In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan and Andrea struggle along with the rest of American through a conversation about Brett Kavanaugh, gender-based privilege, and the politicization of victimhood. All of those are fancy words for some real “complicated shit.”

By the end of the episode, the honorable podcast hosts both rule in favor of self-reflection as critical to growth and the development of real, meaningful and lasting success. Without it, one could remain frozen in adolescence, using the same old markers of success from his high school and college days–love of beer, sly references to esoteric sexual innuendos, athletic and academic achievements, and did he mention his love of beer?– as markers of success when he’s in his fifties. That would indicate that he might be a man who, when he became a man, failed to put away childish things. (Just sayin’.) Sadly, protracted adolescence is nothing new for a lot of men. The Man Rules and how we raise boys to be men sets a lot of men up for that but how do we support them in taking responsibility for it?

Lack of self-reflection can leave one blind to their own privilege, blind to the power that often comes with that privilege, and unaware that they can do real damage with the choices they make. One man’s “silly” behavior, is another man’s – or woman’s –  abusive and demeaning behavior.

At the end of the day, it can be really hard to see The Water sometimes. Especially when there’s a benefit to not seeing how other people may be drowning in the same water in which we are swimming so freely. How do you know the difference? Well it certainly has to happen in conversation with other. And we have to listen to others. And believe their truth. That cannot happen without humility. And one cannot have humility when they simply stand in judgement of others.

About Our Guest

Andrea Sauceda is a writer, marketing professional, amateur sociologist, and professional dork. Outside of her 9 to 5 day job, she helps Dan manage The Man Rules podcast, reads a lot, knits dishcloths, and worries too much.

Mentioned In This Episode

How Christine Blasey Ford’s Testimony Changed America (Time magazine)

Defending Brett Kavanaugh Isn’t an Attack on Women (Real Clear Politics)

The Myth of the Male Bumbler ( The Week)

Kavanaugh Said He Had ‘No Connections to Yale.” He Was, In Fact, A Legacy Student. (Newsweek)

Terry Crews Shares Apology Letter From Executive Who Resigned in His #MeToo Case (New York Times) 

Ex-Ohio State wrestlers sue school claiming it ignored sexual abuse (Reuters) 

Thirteen states now investigating alleged sexual abuse linked to Catholic church (NBC News)

The post Juvenile Justice appeared first on Dan Griffin.

The first phase in bringing about positive change is raising awareness. (In other words, the first step is recognizing and admitting that there is a problem.) So, this month, and every month, we’re bringing your awareness to articles, studies, and podcasts that shine a light on the unique struggles men face in today’s society.

Men Need Self-Care Too

Unfortunately, the phrase “self-care” has been reduced to little more than an advertising buzzword. It’s used over and over to try to sell spa packages, candles, and Yoga classes to women. This week, Popular Science magazine reminds us that self-care is about more than manicures and expensive vacations. AND, that it’s not just for wealthy white women…

• People who need self-care the most aren’t getting it. Just ask a trucker. – PopSci.com

Support for Men with Cheating Spouses

We love “Thanks for Sharing” podcast hosts Jackie P. and Jon T. Whether you’re a person in recovery or just a person struggling to carry your own emotional baggage (i.e. everyone), each time you listen to their podcast you walk away feeling less alone. And, they are definitely woke— as the kids say these days— to The Man Rules. (Not to brag or anything, but they did even have Dan on as a guest once…)   

In this episode, they aim their compassion and understanding toward male partners of sex addicts. Note: This means that women can be sex addicts— Shocker!

They point out all the ways in which The Man Rules discourage men from seeking support for the often devastating experience of being cheated on by a spouse or partner. Although the discussion focuses specifically on men with female partners who identify as sex addicts, the same principles can apply to any man who has experienced the pain of learning that the person he loves has been unfaithful.

• Male Partners of Sex Addicts – Thanks for Sharing podcast

Male Survivors of Sexual Assault Are Breaking the Silence

“But as any Freudian will tell you trauma is stronger than any mask; it can’t be buried and it can’t be killed. It’s the revenant that won’t stop, the ghost that’s always coming for you.”

Every attempt we’ve made to write a summary of best-selling author Junot Díaz’s devastating yet inspiring essay has failed miserably to capture its power and significance. So, please, just go read it, let it sink into your bones, and it let spur you into action on behalf of male survivors of childhood trauma.

But we want to be very clear: you can heal from trauma. The ghosts haunting you can be tamed. The narrative of your life can be rewritten. We have to tell the stories so the voiceless have a voice and The Man Rules have less of a stranglehold on the hearts of men. We honor Mr. Diaz for his courage.

• The Silence: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma by Junot Díaz writing for The New Yorker

Send Us Your Favorite Links!

Have you run across a great article, study, or podcast that changed the way you think about men and relationships? Email it to [email protected] or tweet it @authordgriffin.

The post Consciousness Raising: April 2018 appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Justin Baldoni:

Why I’m done trying to be “man enough”

Actor Justin Baldoni knows a thing or two about following a script, both onstage and off. As a kid, he found himself struggling to fit in with the other boys at school and was angry at his “unmanly” father for not being the type of guy who was into the usual “guy stuff.” As he became a young adult he was even a bit complicit in reinforcing negative male stereotypes through his work as an actor and model. Now, as a husband and father himself, he’s stepped up to be a game-changer for his generation, by proving to men and boys that it’s okay to just be themselves.

Tony Porter:

A call to men

‘There are many wonderful things about being a man… but there’s some stuff that’s just straight up twisted.” And as he demonstrates in his talk the twisted stuff can sometimes lead a man to compromise his own values, and his own humanity, before he risks violating any of The Man Rules. Tony makes a passionate argument for helping men break out of the man box and changing the way we raise our sons and daughters.

Jackson Katz:

Violence against women—it’s a men’s issue

The central argument of Jackson Katz’s talk is only one of the remarkable things about it. He also manages to deliver this message in a way that demonstrates how it’s possible to show up in a way that is both “masculine” and vulnerable. His voice is strong, but it shakes a little, he is unhalting in his assertions but often pauses mid-sentence, there’s a “tough love” quality to his tone, but at times he seems nearly moved to tears. It all adds up to a very powerful 18 minutes, and an irresistible call to action. But, I do have one reservation: he focuses only on the need for “good” people to intervene when they witness abusive behavior. It doesn’t mention the need to provide resources for the men who offend to help them stop the abusive behavior. But, none of that detracts from the power and importance of his overall message.

What are some of your favorite TED Talks for men?

The post Three TED Talks That Are Changing The Meaning of “Man Up” appeared first on Dan Griffin.