Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the agenda or that the agenda is failing them.  The Man Rules may be limiting in many, many ways, but for a while, they at least provided solid ground for men to stand on. Lately, that ground has begun to crumble beneath their feet.

Men today are awash in intense conflicting messages about what it means to be a man. And, they are finding that the things that they once took for granted as the rewards for following The Man Rules–the right job, financial security, sex, marriage, family–are not as easily guaranteed as they’d been taught.

This episode will help you understand how depression shows up differently in men and will give you some practical advice on how to recognize and address the symptoms in yourself and others. While it’s true that these changes will likely lead to more opportunities for both men and women in the future, it’s important to make sure that we don’t lose too many men in the shuffle.

The post Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression appeared first on Dan Griffin.

If you want to change old patterns of thought and behavior—like choosing more consciously how The Man Rules fit into your life—you’re going to need to broaden your perspective and gain some personal insight. There’s no better way to do that than reading. I know, I know… No one has time for that these days. Not in a world of smart phones and Netflix. But, if you’re serious about developing a practice that will lead you toward a more conscious masculinity, I strongly encourage to add reading to your repertoire–even if it’s only a page or two a day.

Each month I’ll be sharing three books that have helped me along the way…here are the books for the Month of May, our special 1 year anniversary celebration list. If you or someone you know struggles with depression or anger issues or overall relationship challenges (uh, who wouldn’t be in that camp?) then check out these books.

I Don’t Want to Talk About

by Terry Real

Depression is a very insidious disease. For the longest time it was really thought to be an issue mostly for women. Men didn’t even come forward about it. Even those men who did find themselves getting help didn’t get the right help because the majority of the therapists and “helpers” didn’t understand what male depression looks like. Until Terry wrote this groundbreaking book. With men’s suicide rates at all-time high, the increasing pressure for men to be relational and connect, and our even increasing focus on mental health, in general, in this country male depression is not going away. It continues to be missed by men, their loved ones, and professionals working with men and couples. If you have questions about depression, are concerned about yourself or a loved one, check out this book and get a better understanding of what depression can look like in men and the best ways to treat it.

The Anger Solution

by John Lee

If you are familiar with my work then you have probably heard me talk about the anger funnel. The idea that men learn to take all of the feelings that are not okay to share or even experience – fear, sadness, insecurity, shame, hurt, etc – and place in a funnel where they come out as some form of anger. Understanding what feelings are underneath the anger is an essential part of men’s healing and building true intimacy in any relationship. But what is the difference between anger and rage? Is anger really the issue?

If you struggle with anger in any way – and chances are it may be more rage that you struggle with – this book and all of John Lee’s work could be very helpful. As someone who has been brought to his knees many times over the years by rage, trauma, and shame I am learning the power of having a healthy relationship to anger. If anyone has ever given you feedback about being angry, mean, or an asshole check out this book and John’s work.

Love Secrets Revealed

by Dr. Allen Berger

I love Allen and his work. He has a wonderful way of communicating complicated ideas. There are a lot of books out there on relationships and intimacy and how to improve them. A lot of them are crap, if you ask me. This is a really good one but I am biased. Read it for yourself and see what you think.

Tell me About Your Favorite Books

Do you have some favorite books that have changed the way you think about men and relationships? Email your recommendations to [email protected] or tweet it @authordgriffin or reach out on Facebook.

The post RecomMENded Reading – May appeared first on Dan Griffin.

Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the agenda or that the agenda is failing them.

Men today are awash in intense conflicting messages about what it means to be a man. And, they are finding that the things that they once took for granted as the rewards for following The Man Rules–the right job, financial security, sex, marriage, family–are not as easily guaranteed as they’d been taught.

There’s a lot for men to be depressed about these days. The Man Rules may be limiting in many, many ways, but for a while, they at least provided solid ground for men to stand on. Lately, that ground has begun to crumble beneath their feet.

The challenge is that men don’t necessarily know that they are depressed. In fact, it can be quite easy for them to miss it. So how can we help them see it? What can their partners do?

This episode will help you understand how depression shows up differently in men and give you some practical advice on how to recognize and address the symptoms in yourself and others. While it’s true that these changes will likely lead to more opportunities for both men and women in the future, it’s important to make sure that we don’t lose too many men in the shuffle.

Practical and Tactical

1. Depression in men often hides behind anger, addiction, and other forms of acting out. Address those behaviors first. Once you do, the underlying depression will come to the surface and can be addressed.
2. Empower the spouses of depressed men to stand up to them and guide them toward getting help.
3. The root of male depression is disconnection. Reconnecting with your own vulnerability is an important step toward reconnecting.

About Our Guest

Terry Real is a family therapist and author who focuses on men’s issues and couples therapy. After struggling to overcome his own issues with depression, he published the book I Don’t Want to Talk About It, which addresses the unique ways men cope with depression. The book, which became a bestseller, led Real to realize the importance of addressing this issue on a larger scale. In 2002, he founded the Relational Recovery Institute, which aims to offer healing and wholeness to men through their own resources, with the support and engagement of the parents and partners in their lives.

Real serves as a faculty member at the Family Institute of Cambridge, in Massachusetts, and he is the former director of the Gender Relations Program at the Meadows Institute in Arizona. Real maintains a private practice in Massachusetts and continues to present lectures on relationship issues and to teach men how to achieve a fully rewarding and satisfying life.

Real has been recognized by his peers as a pioneer in bringing to light the often understated and hidden psychological issues that face men in and out of relationships. He has been featured on national television programs and has had his work with male clients made into a documentary titled All Men Are Sons.

Mentioned in This Episode

Terry Real’s website

Relational Life Therapy Training

I Don’t Want to Talk About It (Book)

Michael Kimmel

Angry White Men (Book)

Erik Erikson

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