left in the tank? The bottom line: I was spent and much more vulnerable and raw than I realized.

I wrote the following in my first book A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps in a section I called “All is well.” The quote is from the chapter on Step Two which explores the idea of how we find faith and sense that, despite much of the seeming evidence to the contrary, everything is going to be alright:

Life sometimes feels as though it is falling apart for one very simple reason – because it is. In fact, life is constantly falling apart, and then offering us the opportunity to experience the full depth of what it means to be human. When you are settled with deep faith in the inherent goodness of the Universe, invite your life to fall apart. You will be okay. You will be okay because “All is well”……No matter how your outside life is arranged. No matter how crazy the world seems. No matter how much it seems as though the dark side has won. No matter how you feel. “All is well.” 

I hold that truth to be self-evident and that makes a huge difference when your brain is telling you otherwise. When that fight or flight reaction fires, that deep knowledge might just not be accessible because of how tenuous – at best – our connection is to the pre-frontal cortex, the keeper of knowledge. My brain has been programmed to fight for many, many years. Though that wiring is undoubtedly changing it is still there and can still be easily sparked.

There is no question that I acted hurtfully to two of the people I love the most. From a spiritual perspective there has already been a lot of positives to come out of that including me deepening my own work and seeing a therapist again. It also created an amazing space for a new conversation between the three of us for healing with new communication and boundaries.

I may never be the man I aspire to be but I am far from the man that I was. I always say that it is not about doing life perfectly, it is about doing our lives consciously. At the end of the day that is all that we can ask.

There are still spots available for the April 28-30 workshop at The Meadows. You can learn more about it HERE. 

The post Things Fall Apart: A Man’s Way Workshop – Part 2  appeared first on Dan Griffin.