“If it’s true that men want sex 24/7, what does it mean if he won’t have sex with me?”

“Why won’t he engage in foreplay before sex or cuddling after? There’s no affection or intimacy.”

“Why is sex only about what he wants? Doesn’t what I want matter?”

If you’re a woman who has asked yourself these questions about your man, you are certainly not alone. Why are these issues so common in relationships? And what can be done about it?

This week, Allen Berger is back to help Dan shed some light on the thing that often prevents men from experiencing real intimacy through sex–fear. Specifically, the fear of violating the man rule pertaining to sex, which frankly might also be called “the porn rule” because so much porn reinforces a very narrow perspective on what men should want, how they should behave, and how they should approach sex in general–but, we digress.

Listen for a very candid discussion of the fears and false beliefs that likely limit your man’s expression of his sexuality and find out how to work alongside him in overcoming them.

The post What Men Would Tell You…About Sex appeared first on Dan Griffin.

In this episode, Dan gives a short talk on what it might mean for men if we all started having more earnest conversations about sex, reflecting on what we want from it, what we need from it, and what it means to us personally. How can we move beyond some of the unhealthy and unrealistic expectations The Water sets up for us, and define our own sexuality

The post Let’s Talk About Sex appeared first on Dan Griffin.

When you have sex (or masturbate) do you have a goal in mind? Do you approach each sexual encounter with an unconscious strategy toward the endgame? (C’MON OF COURSE YOU DO.) Cam Fraser, a certified sexologist, Yoga teacher, and pioneer of conscious sexuality, is here to explain that by taking a goal-oriented approach to sex, you might be selling yourself, and/or your partner short.

Cam posits that all of our experiences are based in three relationships: our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our deeper consciousness, and our relationship to our environment and other people. In this episode, he offers tips for deepening our relationship in all three areas, through the practice of giving and receiving pleasure, while expanding the focus of sex beyond orgasm and ejaculation.

The post Doing It, Consciously appeared first on Dan Griffin.

What is sex for?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? You may think, “procreation, of course” but that doesn’t explain why people who don’t want kids have sex. If you say, “fun and pleasure,” that doesn’t explain why, for the most part, we still seek out sex with other humans–even in an era where we can access porn within seconds, have sex toys discretely delivered to our doorsteps in two days or less, and maybe even order ourselves a sex robot, if all we really need are no-fuss orgasms.

The only explanation left, is that sex allows us to feel a certain type of connection and intimacy with another human being, that is difficult to achieve in any other way. In this episode, Alexandra Katehakis of The Center for Healthy Sex is back to talk to Dan about sex and intimacy, and how men can begin to identify what they really want and need from a sexual partner, which is often hidden–even from themselves–by The Man Rules, which tell them what they should want.

The post What is Sex For? appeared first on Dan Griffin.

This is a replay of one of our favorite episodes. If you feel frustrated by discussions about consent and sexual morality, this is definitely one you won’t want to miss…

Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it recently intensified with reactions to the story a woman named “Grace” told to Babe.net about a sexual encounter she had with comedian Aziz Ansari. On news sites and Facebook feeds nationwide, people are asking, “Was that encounter assault, misconduct, or just a bad date? Is Aziz Ansari a good guy or bad guy? Is “Grace” a  victim or a liar?

According to Mike Domritz, who has been teaching audiences far and wide about consent for years, these are the wrong questions to ask. He and Dan talk about what consent really means and what it doesn’t, and about what’s at stake when we’re too afraid to ask the right questions. Isn’t “consent” really the least we can do?  What if we built a culture of mutuality instead? What if every person truly had the freedom to choose whether they wanted to have sex, without guilt, pressure, coercion, or the spectre of gendered cultural expectations?

The post Beyond Consent: Building a Culture of Mutuality appeared first on Dan Griffin.

The post I Object(ify)! appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a smooth and easy one, but we can help you figure out how to be more involved, more present, and more engaged as a parent and a partner. That’s what we’re aiming to do in this series of Daddy Downloads from The Man Rules podcast.

In this episode, Dan shares some thoughts on how Dads can help keep the home fires burnin’ in the bedroom and beyond.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Don’t lose sight of each other or your relationship. Babies are very demanding. It can be all too easy for the focus to shift entirely to the child. That’s not healthy for your relationship, and what’s not healthy for your relationship, ultimately isn’t healthy for your child anyway.
2. Date nights are not dead. Especially after the baby is born, but also during pregnancy. It’s worth the effort.
3. Find ways to connect other than sexual intercourse. Get creative!  
4. Masturbate. And talk about it with your partner.  (No, really.)

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. Dan’s work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. Dan’s book, A Man’s Way through Relationships, is the first book written specifically to help men create healthy relationships while navigating the challenges of the “Man Rules,” those ideas men internalize at very young ages about how to be real boys and men.

Dan’s professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. He is also the author of A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps, the first trauma-informed book to take a holistic look at men’s sobriety. He co-authored Helping Men Recover, the first comprehensive gender-responsive and trauma-informed curriculum for addiction and mental health professionals. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The post Daddy Download – Will We Ever Have Sex Again? appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Most relationship self-help books are roundly dismissed as being “for women.” And, some guys just aren’t all that into reading anyway—or so “they” say. (We wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that the books, products, and services are simply not marketed to men.)

Dan always talks about how, in the 21st century, growth in the expectation that men show up with vulnerability and intimacy has been exponential, while guidance to help them learn how to do that has been minimal. And, most of what is available is critical of men or reinforces more traditional and outdated ideas of masculinity.

For men looking to make some crucial changes in their lives and improve their relationships, it may be difficult to find resources that appeal to them and fit their lifestyles. What can they do to help broaden their perspectives and gain more personal insight?

How about podcasts?

One of the reasons we created The Man Rules podcast was to give men resources that can meet them where they are. Podcasts can be a great gateway for men who aren’t yet used to the idea of taking time out every day for self-reflection. They can listen in the car to and from work, or while they’re tooling around in the garage, cooking dinner, or working out.

Most importantly, they can learn from other men who have been where they are, and easy to relate to as they share their own ongoing struggles to live more consciously.

The Man Rules Podcast on Relationships

One frequent assumption our society makes about men is that they don’t care about relationships. However, it’s often trouble with a primary relationship— spouse, partner, or ex — that often first motivates men to look for help. Here are four podcast episodes from The Man Rules podcast archive that give men some practical tips on common relationship stumbling blocks:

How He Can Reconnect After an Argument

In this episode, Dan explains how men can get comfortable with vulnerability in spite of The Man Rules’ insistence that they never feel nor show vulnerability. And, he shares some great tips on how men can improve their communication skills, and create emotional safety in relationships for themselves and their loved ones.

When He’s Cheated or Wants to Cheat

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan talks to Rob Weiss, and therapist and sexologist, about why men cheat, how they can regroup and reconnect with their partners when they feel the urge to cheat, and how they can truly heal their relationships with their partners if they have cheated. They also touch on some of the pros and cons of porn, the ins and outs of internet dating, and the struggles many men have today with expressing their masculinity and sexuality in healthy ways.

When People Walk All Over Him

Dan talks to psychologist Ross Rosenberg about what he calls “self-love deficiency disorder.” Men struggling with it tend to be attracted to narcissists like moths to flame. They stay in relationships with narcissists, no matter how poorly they’re treated, because of an inability to recognize their own inherent worthiness. They feel, subconsciously, that they have to constantly prove that they are worthy of love by sacrificing their own needs and desires for the love of someone else.  

When His Ideas About The Man Rules and Sex Get in the Way of True Intimacy

In this recording of a talk given at The Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, Dan offers his humorous and insightful take on the ways in which one of the cardinal Man Rules (i.e. have as much sex as possible, as often as possible, with as many women as possible) is enforced in our society, and the ways in which it hinders men’s relationships and their mental health. He also shares the surprising ways in which shame and fear lead men to constantly— and unconsciously — seek emotional safety through sex.

Online Relationship Course for Men

Dan has designed a FREE four-session online course that will help men understand why they struggle in relationships and give them an “exercise plan” to work on between sessions.

Men will learn:

• How their ideas about what it means to be a man block them from having the relationships they truly want
• How to take an honest inventory of their relationships
• Specific exercises to help them understand what keeps certain relationships from working
• And, most importantly, specific steps they can take to make improvements in their most important relationships!

Sign-up at A-MANS-WAY.TEACHABLE.COM

The post How Podcasts Can Help Men Improve Their Relationships appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Why are we afraid of giving “girl toys” to little boys? Why don’t we have those same fears about giving little girls “boy toys?” Delene van Dyke, a sexuality and gender diversity educator from South Africa, explains how all of that has to do with the way we tend to put everything into binary categories. This or that. Either this or that. Black or white. Boy or girl.  Gay or straight.

And what about the labels of “gay or straight?” Are those categories even as simple a label as they seem? For example, particular sexual behaviors, like receiving anal stimulation during sex have been identified as quintessential marks of male homosexuality. But many men who identify as straight also enjoy varying degrees of anal stimulation. Does that mean that they are secretly gay, or that human sexuality is more nuanced and complex than we’ve been led to believe? The problem, as she brilliantly has shown, is that we’ve conflated what really should be separate phenomena – gender, sexual identity, body parts, and sexual behavior.

This episode may help you understand more of the “whys” behind some of our society’s biggest social issues right now. And, as Delene says on the show, once you know the why, the how–particularly how to effect positive change–will often take care of itself. It’s usually when people step outside of their binary boxes that the magic happens.

Practical and Tactical Tips

1. When you wake up tomorrow morning start looking at how society makes differentiations between men and women. Just observe. Don’t try to make it a big thing—you will feel overwhelmed if you try to change into this person you’re not ready to be yet. But, if you begin to look for it, you will see it. Then when you’re ready, start to ask, what is the impact? What does it mean?
2. Start building more awareness around what you think and feel. Is it real? Is it true?
3. Find someone of the opposite gender who you are comfortable with. Start having heart-to-heart conversations with them about their experiences in the world. Listen without judgment or defenses, with a goal of understanding.

About Our Guest

Delene van Dyke is a nurse therapist and nurse educator by profession, with more than 20 years’ experience in the field of mental health, sexual health and education.She runs her own consultancy, 2nd Sight Consultants, focusing on training, development and mentorship of individuals and groups, to understand human sexuality, specifically sexual and gender diversity, better and integrating it with Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights work. Her work includes the prevention of HIV and Gender-Based Violence, and consultation to various governments, NGOs and private institutions in Africa and internationally. At the World Association of Sexual Health Congress in Singapore, July 2015, the training modality, Binaries & Boxes (or Not!) was acknowledged as groundbreaking in understanding gender and sexual identity, diversity and fluidity. She also works as part of the multidisciplinary team in specialized sex-positive sexual health private practice, facilitating in increased understanding of sexual and gender diversity for clients and colleagues.

Mentioned in This Episode

Teen Vogue

Everyday Feminism

Rob Weiss

The Water

The post Beyond the Binary – Episode 50 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality, but this episode focuses solely on women’s particular struggles. Our guest Kit Maloney talks to Dan about the ways in which women are encouraged by our culture to disconnect from their bodies, to avoid exploring about their own sexual pleasure, and to look outwardly toward men and the media for cues on what they should and should not want sexually, rather than relying on her own inner values and desires.

So what can men do with this information? How can men—especially straight men—support women in this journey? Kit shares some great tips on how men can move beyond their own fears and insecurities about female pleasure, and support women in their journey to discover their authentic sexual selves.

Kit also offers women a special opportunity to take The Pleasure Pledge, in which they commit to exploring their own sexual pleasure, on their own terms, every day in February, capitalizing on a month that already celebrates love, romance, and healthy sexuality at its best.

Practical and Tactical Tips

1. Know that women’s masturbation and solo sex practice does not have anything to do with their masculinity. She’s not trying to replace you. She’s learning more about who she is and what works for her sexually, and as long as you’re supportive, is probably looking forward to sharing that newfound knowledge with you.

2. Honor how important it is for your partner to know her body and how to turn herself on. This takes a ton of pressure off of you and makes your own ability to turn her on that much more delightful.

3. When we truly honor women’s sexual pleasure, we release ourselves from so much confusion around consent.

About Our Guest

For the last two decades, Kit Murray Maloney has been an activist, academic, and entrepreneur committed to channelling her passion for gender equity into a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure. She’s earned a Masters degree in Gender and Social Policy from the London School of Economics; has been featured in Marie Claire and Glamour magazines, and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. She launched her multi-media site O’actually to create a more open dialogue around the existing taboo and yet the ultimate importance of women’s self-pleasure and to promote creative, beautiful, and HOT erotic works made by women for women. Because genuine female orgasms heal and better the world.

Mentioned In This Episode

O Actually
The Pleasure Pledge
A Billion Wicked Thoughts (book)

The post Eager to Please – Episode 48 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it have intensified with reactions to the story about a sexual encounter a woman had with comedian Aziz Ansari. On news sites and Facebook feeds nationwide, people are asking, “Was that encounter assault, misconduct, or just a bad date?” “Is Aziz Ansari a good guy or bad guy?” “Is the woman who told the story a  victim or a liar?”

According to Mike Domritz—who has been teaching audiences far and wide about consent for years—these are the wrong questions to ask. He and Dan talk about what consent really means and what it doesn’t, and about what’s at stake when we’re too afraid to ask the right questions. Isn’t “consent” really the least we can do?  What if we built a culture of mutuality instead?  What if every person truly had the freedom to choose whether they wanted to engage sexually without guilt, pressure, coercion, or the specter of gendered cultural expectations?

Practical and Tactical Tips

1. Don’t think in terms of “good people versus bad people” when it comes to sexual misconduct. It allows us to disidentify and avoid having honest conversations about our own less-than-ideal behaviors.
2. Instead of framing allegations of sexual misconduct in the news with the question of,  “Was it assault/misconduct/harassment or not,” pause and ask yourself, “Does it sound like the sexual activity was equally wanted by all parties?
3. Take a look at yourself and determine that you’re only going to engage in sexual activity that is mutually-wanted by all partners. Nobody is immune to sexual pressures, but you can choose to say, “I will not let pressure make my decisions for me.”

About Our Guest

For over a decade, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring individuals with his hilarious sense of humor and his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from audiences. Schools, organizations, military bases and more constantly rave about what a lasting impact he has with his audience. In addition to his speaking and writing, Mike Domitrz founded and is currently the Executive Director of The DATE SAFE Project. Through interactive presentations, creative educational resources, and unique national initiatives, The DATE SAFE Project is committed to being the nation’s leading organization for creating healthier dating environments, a clearer understanding of “consent” and for raising awareness on the many issues surrounding sexual assault.

Mentioned on the Show

The Date Safe Project

The Everyday Mindfulness podcast

“I’m a sexual consent educator. Here’s what’s missing from the Aziz Ansari conversation.” – Jaclyn Friedman, Vox.com

“Violence against women – it’s a men’s issue.” Jackson Katz, TEDTalk

“Everyone Deserves a Choice.” Mike Domritz on The Man Rules Podcast, Episode 8

The post Sexual Deliberation: Building a Culture of Mutuality – Episode 47 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

In this episode, speaker and teacher John Wineland defines masculine and feminine polarity (think magnetic fields) and their differing energies and strengths as they relate to intimacy and sex. John talks about how personal awareness of those different energies, which he labels as feminine and masculine, lead to deeper and safer connections with our partners. (We are not sure how much we agree on the labelling of these energies in gendered terms.)

Although it all may sound a little “woo-woo,” and you may not agree with everything John says, his intentions are just like ours here at the Man Rules Podcast: to help men create and sustain more effective connections. John seeks to bring a greater spiritual awareness to men and their relationships. You’ll walk away from this show with some practical strategies you can use to learn more about yourself and your partner by paying attention to the ways in which you both express masculine and feminine energies, and how to cultivate more presence and depth within yourself and your relationships.

Practical and Tactical

1. Ask yourself, “Is this true?” and “What am I making up?” to help challenge your assumptions about your partner’s intentions.  Share your perceptions with your partner or a trusted friend and ask them to give you honest feedback. Do they think you’re off base? 
2. Try this eye gazing technique:  The masculine partner will try to match the breath of the feminine partner while looking into his/her left eye. Do this for 3 to 5 minutes. This helps to gently train your nervous system in a way that will make you more comfortable with intimacy.
3. Make a conscious effort to slow down. What if you walked more slowly through the park, or through the office? What if you spoke more slowly? What if you slowed your breath down? Would you feel more in tune with everything that was going on within you and around you? 

About Our Guest

Known for his groundbreaking work with men, John travels worldwide teaching his vision of embodied men’s work and deep relational practice.  In 2014, he founded The New Men’s Work Project, which has attracted men from around the world looking to develop as leaders in their relationships and communities. The Project is committed to the staggering goal of creating 1000 men’s groups worldwide in the next ten years and has already supported trainings and groups throughout Europe and the U.S.  John’s clients include entrepreneurs, leading thinkers in the world of personal development and entertainment, Ted speakers and creative leaders in Hollywood.

Mentioned in This Episode

John Wineland’s Website

Loving What Is, by Byron Katie

The Meadows

The Mankind Project

David Deida

Imago Dialogue

Nonviolent Communication

The post Episode 40: The Polarity Express appeared first on Dan Griffin.

On this week’s episode, he and Dan talk about the ways that men can unpack their fantasies–whether they involve sex, money, fame, power, or all of the above–to find out who they really are and who they want to be. They also discuss all the reasons you need to make peace with your shadow side, and how to ask yourself the kinds of questions that will help you have a real and lasting impact on your work, on your love life, and on the world.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Practical & Tactical

1. Become aware of the things you avoid and start to lean into them. How are those things shaping the results you achieve at work and in life? How are they shaping your intimate relationships? How are they shaping who you are as a man?
2. Get familiar with your shadow side. Take a deep look at the parts of yourself that you tend to want to hide. Think about how you can be vulnerable about those things in a way that is conscientious and helps you connect with others.
3. All men want to be great in bed. Think about what your fantasies are. What/Who do you objectify and why? Where do those fantasies come from and why do they exist? Recognizing these things will help you move past objectification and allow you to connect with your partner(s) and stay present in each moment.

About Our Guest

Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s health, wellness, success, and fulfilment. Connor is also an international speaker, podcast host, CEO, and leader of ManTalks mission to build a global brotherhood. business coach and lifestyle entrepreneur. Before founding ManTalks, Connor had a brief career as an opera singer and worked at Apple, leading high-performance sales and operations teams. Since founding ManTalks, Connor has spoken on stage at TEDx, taken ManTalks to over a dozen cities internationally and has been featured on platforms like Forbes, Influencive, HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women, CBC, CBS, and the National Post.

Mentioned on the Show

ManTalks

Connor Beaton’s website 

The post Episode 38: Beyond Boobs, Babes, and Bloodsports with Connor Beaton appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Despite all the ways that sex continues to pervade our culture, research shows that the younger generations are having less actual, in-person sex than you might think. And those having sex might still feel like something’s missing.

This week, therapist and sex researcher Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D, joins host Dan Griffin to explore the ways that honesty, vulnerability, and a little bit of self-exploration can do more for your sex life than any app.

If you’re ready to get started, try these easy tips.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Sit down with a piece of paper and ask yourself what you really like sexually. What’s true for you right now? What brings you pleasure? Don’t edit it and don’t judge it.
2. Vulnerability is highly attractive when, paradoxically, it’s coming from a place of strength, meaning that you have a sense of certainty about who you are. That kind of vulnerability allows you to take the risk of being honest with yourself and honest with your partner(s), which in turn, helps you grow yourself up sexually in ways that are novel, exciting, and deeply fulfilling.
3. Get clear about what you want in a relationship. As you start to move toward an intimate relationship with someone, pay attention to whether they are really present and receptive during sexual encounters, or if they are putting on an act. The keys to better sex and better relationships are awareness and appropriate action.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Alexandra Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles and the author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction,Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatmentand co-author of the award-winning daily meditation book, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence and contributing author of the award-winning clinical textbook Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts. Katehakis is a clinical supervisor at American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and clinical supervisor and member of the teaching faculty for the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) a national certifying body for sex addiction therapists. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today and The Huffington Post,as well as a prominent expert panelist at sexuality conferences and public events.

Mentioned In This Episode

Mirror of Intimacy, by Alexandra Katehakis

The Center for Healthy Sex

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: Sex Is A Crisis & An Opportunity (Episode 34) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

So, if you are a man, and find yourself craving intimacy, feeling attached to one of the women you have sex with, not interested in women, feeling afraid or confused about sex or your sexuality due to past trauma, and/or feeling insecure about your body— SEE MAN RULE #1.

For better or worse, sex is often central to men’s perceptions of themselves and to their experiences as men. Recently, at The Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, Dan presented his humorous and insightful take on the ways in which this rule is enforced in our society, and the ways in which it hinders men’s relationships and their mental health. He also shares the surprising ways in which shame and fear lead men to constantly— and unconsciously — seek emotional safety through this cardinal Man Rule.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Mentioned In This Episode

David Foster Wallace

This is Water (Essay by David Foster Wallace)

Gender Reveal Parties

Griffin Recovery Enterprises

About Dan

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

The post Episode 33: It Ain’t Just About Getting Laid appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Your intense attraction to this person must be love. So, you enter into a relationship. Soon, your dream lover morphs into a bit of a nightmare. They’re a bottomless pit of need– full of unreasonable expectations, vicious insults, and insane demands. Your own needs and wishes don’t seem to matter to this person at al l… So, you leave, right?

Well … Not, if you suffer from what psychologist Ross Rosenberg calls “self-love deficiency disorder.” Men struggling with it tend to be attracted to narcissists like moths to flame. They stay in relationships with narcissists, no matter how poorly they’re treated, because of an inability to recognize their own inherent worthiness. They feel, subconsciously, that they have to constantly prove that they are worthy of love by sacrificing their own needs and desires for the love of someone else.  

But, wait. Isn’t this whole self-sacrifice-in-the-name-of-love thing kind of… girly? Aren’t most men egomaniacs? How can they suffer from a lack of self-love? Dan and Ross explain all of that and more, and offer up some great resources for men who find themselves trapped in the endless cycle of pathological care-giving, addiction, and shame.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT has been a psychotherapist since 1988.  He is a distinguished international speaker, writer, trainer,consultant, and expert in the addiction/sex addiction codependency, narcissism, and trauma fields.  He owns ClinicalCare Consultants, a multi-location Chicago suburb counseling center, and Self-Love Recovery Institute, formerly Advanced Clinical Trainers.

Ross wrote the highly acclaimed and best-selling book “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us,” which draws on his own codependency recovery and 30 years of experience in the mental health, social service, and child welfare fields.  It has been published in both French and Spanish.

Ross is an internationally renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and trainer, who has presented in 27 states and twice in Europe.  Because of his YouTube channel, his work has gone globally viral. Of the more than 6.0 million total views, 4 million have been in the last two years. His current subscriber base is at 53,000 and is growing at 23K a year.

Mentioned In This Episode

Ross’s YouTube Channel

Human Magnet Syndrome (Book)

Spanish Human Magnet Syndrome (Book)

Self-Love Recovery Institute  

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

The post Episode 26: Self-Love Is So Unmanly! Ross Rosenberg on Narcissism, Addiction, and Self-Love Deficiency in Men appeared first on Dan Griffin.

But is that really a good thing?

Dan sat down with Dr. Robert Jensen this week to explore the implications of porn for individuals and our culture at large, especially considering its role in male-dominated power systems.

“There’s nothing wrong with human beings using our creative capacities to explore the complexity of life …” Dr. Jensen says, “but there’s a difference between using our artisit and creative capacities and pornography.”

“It might be … that our sexual explorations are better conducted with real-live people and not through this mass-mediated channel.”

If you’re ready to reexamine your relationship with porn, these practical and tactical tips are a great star.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Instead of asking yourself what kind of man you want to be ask yourself what kind of human you want to be. Free yourself from worrying so much about what it means to be a man.
2. If you’re using porn, ask yourself why. Is something missing in your life or in your intimate relationships?  What are some ways you could find what you’re missing outside of pornography?
3. Think about what gets you aroused. Is it connected in some way to ideas of male power? What does that mean?

Listen the full episode here:

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About Our Guest

Robert Jensen is a professor in the School of Journalism at the University of Texas at Austin and a board member of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center in Austin and the national group Culture Reframed. He is the author of The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men (Spinifex Press, 2017). Jensen’s other books include Plain Radical: Living, Loving, and Learning to Leave the Planet Gracefully (Counterpoint/Soft Skull, 2015); Arguing for Our Lives: A User’s Guide to Constructive Dialogue (City Lights, 2013); All My Bones Shake: Seeking a Progressive Path to the Prophetic Voice, (Soft Skull Press, 2009); Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity (South End Press, 2007); The Heart of Whiteness: Confronting Race, Racism and White Privilege (City Lights, 2005); Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (City Lights, 2004); and Writing Dissent: Taking Radical Ideas from the Margins to the Mainstream (Peter Lang, 2002). Jensen is also co-producer of the documentary film “Abe Osheroff: One Foot in the Grave, the Other Still Dancing” (Media Education Foundation, 2009), which chronicles the life and philosophy of the longtime radical activist.  An extended interview Jensen conducted with Osheroff is online . Jensen can be reached at [email protected] and his articles can be found online at http://robertwjensen.org/.

Mentioned in this Episode

Getting Off: Pornography and The End of Masculinity

The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men

Candida Royalle

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: Power, Porn, and Patriarchy (Episode 20) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

If there’s one thing that Rob Weiss, MSW, knows for sure from his more than 25 years as therapist and sexologist, it’s that men don’t respond well to bullshit. That’s why his new book “Out of the Doghouse” takes care to help men understand what women go through emotionally when they’ve been cheated on without the usual shaming and finger-wagging.

Rob has spent much of his career counseling heterosexual couples torn apart by infidelity, and over and over again he’s seen men struggle to understand why their female partners just can’t “get over it” once they’ve apologized for cheating.  In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, he and Dan talk about why men cheat, how they can regroup and reconnect with their partners when they feel the urge to cheat, and how they can truly heal their relationships with their partners if they have cheated.

They also touch on some of the pros and cons of porn, the ins and outs of internet dating, and the struggles many men have today with expressing their masculinity and sexuality in healthy ways.

The post You Cheated. Now What? – Episode 7 appeared first on Dan Griffin.