It’s not easy being a dad–at least not all the time. There were no manuals. No instruction. No classes. Not really. And so, as Dan says all the time, we do it imperfectly. We try to parent consciously, but we…
Fathers Failing Forward
Doing It, Consciously
When you have sex (or masturbate) do you have a goal in mind? Do you approach each sexual encounter with an unconscious strategy toward the endgame? (C’MON OF COURSE YOU DO.) Cam Fraser, a certified sexologist, Yoga teacher, and pioneer…
What Men Would Tell You…About Being Cool
Being “cool” is ultimately about fitting in. And, unfortunately, one of the requirements of fitting in for most men–whether their definition of “cool” leans more toward the Jock table or the Dungeons ‘n Dragons table–is pretending that you have no…
The Unspoken Legacy of Emotional Trauma
It was a true honor to have Claudia Black, a pioneer in the study of the impact alcoholism has on families, join us on The Man Rules podcast. Claudia has dedicated her life to looking at the impact of trauma…
What to Do When You’re Sick of It
Listeners of The Man Rules podcast tend to be types who, in one way or another, want to live better. They want to free themselves from the limitations placed on them by society’s rules for how men should behave. They…
Daddy Download: Awesome Dads Know Their Story
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
Waking Up: A Deep Dive with Chris Cole
In The Man Rules Deep Dive episodes, Dan talks to one man about his particular experiences coming to terms with some facet of his identity as a man. This month, our Deep Dive guest is Chris Cole, author, life coach,…
What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV
Everyone is interested in how men and women can get along these days. The model Allen and Dan offer is different. No more “we’re from different planets.” As our regular listeners know, Dan is working on a new book, What…
Daddy Download – What About Me?
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
A Tribute to Tim Clausen
Tim Clausen, author, jazz musician, and friend of The Man Rules podcast, passed away on July 29. Tim was on a mission to help men—especially gay men—find their voices, find peace, and find love in all of its many forms….
I Love You…Man
It’s rarely easy for any of us to say “I love you” for the first time. But, this can be especially true when one straight guy loves another straight guy. Of course, those times are changing. Especially thanks to your…
What Men Would Tell You… About Women
It’s been said that men are women are from totally different planets. All of the struggles they have in relating to one another are a result of the fact that they are just two totally different species, and the only…
Men After #MeToo
Change is hard. And, as men, we’re being asked to do a lot of it lately. The good news? We’re prepared for it. We’ve been preparing all of our lives for it. We just didn’t know. When we were growing…
Daddy Download – Don’t Get Mad, Get Glad
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
Need a Vacation From Your Vacation?
Everyone looks forward to summer vacation! That is, until it’s actually time to go. That’s when the expectations you’ve had for the perfect, blissful family getaway meet reality. Unless you’re traveling solo to a remote, private tropical island and have…
Not the Son He Expected: Deep Dive with Tim Clausen
The stories we tell about our Dads can shape the way we feel about ourselves and about the world. If your father was distant or critical, you may struggle with the idea that you’re not “man enough.” You may…
More Than a Moustache
The Movember Foundation is a multinational charity that aims to raise awareness of and money for men’s health. They address some of the biggest health issues faced by men: prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention. And…
Daddy Download: 3 Co-Parenting Tips for New Dads
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a smooth…
Good Grief, Dad
In this monthly What Men Would Tell You…If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV episode with Allen Berger, the two talk about Dads in honor of Father’s Month on the Man Rules Podcast. Specifically, the ways in which many men…
Dear Dad: Write a Letter to Transform Your Relationship With Your Father
You have issues with your Dad. Whether you have a great, not-so-great, contentious, or non-existent relationship with him, there are bound to be some pain points that you’ve never talked to him or anyone else about. That’s why this…
The Good Man vs. The Real Man
If you were asked what it means to be a good man, what would you say? What if you were asked what it means to be a real man? The contradictions between the answers to those two questions drive much…
The Examined Life: Man Rules Deep Dive with Rick Belden
Socrates is believed to have said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Most days, we navel-gazers over here examining our lives to death are inclined to agree. But, some days, we have to admit that the examined life, even in…
RecomMENded Reading – May
If you want to change old patterns of thought and behavior—like choosing more consciously how The Man Rules fit into your life—you’re going to need to broaden your perspective and gain some personal insight. There’s no better way to do…
What Men Would Tell You… About What They’re Thinking
Dr. Allen Berger is back to help Dan introduce an exciting new monthly project for The Man Rules podcast! Dan and Allen are working on a book called What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV….
All the Rage: How Men Can Transform Anger
There’s a lot of talk about anger and rage in the media these days. According to many, we live in an “outrage culture” and male anger is the cause of much domestic assault and gun violence. We’re also often reminded…
Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the…
How Podcasts Can Help Men Improve Their Relationships
Most relationship self-help books are roundly dismissed as being “for women.” And, some guys just aren’t all that into reading anyway—or so “they” say. (We wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that the books, products,…
It’s the First Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast!
When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid,…
RecomMENded Reading – April
If you want to change old patterns of thought and behavior—like choosing more consciously how The Man Rules fit into your life—you’re going to need to broaden your perspective and gain some personal insight. There’s no better way to do…
Breaking the Ruhls (and The Rules)
The Man Rules do not prepare men to navigate the rocky emotional terrain of their day-to-day lives. So, what happens when childhood sexual abuse and emotional abuse make that terrain much, much rockier than average? In most cases, it leads…
Consciousness Raising: April 2018
The first phase in bringing about positive change is raising awareness. (In other words, the first step is recognizing and admitting that there is a problem.) So, this month, and every month, we’re bringing your awareness to articles, studies, and…
Turn Your Fears Into Actions – Episode 59
Jess Pettitt is, among other things, a diversity educator. Did you just roll your eyes at that? Did you shudder at the memory of a terrible corporate diversity training you we forced to attend in the past? Did you recall…
Three TED Talks That Are Changing The Meaning of “Man Up”
Are we finally seeing a shift in our culture for men? These three amazing TED talks for men make me think that the answer is a resounding “yes.” We still have a long way to go, but as long as…
How to Reconnect After a Fight
Any relationship worth its salt—whether it’s with a partner, spouse, co-worker, friend, or child—is well-seasoned with conflict. “We never fight” is really just code for “We are never honest with one another.” So, don’t measure your success in a relationship…
Truth and Consequences – Episode 55
The truth—as both Dan and his guest Dr. Michael Levittan see it—is that the ways we raise boys and girls to relate to one another is dysfunctional at best, personally damaging and emotionally debilitating at worst. The consequences of this…
Can You Change the Past? – Episode 54
What kind of man do you want to be? And, what’s keeping you from being that man? Chances are, one of the things getting in that way is unresolved pain from the past. “Ah, horse shit!” you say. “I can’t…
When Your Dream Is Not Your Dream – Episode 53
As men, we often define ourselves by degrees of career success. It’s not enough to produce good work–you have to produce the best work. It’s not enough to provide a modest, but comfortable living for yourself and/or your family–you have to provide…
Tune Out to Tune In – Episode 52
Visit the children’s clothing aisles in your favorite department store, and you’ll quickly see how deeply obsessed we are with gender dichotomies. You can be either masculine or feminine, dolls or trucks, pink or blue. You can either be tough…
What’s Left When It All Falls Away – Episode 51
For Jason MacKenzie, everything was going as planned. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, two kids, a nice house, and a nice car. So, how did he one day find himself, widowed, and drinking until he passed out…
Beyond the Binary – Episode 50
Why are we afraid of giving “girl toys” to little boys? Why don’t we have those same fears about giving little girls “boy toys?” Delene van Dyke, a sexuality and gender diversity educator from South Africa, explains how all of…
The Deep Dive Guys Do It Differently – Episode 49
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive Guys (Tim Walsh, Michael Dinneen, and Dan) talk about the ways in which they felt “different” as kids, the consequences, both internal and external, that they experienced for breaking…
Eager to Please – Episode 48
If you’re confused about what women want sexually, it may be because many of them are confused themselves, though through no fault of their own. Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality,…
Episode 46: One Step Back, Two Steps Forward
Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their…
Episode 45: Go Coach Yourself!
Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like…
Episode 44: Your Presence is a Present
Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG. Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most…
Episode 43: Dueling with Dualities
“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.” – Richard Rohr Let’s think about the typical life cycle…
Bonus Episode: But I’m Not Sexist
Roy Moore. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. These are “bad guys,” right? They represent the extreme end of the sexual misconduct spectrum. Most men can easily say they don’t identify with any of these guys. They have never done the things…
Episode 42: Men Overboard, Cheryl Sharp on Navigating the #MeToo Sea Change
Cheryl Sharp is an expert on trauma and resilience and a lifelong sailor. So, she knows a thing or two about dealing with rough waters, literally and figuratively. In this episode, she and Dan talk about the stunning cultural tsunami…
Mutual Respect & The Power of Intimacy
Power is a very interesting phenomenon. I remember having numerous conversations about the complex intersection of power and relationships in graduate school. There was a lot of confusion as to what exactly power even is. One of the most common…
International Women’s Day – A Long Way to Go
Today is a day to celebrate the women of the world! I am a son, a son-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, a husband/partner, uncle, friend and father to a precious little girl. So I want to celebrate the women of MY life.
Things Fall Apart: A Man’s Way Workshop – Part 2
There is a perennial truth about vulnerability. True vulnerability. As silly or obvious as it may sound, it never stops feeling vulnerable. You can’t really fake it – not with yourself because when you are vulnerable you feel it.
A Man’s Way Workshop
When I went to school to learn how to work with people with addictive disorders I got a lot of great guidance—Brain science. Family systems. Motivational Interviewing. Models of Change. Working with the criminal justice population. Working with women. Cultural…
Love is Boring
Here is what I have concluded after thirteen years of marriage: Love is boring.
I Don’t Want to Write a Blog!
Apparently the title of this blog is true. I can’t even remember the last time I wrote a blog. In fact, after deciding with a friend (and fellow blogger) to write my blog it has taken me over a week…
The Man Rules & The Water
Has it ever felt to you like you were following some set of unwritten rules on how to be a man? Men can do this but can’t do that. These are the Man Rules I refer to throughout my new book, A Man’s Way…
The Hidden Reality of Men’s Trauma
I have been writing a four-part series of blogs for Addiction Professional Magazine focusing on male trauma. I am pleased to share it with you. Below is an excerpt of the first article as well as the link for the…
Shame and Vulnerability
It seems that the longer I am on this journey toward my authentic self and being the best man I can be the more in touch I become with the degree to which shame has informed my identity and the…
No Man is an Island
Over and over again in my recovery meetings I hear men talk about how much they do not like asking for help. We keep waiting for the time when we can handle all of it on our own. We would…
7 Rules for Men on Vacation
I’m actually on vacation right now. As I write this. I have been paying attention to each and every one of these Rules for the past four days. Overall, I would give myself a B+. The truth is that we…
Staying in Healthy Relationships
A running joke in our training’s is that the issue for men is not whether or not we can get into relationships. Men have no problem getting into a relationship! The real challenge is staying in relationships. And given everything…
Father’s Day 2015 Part II: From a Son
I hated my father for a very long time. Of course, when we are honest with ourselves most of our hate comes out of deep hurt. And that is exactly what it was for me: I felt deeply hurt that…
Father’s Day 2015 Part I: From a Father
I love being a father. It is truly one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am only six years into this journey and I have grown and changed so much as a result of my beautiful daughter, Grace,…
Manly Feelings
One of the great Man Rules™ is: Don’t feel. Of course, it is actually men aren’t allowed to feel anything other than anger. It is not manly to express the “softer” feelings. We learn it very early and often brutally and that…
Do You Know the Story of Your Life is the Greatest Story Ever Told
We all have our stories. Every man has his story of how he has become the man he is today. Yet, we do not always put a lot of time into knowing our story – or sharing it with others. …
Men, Relationships, and Trauma
The role of trauma in men’s relationships is interesting – to say the least. What is so difficult about it is how hidden it can be. I have learned a lot about trauma in the past decade. Before then, despite…
Learning to Love and Be Loved
The most important word in the title of my book, A Man’s Way through Relationships: Learning to Love and Be Loved is learning. This means it is a process. I think it is a never-ending process. I did not write the book…
A Man’s Way through Relationships
Check out the New Book! A Man’s Way Through Relationships: Learning to Love and Be Loved Author: Dan Griffin, MA An essential guide to the challenges men face in creating healthy and engaged in relationship in all areas of their…
Creating Healthy Relationships
For the longest time of my early recovery I wanted someone to love. I do not mean just to have sex with. My heart longed for connection. And I never thought I would find it. Once I started actually dating…