Welp. Here we are. The final episode of The Man Rules podcast. Dan and Andrea (the show’s producer) take the opportunity to reminisce, reflect, and ruminate on what might be next… Sometimes, abundance comes from letting go. You’ve gotta make…
That’s All Folks.
What Men Would Tell You… About Having All The Answers
There’s no tenure for manhood. The false promise of The Man Rules is that if you follow them closely enough, for long enough, you will soon rest easy in your identity as a man. But, the truth is, a man’s…
Childhood Heroes and Personal Mythologies
All stories we relate to are based either on our wishes or on our fears. Sometimes–or maybe even often–both. That’s what makes this week’s episode with friend of the show Rick Belden such a powerful one. Rick leads Dan through…
Coping with Changing Gender Expectations
This week, friend of the show Dr. Michael Levittan is back to help us sort through the many changes in our expectations of men and women over the years, and how psychology and psychotherapy have played a role in helping…
All Good Things Must Come to An End
After more than two years of operation, we have made the difficult decision to end production of The Man Rules podcast. So, this week Dan’s solo episode–his last solo episode–is about what it means to embrace change. One thing we…
How to Stay Sober AF
Early sobriety can be lonely. Many people recovering from alcohol and other substance use disorders find that they have to change their entire social structure. And, that’s not something that happens overnight. It takes time to develop an entirely new…
What Men Would Tell You… About Winning
“If you’re not first, you’re last.” That’s the mantra of Ricky Bobby, a champion NASCAR driver (played by Will Ferrell) in the cinematic masterpiece, Talledega Nights. The great thing about that quote, and about the movie, is that it gently…
Leggo my Ego
Dr. Lou Cox has studied the ego for decades. He joins Dan to talk about his work and his new book, Ego: The Ghost in Your Machinery. Specifically, he and Dan talk about the male ego and how men…
Support the Podcast
This week, Dan’s back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.) Would…
Help! We Need Somebody…
I love doing The Man Rules podcast! I have learned and grown so much as a result. We’ve been producing episodes of The Man Rules podcast every week for almost 2.5 years now. It’s been an honor to provide this…
What is Love?
Is love a feeling or an action? Is it a choice we make, or is the result of a magical bond with another person that is impossible to explain? Do you decide to be a loving person, or are you…
What Men Would Tell You…About Sex
“If it’s true that men want sex 24/7, what does it mean if he won’t have sex with me?” “Why won’t he engage in foreplay before sex or cuddling after? There’s no affection or intimacy.” “Why is sex only about…
Doing The Work with Byron Katie
Look around your local gym long enough, and you’re likely to see the phrase “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional,” emblazoned on a bumper sticker, a T-shirt, or a bicep in the form of a tattoo. It’s one thing to…
Let’s Talk About Sex
Our culture is weird about sex. We’re surrounded by allusions to it constantly–in our advertisements, TV shows, movies, music, websites–but it’s rare for any of those mediums to address it in a way that isn’t salacious or jokey. It’s rare…
A Deep Dive with a Stay-at-Home Dad
Men’s experiences as fathers are more varied than popular culture would have you believe. Although the doors are beginning to open a little wider for men who want to take on duties that were traditionally only part of Mom’s domain,…
What Men Would Tell You… About Their Fathers
When we become fathers, so many of our choices are reactions to how our fathers raised us. We often either fall in line with his expectations, or rebel against them. Either way, we aren’t really making our own choices, based…
Gay Men and Their Fathers
In honor of both Father’s Month and Pride Month, we’re replaying this episode from 2018, featuring the late Tim Clausen. Tim interviewed more than 80 men for his book Not the Son He Expected: Gay Men Talk Candidly About Their…
Fathers Failing Forward
It’s not easy being a dad–at least not all the time. There were no manuals. No instruction. No classes. Not really. And so, as Dan says all the time, we do it imperfectly. We try to parent consciously, but we…
Doing It, Consciously
When you have sex (or masturbate) do you have a goal in mind? Do you approach each sexual encounter with an unconscious strategy toward the endgame? (C’MON OF COURSE YOU DO.) Cam Fraser, a certified sexologist, Yoga teacher, and pioneer…
What Men Would Tell You…About Being Cool
Being “cool” is ultimately about fitting in. And, unfortunately, one of the requirements of fitting in for most men–whether their definition of “cool” leans more toward the Jock table or the Dungeons ‘n Dragons table–is pretending that you have no…
The Unspoken Legacy of Emotional Trauma
It was a true honor to have Claudia Black, a pioneer in the study of the impact alcoholism has on families, join us on The Man Rules podcast. Claudia has dedicated her life to looking at the impact of trauma…
What to Do When You’re Sick of It
Listeners of The Man Rules podcast tend to be types who, in one way or another, want to live better. They want to free themselves from the limitations placed on them by society’s rules for how men should behave. They…
Daddy Download: Awesome Dads Know Their Story
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
What is Sex For?
What is sex for? Have you ever asked yourself that question? You may think, “procreation, of course” but that doesn’t explain why people who don’t want kids have sex. If you say, “fun and pleasure,” that doesn’t explain why, for…
What Men Would Tell You… About Fighting
As a kid, you probably wanted to be cool. And if you were a boy, being cool meant being tough. Being tough meant being able to fight and win. If you weren’t tough, you immediately felt inadequate. You weren’t…
Money Matters: Talking Finance with Marty McAlpin
Money. Everybody wants it; nobody wants to talk about it. Except Dan, of course, and his friend and financial advisor Marty McAlpin. In this episode, they give an overview of various money disorders and help us increase our financial vocabulary….
Why Men Fight
If you’re a man, chances are, at some point when you were a boy, a man in your family made a conscious effort to teach you how to properly throw a punch. That was a skill you would need as…
Daddy Download: The New Rules for Dads
The rules have changed for being a Dad. There’s a lot of pressure these days for men to be more emotionally involved in parenting than their Dads were. But without role models, guidance and support for making these radical changes,…
Men and Mortality
One of the most frequently mentioned Man Rules is “don’t be weak.” As a result, many men end up feeling ashamed when they become ill or injured. “Don’t be weak” may also be at the heart of a man’s resistance…
What Men Would Tell You… About Being a Protector
Once a month, Dan and Dr. Allen Berger sit down to talk about a chapter from their forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You…If We Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV. The title of the book is meant to be humorous,…
Keep It Clean
Once Tidying up with Marie Kondo hit Netflix this past January, it seemed like everyone was suddenly talking about the real impact of household upkeep on our minds, bodies, and spirits. Of course, conversations about the division of household labor…
How’s The Water?
All too often men are tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle we face, we’re often given some version of the same, age-old advice: “Man Up.” (What the hell does that even mean? Especially…
Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the…
Not as Seen on TV
This episode is a replay of one we first posted in back in 2017. Gillette’s recent “Toxic Masculinity” ad recently brought ideas about the ways in which men are portrayed in popular media to the mainstream. Dr. Andrew Smiler has…
Get it Together, Man
As we near the end of January, we often also near the end or our resolve to finally get our shit together this year. We made our resolutions because we know that the feeling of being perpetually disorganized and out…
Keeping it 100
Is “keeping it 100” a thing people still say these days? Many eons ago, back in 2015, it meant “to be you, be honest, be true to yourself and the people you love, be unapologetic but respectful at the same…
Making Habits Last
For many of us, vowing to change our habits at the beginning of a New Year has become, well… a habit. Unfortunately, all of the hope and good intentions we have on December 31st, rarely sustains us past the second…
Santa Gets Real
We all have a story about what it means to be a man. What we aim to do on The Man Rules podcast is to help each other figure out how we can be the authors of our stories. We…
12 Stupid Things You Can Do to Mess Up The Holidays
Okay, you’ve requested your time off from the boss, booked the plane tickets, sent the cards, bought the presents, and baked the cookies –or completed any number of your traditional holiday tasks. So, you may think that you’re ready for…
Get What You Expect
In this episode, Dan is finally going to tell you the secret to always getting what you want, when you want it. And the secret is… Let go of the idea that you should always get what you want when…
How to Have a Happy Holiday—Yes, Really.
The holidays truly are magical. They have the power to magically transform fully functioning adults back into their adolescent selves, the moment they step into a room with their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and/or cousins. No matter how much you’ve…
What Men Would Tell You…About Vulnerability
There are two ways we tend to think about vulnerability these days. The first is in terms of our technology. When websites like Facebook experience a data breach, we are reminded that our personal information is “vulnerable” to hackers. (That’s…
Transformers
If you think about it, nearly every story we pay attention to is one about transformation. The main character in your favorite movie likely starts out in one state, something happens, and they end up in a different state by…
Daddy Download: Because I Said So
To parent is to spend most days in a state of barely-concealed, barely-contained insecurity, if not outright terror! Our little loves trigger not only our fears for them–will they be happy, successful, productive members of society?–but also our deepest fears…
How to Get Over Yourself
In our monthly Deep Dive episode, Dan talks in depth with one man about how The Man Rules have impacted his life, and how he has worked toward a more conscious masculinity. This week Michael Dinneen manages to say a…
Scheduled Maintenance For Your Soul
This post is being brought to you from the great city of Indianapolis, where Producer Andrea lives. For those who are unfamiliar, the Indy 500 is a race where odd looking vehicles with really big tires whip around a circular…
What Men Would Tell You… About Control
Aziz Acharki What do people mean when they say that “it’s a man’s world?” They mean, in most cases, that men possess most of the power and control in our society. But, what does that mean? Most men balk at…
Daddy Download – Will We Ever Have Sex Again?
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
Juvenile Justice
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan and Andrea struggle along with the rest of American through a conversation about Brett Kavanaugh, gender-based privilege, and the politicization of victimhood. All of those are fancy words for some real…
A Damn Good Man – A Tribute to Tony Marquez
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
What Men Would Tell You… About Crying
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lion
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
The Bullet & The Butterfly Wings
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
Waking Up: A Deep Dive with Chris Cole
In The Man Rules Deep Dive episodes, Dan talks to one man about his particular experiences coming to terms with some facet of his identity as a man. This month, our Deep Dive guest is Chris Cole, author, life coach,…
What Men Would Tell You… If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV
Everyone is interested in how men and women can get along these days. The model Allen and Dan offer is different. No more “we’re from different planets.” As our regular listeners know, Dan is working on a new book, What…
Daddy Download – What About Me?
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
A Tribute to Tim Clausen
Tim Clausen, author, jazz musician, and friend of The Man Rules podcast, passed away on July 29. Tim was on a mission to help men—especially gay men—find their voices, find peace, and find love in all of its many forms….
I Love You…Man
It’s rarely easy for any of us to say “I love you” for the first time. But, this can be especially true when one straight guy loves another straight guy. Of course, those times are changing. Especially thanks to your…
What Men Would Tell You… About Women
It’s been said that men are women are from totally different planets. All of the struggles they have in relating to one another are a result of the fact that they are just two totally different species, and the only…
RecomMENded Reading – May
If you want to change old patterns of thought and behavior—like choosing more consciously how The Man Rules fit into your life—you’re going to need to broaden your perspective and gain some personal insight. There’s no better way to do…
It’s the First Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast!
When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid,…
What’s Left When It All Falls Away – Episode 51
For Jason MacKenzie, everything was going as planned. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, two kids, a nice house, and a nice car. So, how did he one day find himself, widowed, and drinking until he passed out…
Episode 45: Go Coach Yourself!
Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like…
Episode 43: Dueling with Dualities
“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.” – Richard Rohr Let’s think about the typical life cycle…
Episode 42: Men Overboard, Cheryl Sharp on Navigating the #MeToo Sea Change
Cheryl Sharp is an expert on trauma and resilience and a lifelong sailor. So, she knows a thing or two about dealing with rough waters, literally and figuratively. In this episode, she and Dan talk about the stunning cultural tsunami…
Episode 40: The Polarity Express
In this episode, speaker and teacher John Wineland defines masculine and feminine polarity (think magnetic fields) and their differing energies and strengths as they relate to intimacy and sex. John talks about how personal awareness of those different energies, which he labels as feminine…
Episode 38: Beyond Boobs, Babes, and Bloodsports with Connor Beaton
ManTalks founder Connor Beaton has gone from construction worker to opera singer to guy who lived in his car. Like many of us, he made some bad choices and ruined multiple friendships and relationships. When his despair finally reached a…
Episode 25: I Learned It By Watching You – Dan on the Realities of Addiction & Recovery
Reality can be a real buzzkill. While it’s true that most people can drink alcohol, use prescription pain killers, and even experiment with recreational drugs without becoming addicted, it’s also true that one in seven people in the United States…
Episode 14: When His Best Was Not Enough — The Father Wound, with Rick Belden
Your father did the best he could. But, what if his best wasn’t good enough? What if his best still left you ashamed, angry, and grieving, years and years after you stopped living under his roof? What if he was…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be (Episode 13)
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, I sat down with author Jeremy Smith for fatherhood tips in an exploration of how dads can make fatherhood an intentional choice — and not just something that happens to them. Modern fatherhood truly can…
Episode 13: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be, with Guest Jeremy Smith
Our grandfathers knew exactly what was expected of them in their roles as fathers: go to work, put food on the table, step in and provide discipline when the kids are especially unruly. But, today, the expectations for dads are…
Promise #8: Self Seeking will Slip Away
I have come to appreciate the depth of this particularly Promise. A picture that I love shows two scenes: one of Heaven and one of Hell. In Hell, everyone is seated at a table with grossly elongated spoons that they…
International Women’s Day – A Long Way to Go
Today is a day to celebrate the women of the world! I am a son, a son-in-law, brother, brother-in-law, a husband/partner, uncle, friend and father to a precious little girl. So I want to celebrate the women of MY life.
Promise #7: We Will Lose Interest in Selfish Things
Are men naturally self-centered? Sure. Are women? Yes, though they may express it differently. What does it even mean to be self-centered? Mostly, it seems to mean that we are human.
Things Fall Apart: A Man’s Way Workshop – Part 2
There is a perennial truth about vulnerability. True vulnerability. As silly or obvious as it may sound, it never stops feeling vulnerable. You can’t really fake it – not with yourself because when you are vulnerable you feel it.
A Man’s Way Workshop
When I went to school to learn how to work with people with addictive disorders I got a lot of great guidance—Brain science. Family systems. Motivational Interviewing. Models of Change. Working with the criminal justice population. Working with women. Cultural…
Love is Boring
Here is what I have concluded after thirteen years of marriage: Love is boring.
The Man Rules & The Water
Has it ever felt to you like you were following some set of unwritten rules on how to be a man? Men can do this but can’t do that. These are the Man Rules I refer to throughout my new book, A Man’s Way…
Promise #7: We will lose interest in selfish things
Are men naturally self-centered? Sure. Are women? Yes, though they may express it differently. What does it even mean to be self-centered? Mostly, it seems to mean that we are human.
The Hidden Reality of Men’s Trauma
I have been writing a four-part series of blogs for Addiction Professional Magazine focusing on male trauma. I am pleased to share it with you. Below is an excerpt of the first article as well as the link for the…
It’s A Wonderful Life
I can’t go a year without watching It’s A Wonderful Life. Just the right touch of darkness with a powerful and indistinguishable glowing light to always carry us through. In many ways it is the perfect recovery movie. My heart goes out…
Promise #5: We Will See How Our Experience Can Benefit Others
The hallmark of Twelve-Step recovery is sharing our experience, strength, and hope. This, of course, implies that you have something worth sharing. Regardless of how I acted and how much people complimented me on my talent and skills, I often…
Shame and Vulnerability
It seems that the longer I am on this journey toward my authentic self and being the best man I can be the more in touch I become with the degree to which shame has informed my identity and the…
Promise #4: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
Dear Reader – In the past months I have been busy working on two my latest books and as a result I neglected to keep up with my blog. Thanks for your interest and for reading! I was seven years…
Promise #3: We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it
What man does not want to make peace with his past? How many of us enter recovery with a deep feeling of shame for how we have lived? How many of us are confused about what we have done and…
No Man is an Island
Over and over again in my recovery meetings I hear men talk about how much they do not like asking for help. We keep waiting for the time when we can handle all of it on our own. We would…