Welp. Here we are. The final episode of The Man Rules podcast. Dan and Andrea (the show’s producer) take the opportunity to reminisce, reflect, and ruminate on what might be next… Sometimes, abundance comes from letting go. You’ve gotta make…
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While the podcast is no longer running please feel free to listen to any and all of the episodes!
That’s All Folks.
What Men Would Tell You… About Having All The Answers
There’s no tenure for manhood. The false promise of The Man Rules is that if you follow them closely enough, for long enough, you will soon rest easy in your identity as a man. But, the truth is, a man’s…
Childhood Heroes and Personal Mythologies
All stories we relate to are based either on our wishes or on our fears. Sometimes–or maybe even often–both. That’s what makes this week’s episode with friend of the show Rick Belden such a powerful one. Rick leads Dan through…
Coping with Changing Gender Expectations
This week, friend of the show Dr. Michael Levittan is back to help us sort through the many changes in our expectations of men and women over the years, and how psychology and psychotherapy have played a role in helping…
All Good Things Must Come to An End
After more than two years of operation, we have made the difficult decision to end production of The Man Rules podcast. So, this week Dan’s solo episode–his last solo episode–is about what it means to embrace change. One thing we…
How to Stay Sober AF
Early sobriety can be lonely. Many people recovering from alcohol and other substance use disorders find that they have to change their entire social structure. And, that’s not something that happens overnight. It takes time to develop an entirely new…
What Men Would Tell You… About Winning
“If you’re not first, you’re last.” That’s the mantra of Ricky Bobby, a champion NASCAR driver (played by Will Ferrell) in the cinematic masterpiece, Talledega Nights. The great thing about that quote, and about the movie, is that it gently…
Leggo my Ego
Dr. Lou Cox has studied the ego for decades. He joins Dan to talk about his work and his new book, Ego: The Ghost in Your Machinery. Specifically, he and Dan talk about the male ego and how men…
Support the Podcast
This week, Dan’s back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.) Would…
Is Masculinity Toxic?
Thankfully, discussions about gender conformity and its influence on mental health, crime, and violence have hit the mainstream. A big part of that discussion focuses on the idea of “toxic masculinity.” Is masculinity itself at the center of all of…
Help! We Need Somebody…
I love doing The Man Rules podcast! I have learned and grown so much as a result. We’ve been producing episodes of The Man Rules podcast every week for almost 2.5 years now. It’s been an honor to provide this…
Sugar Addiction and Compulsive Overeating
When we think about addiction and recovery, we tend to think specifically about drugs–both recreational and prescription– including alcohol. But, some people struggle with other substances and behaviors that we don’t often talk about when we talk about addiction–things like…
What is Love?
Is love a feeling or an action? Is it a choice we make, or is the result of a magical bond with another person that is impossible to explain? Do you decide to be a loving person, or are you…
What Men Would Tell You…About Sex
“If it’s true that men want sex 24/7, what does it mean if he won’t have sex with me?” “Why won’t he engage in foreplay before sex or cuddling after? There’s no affection or intimacy.” “Why is sex only about…
Doing The Work with Byron Katie
Look around your local gym long enough, and you’re likely to see the phrase “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional,” emblazoned on a bumper sticker, a T-shirt, or a bicep in the form of a tattoo. It’s one thing to…
Let’s Talk About Sex
Our culture is weird about sex. We’re surrounded by allusions to it constantly–in our advertisements, TV shows, movies, music, websites–but it’s rare for any of those mediums to address it in a way that isn’t salacious or jokey. It’s rare…
A Deep Dive with a Stay-at-Home Dad
Men’s experiences as fathers are more varied than popular culture would have you believe. Although the doors are beginning to open a little wider for men who want to take on duties that were traditionally only part of Mom’s domain,…
What Men Would Tell You… About Their Fathers
When we become fathers, so many of our choices are reactions to how our fathers raised us. We often either fall in line with his expectations, or rebel against them. Either way, we aren’t really making our own choices, based…
Gay Men and Their Fathers
In honor of both Father’s Month and Pride Month, we’re replaying this episode from 2018, featuring the late Tim Clausen. Tim interviewed more than 80 men for his book Not the Son He Expected: Gay Men Talk Candidly About Their…
Fathers Failing Forward
It’s not easy being a dad–at least not all the time. There were no manuals. No instruction. No classes. Not really. And so, as Dan says all the time, we do it imperfectly. We try to parent consciously, but we…
Doing It, Consciously
When you have sex (or masturbate) do you have a goal in mind? Do you approach each sexual encounter with an unconscious strategy toward the endgame? (C’MON OF COURSE YOU DO.) Cam Fraser, a certified sexologist, Yoga teacher, and pioneer…
What Men Would Tell You…About Being Cool
Being “cool” is ultimately about fitting in. And, unfortunately, one of the requirements of fitting in for most men–whether their definition of “cool” leans more toward the Jock table or the Dungeons ‘n Dragons table–is pretending that you have no…
The Unspoken Legacy of Emotional Trauma
It was a true honor to have Claudia Black, a pioneer in the study of the impact alcoholism has on families, join us on The Man Rules podcast. Claudia has dedicated her life to looking at the impact of trauma…
What to Do When You’re Sick of It
Listeners of The Man Rules podcast tend to be types who, in one way or another, want to live better. They want to free themselves from the limitations placed on them by society’s rules for how men should behave. They…
Daddy Download: Awesome Dads Know Their Story
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
What is Sex For?
What is sex for? Have you ever asked yourself that question? You may think, “procreation, of course” but that doesn’t explain why people who don’t want kids have sex. If you say, “fun and pleasure,” that doesn’t explain why, for…
What Men Would Tell You… About Fighting
As a kid, you probably wanted to be cool. And if you were a boy, being cool meant being tough. Being tough meant being able to fight and win. If you weren’t tough, you immediately felt inadequate. You weren’t…
Money Matters: Talking Finance with Marty McAlpin
Money. Everybody wants it; nobody wants to talk about it. Except Dan, of course, and his friend and financial advisor Marty McAlpin. In this episode, they give an overview of various money disorders and help us increase our financial vocabulary….
Why Men Fight
If you’re a man, chances are, at some point when you were a boy, a man in your family made a conscious effort to teach you how to properly throw a punch. That was a skill you would need as…
Daddy Download: The New Rules for Dads
The rules have changed for being a Dad. There’s a lot of pressure these days for men to be more emotionally involved in parenting than their Dads were. But without role models, guidance and support for making these radical changes,…
Men and Mortality
One of the most frequently mentioned Man Rules is “don’t be weak.” As a result, many men end up feeling ashamed when they become ill or injured. “Don’t be weak” may also be at the heart of a man’s resistance…
What Men Would Tell You… About Being a Protector
Once a month, Dan and Dr. Allen Berger sit down to talk about a chapter from their forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You…If We Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV. The title of the book is meant to be humorous,…
Keep It Clean
Once Tidying up with Marie Kondo hit Netflix this past January, it seemed like everyone was suddenly talking about the real impact of household upkeep on our minds, bodies, and spirits. Of course, conversations about the division of household labor…
How’s The Water?
All too often men are tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle we face, we’re often given some version of the same, age-old advice: “Man Up.” (What the hell does that even mean? Especially…
Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the…
Not as Seen on TV
This episode is a replay of one we first posted in back in 2017. Gillette’s recent “Toxic Masculinity” ad recently brought ideas about the ways in which men are portrayed in popular media to the mainstream. Dr. Andrew Smiler has…
Get it Together, Man
As we near the end of January, we often also near the end or our resolve to finally get our shit together this year. We made our resolutions because we know that the feeling of being perpetually disorganized and out…
What Men Would Tell You…About Success
American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said that true success is “… to appreciate the beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better…” Clearly, that guy never had two kids and a mortgage. In this…
Keeping it 100
Is “keeping it 100” a thing people still say these days? Many eons ago, back in 2015, it meant “to be you, be honest, be true to yourself and the people you love, be unapologetic but respectful at the same…
Making Habits Last
For many of us, vowing to change our habits at the beginning of a New Year has become, well… a habit. Unfortunately, all of the hope and good intentions we have on December 31st, rarely sustains us past the second…
Santa Gets Real
We all have a story about what it means to be a man. What we aim to do on The Man Rules podcast is to help each other figure out how we can be the authors of our stories. We…
12 Stupid Things You Can Do to Mess Up The Holidays
Okay, you’ve requested your time off from the boss, booked the plane tickets, sent the cards, bought the presents, and baked the cookies –or completed any number of your traditional holiday tasks. So, you may think that you’re ready for…
Get What You Expect
In this episode, Dan is finally going to tell you the secret to always getting what you want, when you want it. And the secret is… Let go of the idea that you should always get what you want when…
How to Have a Happy Holiday—Yes, Really.
The holidays truly are magical. They have the power to magically transform fully functioning adults back into their adolescent selves, the moment they step into a room with their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins. No matter how much you’ve…
What Men Would Tell You…About Vulnerability
There are two ways we tend to think about vulnerability these days. The first is in terms of our technology. When websites like Facebook experience a data breach, we are reminded that our personal information is “vulnerable” to hackers. (That’s…
Transformers
If you think about it, nearly every story we pay attention to is one about transformation. The main character in your favorite movie likely starts out in one state, something happens, and they end up in a different state by…
Daddy Download: Because I Said So
To parent is to spend most days in a state of barely-concealed, barely-contained insecurity, if not outright terror! Our little loves trigger not only our fears for them–will they be happy, successful, productive members of society?–but also our deepest fears…
How to Get Over Yourself
In our monthly Deep Dive episode, Dan talks in depth with one man about how The Man Rules have impacted his life, and how he has worked toward a more conscious masculinity. This week Michael Dinneen manages to say a…
Scheduled Maintenance For Your Soul
This post is being brought to you from the great city of Indianapolis, where Producer Andrea lives. For those who are unfamiliar, the Indy 500 is a race where odd looking vehicles with really big tires whip around a circular…
What Men Would Tell You… About Control
Aziz Acharki What do people mean when they say that “it’s a man’s world?” They mean, in most cases, that men possess most of the power and control in our society. But, what does that mean? Most men balk at…
Daddy Download – Will We Ever Have Sex Again?
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
Juvenile Justice
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan and Andrea struggle along with the rest of American through a conversation about Brett Kavanaugh, gender-based privilege, and the politicization of victimhood. All of those are fancy words for some real…
A Damn Good Man – A Tribute to Tony Marquez
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
What Men Would Tell You… About Crying
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lion
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
The Bullet & The Butterfly Wings
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
Waking Up: A Deep Dive with Chris Cole
In The Man Rules Deep Dive episodes, Dan talks to one man about his particular experiences coming to terms with some facet of his identity as a man. This month, our Deep Dive guest is Chris Cole, author, life coach,…
What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV
Everyone is interested in how men and women can get along these days. The model Allen and Dan offer is different. No more “we’re from different planets.” As our regular listeners know, Dan is working on a new book, What…
Daddy Download – What About Me?
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
A Tribute to Tim Clausen
Tim Clausen, author, jazz musician, and friend of The Man Rules podcast, passed away on July 29. Tim was on a mission to help men—especially gay men—find their voices, find peace, and find love in all of its many forms….
I Love You…Man
It’s rarely easy for any of us to say “I love you” for the first time. But, this can be especially true when one straight guy loves another straight guy. Of course, those times are changing. Especially thanks to your…
What Men Would Tell You… About Women
It’s been said that men are women are from totally different planets. All of the struggles they have in relating to one another are a result of the fact that they are just two totally different species, and the only…
Men After #MeToo
Change is hard. And, as men, we’re being asked to do a lot of it lately. The good news? We’re prepared for it. We’ve been preparing all of our lives for it. We just didn’t know. When we were growing…
Daddy Download – Don’t Get Mad, Get Glad
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
Need a Vacation From Your Vacation?
Everyone looks forward to summer vacation! That is, until it’s actually time to go. That’s when the expectations you’ve had for the perfect, blissful family getaway meet reality. Unless you’re traveling solo to a remote, private tropical island and have…
Not the Son He Expected: Deep Dive with Tim Clausen
The stories we tell about our Dads can shape the way we feel about ourselves and about the world. If your father was distant or critical, you may struggle with the idea that you’re not “man enough.” You may…
More Than a Moustache
The Movember Foundation is a multinational charity that aims to raise awareness of and money for men’s health. They address some of the biggest health issues faced by men: prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention. And…
Daddy Download: 3 Co-Parenting Tips for New Dads
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a smooth…
Good Grief, Dad
In this monthly What Men Would Tell You…If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV episode with Allen Berger, the two talk about Dads in honor of Father’s Month on the Man Rules Podcast. Specifically, the ways in which many men…
Dear Dad: Write a Letter to Transform Your Relationship With Your Father
You have issues with your Dad. Whether you have a great, not-so-great, contentious, or non-existent relationship with him, there are bound to be some pain points that you’ve never talked to him or anyone else about. That’s why this…
The Good Man vs. The Real Man
If you were asked what it means to be a good man, what would you say? What if you were asked what it means to be a real man? The contradictions between the answers to those two questions drive much…
The Examined Life: Man Rules Deep Dive with Rick Belden
Socrates is believed to have said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Most days, we navel-gazers over here examining our lives to death are inclined to agree. But, some days, we have to admit that the examined life, even in…
What Men Would Tell You… About What They’re Thinking
Dr. Allen Berger is back to help Dan introduce an exciting new monthly project for The Man Rules podcast! Dan and Allen are working on a book called What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV….
All the Rage: How Men Can Transform Anger
There’s a lot of talk about anger and rage in the media these days. According to many, we live in an “outrage culture” and male anger is the cause of much domestic assault and gun violence. We’re also often reminded…
Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the…
It’s the First Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast!
When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid,…
Breaking the Ruhls (and The Rules)
The Man Rules do not prepare men to navigate the rocky emotional terrain of their day-to-day lives. So, what happens when childhood sexual abuse and emotional abuse make that terrain much, much rockier than average? In most cases, it leads…
Turn Your Fears Into Actions – Episode 59
Jess Pettitt is, among other things, a diversity educator. Did you just roll your eyes at that? Did you shudder at the memory of a terrible corporate diversity training you we forced to attend in the past? Did you recall…
How to Reconnect After a Fight
Any relationship worth its salt—whether it’s with a partner, spouse, co-worker, friend, or child—is well-seasoned with conflict. “We never fight” is really just code for “We are never honest with one another.” So, don’t measure your success in a relationship…
Truth and Consequences – Episode 55
The truth—as both Dan and his guest Dr. Michael Levittan see it—is that the ways we raise boys and girls to relate to one another is dysfunctional at best, personally damaging and emotionally debilitating at worst. The consequences of this…
Can You Change the Past? – Episode 54
What kind of man do you want to be? And, what’s keeping you from being that man? Chances are, one of the things getting in that way is unresolved pain from the past. “Ah, horse shit!” you say. “I can’t…
When Your Dream Is Not Your Dream – Episode 53
As men, we often define ourselves by degrees of career success. It’s not enough to produce good work–you have to produce the best work. It’s not enough to provide a modest, but comfortable living for yourself and/or your family–you have to provide…
Tune Out to Tune In – Episode 52
Visit the children’s clothing aisles in your favorite department store, and you’ll quickly see how deeply obsessed we are with gender dichotomies. You can be either masculine or feminine, dolls or trucks, pink or blue. You can either be tough…
What’s Left When It All Falls Away – Episode 51
For Jason MacKenzie, everything was going as planned. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, two kids, a nice house, and a nice car. So, how did he one day find himself, widowed, and drinking until he passed out…
Episode 44: Your Presence is a Present
Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG. Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most…
Episode 40: The Polarity Express
In this episode, speaker and teacher John Wineland defines masculine and feminine polarity (think magnetic fields) and their differing energies and strengths as they relate to intimacy and sex. John talks about how personal awareness of those different energies, which he labels as feminine…
Episode 39: Rollin’ with No Homies
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley When’s the last time you talked to another man about something that was going on in your life…
Episode 38: Beyond Boobs, Babes, and Bloodsports with Connor Beaton
ManTalks founder Connor Beaton has gone from construction worker to opera singer to guy who lived in his car. Like many of us, he made some bad choices and ruined multiple friendships and relationships. When his despair finally reached a…
Episode 37: NOT As Seen On TV! Andrew Smiler on how TV Shapes the ‘Average Man’
If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you’d likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You’d closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Don’t F&#k It Up! (Episode 36)
“Fathers be good to your daughters; daughters will love like you do.” John Mayer‘s song “Daughters” — while only slightly less cheesy than “Your Body Is A Wonderland” — hits upon a very real pressure that fathers of daughters around the…
Episode 36: Don’t F&#k It Up! Dan & The Deep Dive Guys Share Advice For Dads With Daughters
Girls who grow up with fathers who are angry, dismissive, and/or emotionally absent will grow up to be women who take a lot of shit from men. (Generally speaking, of course.) This well-evidenced assumption can be a source of tremendous…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Uncomfortably Numb – Rick Belden On Grief & Loss (Episode 35)
“The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.” So many men could relate to that Pink Floyd lyric. Leading what Thoreau called “lives of quiet desperation,” so many of us stuff down our negative feelings day…
Episode 35: Uncomfortably Numb — Poet Rick Belden On Grief & Loss
When you were a young boy, you were probably very comfortable expressing grief over your losses. When the wheel fell off your favorite choo-choo train, you cried. When you lost your beloved binkie, you cried. If you had a pet…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Sex Is A Crisis & An Opportunity (Episode 34)
Tinder. Sexting. YouPorn. Oh my! Despite all the ways that sex continues to pervade our culture, research shows that the younger generations are having less actual, in-person sex than you might think. And those having sex might still feel like…