Living life in recovery can be challenging on even the best of days. (Of course, the hardest day sober is still better than the best day living under the thumb of addition.) But with the world more on edge than ever, and violence seemingly spiraling out of control, it can be easy to get overwhelmed. The tools of recovery are always at hand, but when the world seems so crazy, what can you do to stay centered?
Whether in recovery or not, numbing out is not the answer. From something as extreme as turning to drugs, to simply distracting yourself with work, turning away from your feelings is not a long-term solution.
This week’s Man Rules podcast might not help anyone make sense of the tragedies of recent weeks. But hopefully, you can use these tips and tricks to take care of yourself in this swirl of insanity. Just do the next indicated thing.
Practical & Tactical Tips
Dr. Allen Berger shares his 12 Tenets of Emotional Sobriety.
- Develop an awareness of the gravitational pull of emotional dependency.
- Surrender your special status that tells you you can impose your expectations on others, and on life itself.
- Become aware of, and surrender, all of your unenforceable rules.
- Move away from environmental support and toward self-support.
- Refuse to live a life based on shoulds.
- Maintain your balance by keeping your emotional center of gravity grounded in your own truth.
- Look for a creative adaptation to problems.
- Stop playing the blame game.
- Claim your experience, rather than allowing your experience to claim you.
- Cultivate nourishing attitudes toward your problems, toward yourself, and toward others.
- Experiencing trouble in your recovery or in your relationships doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your program; it’s a signal pointing you toward where you need to grow.
- When you face trouble, add more self.
SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!
About Our Guest
Allen Berger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in family and couples therapy, and in the science of addiction and recovery. He is best known for his work on integrating modern psychotherapy with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and for his insights into emotional sobriety. He is also recognized for his outstanding work as a psychotherapist and trainer.
He brings a highly unique background to his profession. His own personal journey in recovery started in 1971, on the beautiful island of Oahu, Hawaii. There he fell in love with recovery and with helping people find their way out of the abyss of addiction into the light of recovery. He overcame dropping out of high school, and received a doctorate in clinical psychology from UC Davis in 1987.He was trained and mentored by two brilliant clinicians: William C. Rader, M.D. and Walter Kempler, M.D..
He is the author of several journal articles as well as two books: Love Secrets – Revealed (HCI Books, 2006) and the Best Seller, 12 Stupid Things that Mess up Recovery (Hazelden, 2008)). His pamphlet How to Get the Most out of Group Therapy (Hazelden, 2007) helps new admissions understand the process of group therapy and how to use the group to optimize their experience in treatment.
His office is located in Southern California where he divides his time amongst private practice, teaching, writing and playing tennis.
Mentioned in This Episode
The Big Book (AA)
The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions (AA)
Earnie Larsen and Stage 2 Recovery
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
CCAPP conference
Addiction and Recovery Resources
Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.
General Information about Addiction
SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association
For People with Substance Addictions
For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions
SMART Recovery Family and Friends
Partnership for Drug-Free Kids
Network of Independent Interventionists
Association of Intervention Specialists
