Podcast Archives - Dan Griffin https://dangriffin.com/tag/podcast/ A Man's Way - Helping Men Be Better Men Tue, 03 Sep 2019 20:52:10 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 Support the Podcast https://dangriffin.com/support-the-podcast/ Tue, 03 Sep 2019 20:52:10 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=8294 This week, Dan’s back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.) Would...

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This week, Dan’s back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.)

Would you be willing to offer a small monthly donation to keep the podcast running? (Say, around $5 or $10 a month?) If so, send an email to [email protected] and let us know you’re interested. If enough folks say “yes” we’ll go through the process of setting up an official donation channel…

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Why Men Fight https://dangriffin.com/why-men-fight/ Tue, 02 Apr 2019 20:40:54 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=8156 If you’re a man, chances are, at some point when you were a boy, a man in your family made a conscious effort to teach you how to properly throw a punch. That was a skill you would need as...

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dan griffin, the man rules podcast, why men fight

If you’re a man, chances are, at some point when you were a boy, a man in your family made a conscious effort to teach you how to properly throw a punch. That was a skill you would need as you grew into manhood and it was just an unquestionable fact. Boys fight. Men fight. The manliest men fight well enough to win.

Dan talks today about The Man Rule that tells men they must fight–for survival, for respect, and sometimes just for the hell of it–and how that affects their self-perception and their relationships. What does it mean for men to be raised in a way that both implicitly and explicitly tells them that violence and asserting dominance is the “right” way for a man to solve a conflict?

And, in what ways can the desire to fight actually be a positive thing?

Listen to Dan’s thoughts, and then let us know what you think in the comments below. (Or, on Facebook.)

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Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression https://dangriffin.com/depression-terry-real/ Mon, 18 Feb 2019 11:51:05 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=8129 Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the...

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Dan Griffin talks to Terry Real about men and depression on The Man Rules podcast.

Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the agenda or that the agenda is failing them.  The Man Rules may be limiting in many, many ways, but for a while, they at least provided solid ground for men to stand on. Lately, that ground has begun to crumble beneath their feet.

Men today are awash in intense conflicting messages about what it means to be a man. And, they are finding that the things that they once took for granted as the rewards for following The Man Rules–the right job, financial security, sex, marriage, family–are not as easily guaranteed as they’d been taught.

This episode will help you understand how depression shows up differently in men and will give you some practical advice on how to recognize and address the symptoms in yourself and others. While it’s true that these changes will likely lead to more opportunities for both men and women in the future, it’s important to make sure that we don’t lose too many men in the shuffle.

 

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Keeping it 100 https://dangriffin.com/keeping-it-100/ Mon, 14 Jan 2019 22:10:10 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=8083 Is “keeping it 100” a thing people still say these days? Many eons ago, back in 2015, it meant “to be you, be honest, be true to yourself and the people you love, be unapologetic but respectful at the same...

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https://www.flickr.com/photos/bowbrick/8010604952/

“99” by Steve Bowbrick is licensed under CC by 2.0

Is “keeping it 100” a thing people still say these days? Many eons ago, back in 2015, it meant “to be you, be honest, be true to yourself and the people you love, be unapologetic but respectful at the same time.” In other words, it has pretty much been the goal of The Man Rules podcast from the beginning. We wanted to create a space, figuratively speaking, where men could show up and have open and honest conversations about who they were and who they were becoming as they began to become more aware of The Man Rules and break free from them.

So, here on the eve of the 100th episode, Dan and Andrea talk about what they’ve learned from the first two years of making The Man Rules podcast, and what they hope the show may become.

Please email us at [email protected], and let us know where you think the show should go in 2019 and beyond. We’d love to hear your ideas on guests, topics, and/or just your general opinions about the ideas expressed in each episode. You can also find us on Twitter and Facebook, of course.

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How Podcasts Can Help Men Improve Their Relationships https://dangriffin.com/podcasts-men-relationships/ Wed, 02 May 2018 20:56:40 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7353 Most relationship self-help books are roundly dismissed as being “for women.” And, some guys just aren’t all that into reading anyway—or so “they” say. (We wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that the books, products,...

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Podcast episodes for men who need help with relationships

Most relationship self-help books are roundly dismissed as being “for women.” And, some guys just aren’t all that into reading anyway—or so “they” say. (We wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that the books, products, and services are simply not marketed to men.)

Dan always talks about how, in the 21st century, growth in the expectation that men show up with vulnerability and intimacy has been exponential, while guidance to help them learn how to do that has been minimal. And, most of what is available is critical of men or reinforces more traditional and outdated ideas of masculinity.

For men looking to make some crucial changes in their lives and improve their relationships, it may be difficult to find resources that appeal to them and fit their lifestyles. What can they do to help broaden their perspectives and gain more personal insight?

How about podcasts?

One of the reasons we created The Man Rules podcast was to give men resources that can meet them where they are. Podcasts can be a great gateway for men who aren’t yet used to the idea of taking time out every day for self-reflection. They can listen in the car to and from work, or while they’re tooling around in the garage, cooking dinner, or working out.

Most importantly, they can learn from other men who have been where they are, and easy to relate to as they share their own ongoing struggles to live more consciously.

The Man Rules Podcast on Relationships

One frequent assumption our society makes about men is that they don’t care about relationships. However, it’s often trouble with a primary relationship— spouse, partner, or ex — that often first motivates men to look for help. Here are four podcast episodes from The Man Rules podcast archive that give men some practical tips on common relationship stumbling blocks:

How He Can Reconnect After an Argument

In this episode, Dan explains how men can get comfortable with vulnerability in spite of The Man Rules’ insistence that they never feel nor show vulnerability. And, he shares some great tips on how men can improve their communication skills, and create emotional safety in relationships for themselves and their loved ones.

When He’s Cheated or Wants to Cheat

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan talks to Rob Weiss, and therapist and sexologist, about why men cheat, how they can regroup and reconnect with their partners when they feel the urge to cheat, and how they can truly heal their relationships with their partners if they have cheated. They also touch on some of the pros and cons of porn, the ins and outs of internet dating, and the struggles many men have today with expressing their masculinity and sexuality in healthy ways.

When People Walk All Over Him


Dan talks to psychologist Ross Rosenberg about what he calls “self-love deficiency disorder.” Men struggling with it tend to be attracted to narcissists like moths to flame. They stay in relationships with narcissists, no matter how poorly they’re treated, because of an inability to recognize their own inherent worthiness. They feel, subconsciously, that they have to constantly prove that they are worthy of love by sacrificing their own needs and desires for the love of someone else.  

When His Ideas About The Man Rules and Sex Get in the Way of True Intimacy


In this recording of a talk given at The Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, Dan offers his humorous and insightful take on the ways in which one of the cardinal Man Rules (i.e. have as much sex as possible, as often as possible, with as many women as possible) is enforced in our society, and the ways in which it hinders men’s relationships and their mental health. He also shares the surprising ways in which shame and fear lead men to constantly— and unconsciously — seek emotional safety through sex.

Online Relationship Course for Men

Dan has designed a FREE four-session online course that will help men understand why they struggle in relationships and give them an “exercise plan” to work on between sessions.

Men will learn:

  • How their ideas about what it means to be a man block them from having the relationships they truly want
  • How to take an honest inventory of their relationships
  • Specific exercises to help them understand what keeps certain relationships from working
  • And, most importantly, specific steps they can take to make improvements in their most important relationships!

Sign-up at A-MANS-WAY.TEACHABLE.COM

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It’s the First Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast! https://dangriffin.com/first-anniversary-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 30 Apr 2018 23:26:54 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7349 When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid,...

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Host Dan Griffin talks about the first anniversary of The Man Rules podcast

When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid, how to make a ton of money, how to get ripped” kind of thing you tend to see in most media that’s geared toward men. We also wanted to help to continue and expand the conversation around gender inequality, by highlighting the many ways that men suffer from strictly-enforced gender roles in ways that we often don’t recognize. But, we didn’t know what the daily ins and outs of making a podcast would be…

One year later, we still sometimes feel like we don’t know what we’re doing from a day-to-day operations standpoint. And we wonder if we’ve been successful at all with the overall mission. (We’d love to hear your thoughts on what kind of impact we have or have not had!) There have been times in the past year when we wondered if anyone was actually listening. We wondered if we had started podcasting at the wrong time—a time when podcasting has exploded, and there are tons of wonderful, fascinating, slickly-produced, and well-funded shows out there with big names and big personalities attached. “How can we compete with all of that?” we thought. “Should we even bother?”

But, in the end, we decided that there really aren’t many shows like ours. People are having great conversations on podcasts everywhere, but they aren’t having the kind of conversations that we’re having. In this episode, Dan reflects on some of those conversations, and talks about what he’s learned from the show—how it’s helped him recognize some not-so-healthy patterns in his own life and uncover some blind spots that he had around gender equality, even as a person who has spent years learning and speaking about it. He also looks ahead to the next year and talks about changes and improvements we’re making to the show.

So, we soldier on. And we hope that our little labor of love helps at least one man out there feel less trapped, less confused, less afraid, and less alone. We think it’s the best way—maybe even the only way—to bring about more justice and peace for men, women, and people beyond the binary.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Practical and Tactical

  1. Listen to more episodes of this podcast.
  2. Have a conversation with somebody in your life about the podcast you listen to, share with them what you’re getting out of it, and invite them to listen to it.
  3. Listen to more episodes of the podcast and review them on iTunes, Stitcher, or other platforms where you listen.

About Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity.Dan’s work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. Dan’s book, A Man’s Way through Relationships, is the first book written specifically to help men create healthy relationships while navigating the challenges of the “Man Rules™,” those ideas men internalize at very young ages about how to be real boys and men.

Dan’s professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. He is also the author of A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps, the first trauma-informed book to take a holistic look at men’s sobriety. He co-authored Helping Men Recover, the first comprehensive gender-responsive and trauma-informed curriculum for addiction and mental health professionals. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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The Deep Dive Guys Do It Differently – Episode 49 https://dangriffin.com/deep-dive-guys-parents-gender-stereotypes/ Mon, 05 Feb 2018 17:18:25 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7182 In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive Guys (Tim Walsh, Michael Dinneen, and Dan) talk about the ways in which they felt “different” as kids, the consequences, both internal and external, that they experienced for breaking...

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Dan Griffin talks with Tim Walsh and Michael Dineen (a.k.a The Deep Dives Guys) on what it means to be "different" in the face of gender stereotypes on The Man Rules podcast.

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive Guys (Tim Walsh, Michael Dinneen, and Dan) talk about the ways in which they felt “different” as kids, the consequences, both internal and external, that they experienced for breaking The Man Rules, and the ways in which they are striving to change the rules and make things different for their kids.

What does it mean to be a “sensitive man” or a “tough girl?” How can we make sure that the gender-positive message we send our kids at home override the negative message they receive out in the world?

Mentioned in This Episode

Pictures of Tim’s Most Recent Outdoor Adventure

Anchorman, one our producer’s favorite movies of all time, which was only alluded to because none of the guys could remember its name, leaving said producer trapped in a glass case of outrage and emotion.  Insert video clip: https://youtu.be/5fmHCNfowbQ

About the Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

 

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Eager to Please – Episode 48 https://dangriffin.com/what-women-want-sex/ Mon, 29 Jan 2018 11:18:14 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7137 If you’re confused about what women want sexually, it may be because many of them are confused themselves, though through no fault of their own. Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality,...

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Supporting women in discovering their authentic sexual selves.If you’re confused about what women want sexually, it may be because many of them are confused themselves, though through no fault of their own.

Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality, but this episode focuses solely on women’s particular struggles. Our guest Kit Maloney talks to Dan about the ways in which women are encouraged by our culture to disconnect from their bodies, to avoid exploring about their own sexual pleasure, and to look outwardly toward men and the media for cues on what they should and should not want sexually, rather than relying on her own inner values and desires.

So what can men do with this information? How can men—especially straight men—support women in this journey? Kit shares some great tips on how men can move beyond their own fears and insecurities about female pleasure, and support women in their journey to discover their authentic sexual selves.

Kit also offers women a special opportunity to take The Pleasure Pledge, in which they commit to exploring their own sexual pleasure, on their own terms, every day in February, capitalizing on a month that already celebrates love, romance, and healthy sexuality at its best.

 

Practical and Tactical Tips

1. Know that women’s masturbation and solo sex practice does not have anything to do with their masculinity. She’s not trying to replace you. She’s learning more about who she is and what works for her sexually, and as long as you’re supportive, is probably looking forward to sharing that newfound knowledge with you.

2. Honor how important it is for your partner to know her body and how to turn herself on. This takes a ton of pressure off of you and makes your own ability to turn her on that much more delightful.

3. When we truly honor women’s sexual pleasure, we release ourselves from so much confusion around consent.

About Our Guest

For the last two decades, Kit Murray Maloney has been an activist, academic, and entrepreneur committed to channelling her passion for gender equity into a celebration of women’s sexual pleasure. She’s earned a Masters degree in Gender and Social Policy from the London School of Economics; has been featured in Marie Claire and Glamour magazines, and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. She launched her multi-media site O’actually to create a more open dialogue around the existing taboo and yet the ultimate importance of women’s self-pleasure and to promote creative, beautiful, and HOT erotic works made by women for women. Because genuine female orgasms heal and better the world.

Mentioned In This Episode

O Actually
The Pleasure Pledge
A Billion Wicked Thoughts (book)

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Sexual Deliberation: Building a Culture of Mutuality – Episode 47 https://dangriffin.com/sex-consent-mutuality/ Mon, 22 Jan 2018 10:58:58 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7093 Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it have intensified with reactions to the story about a sexual encounter a...

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Mike Domritz and Dan Griffin talk sex, consent and mutuality on The Man Rules podcast

Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it have intensified with reactions to the story about a sexual encounter a woman had with comedian Aziz Ansari. On news sites and Facebook feeds nationwide, people are asking, “Was that encounter assault, misconduct, or just a bad date?” “Is Aziz Ansari a good guy or bad guy?” “Is the woman who told the story a  victim or a liar?”

According to Mike Domritz—who has been teaching audiences far and wide about consent for years—these are the wrong questions to ask. He and Dan talk about what consent really means and what it doesn’t, and about what’s at stake when we’re too afraid to ask the right questions. Isn’t “consent” really the least we can do?  What if we built a culture of mutuality instead?  What if every person truly had the freedom to choose whether they wanted to engage sexually without guilt, pressure, coercion, or the specter of gendered cultural expectations?

Practical and Tactical Tips

  1. Don’t think in terms of “good people versus bad people” when it comes to sexual misconduct. It allows us to disidentify and avoid having honest conversations about our own less-than-ideal behaviors.
  2. Instead of framing allegations of sexual misconduct in the news with the question of,  “Was it assault/misconduct/harassment or not,” pause and ask yourself, “Does it sound like the sexual activity was equally wanted by all parties?
  3. Take a look at yourself and determine that you’re only going to engage in sexual activity that is mutually-wanted by all partners. Nobody is immune to sexual pressures, but you can choose to say, “I will not let pressure make my decisions for me.”

About Our Guest

For over a decade, Mike Domitrz has been inspiring individuals with his hilarious sense of humor and his uncanny ability to draw hard-hitting emotion from audiences. Schools, organizations, military bases and more constantly rave about what a lasting impact he has with his audience. In addition to his speaking and writing, Mike Domitrz founded and is currently the Executive Director of The DATE SAFE Project. Through interactive presentations, creative educational resources, and unique national initiatives, The DATE SAFE Project is committed to being the nation’s leading organization for creating healthier dating environments, a clearer understanding of “consent” and for raising awareness on the many issues surrounding sexual assault.

Mentioned on the Show

The Date Safe Project

The Everyday Mindfulness podcast

“I’m a sexual consent educator. Here’s what’s missing from the Aziz Ansari conversation.” – Jaclyn Friedman, Vox.com

“Violence against women – it’s a men’s issue.” Jackson Katz, TEDTalk

“Everyone Deserves a Choice.” Mike Domritz on The Man Rules Podcast, Episode 8

 

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Episode 45: Go Coach Yourself! https://dangriffin.com/go-coach-yourself/ Mon, 08 Jan 2018 17:17:59 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7077 Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like...

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Dan Griffin talks to life coach Darcy Luoma on The Man Rules podcast about her Thoughtfully Fit framework for achieving goals.

Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like our guest Darcy Luoma’s Thoughtfully Fit®.

Through her years of experience, Darcy has learned that if you want strong relationships, effective teams, more internal peace, and greater success you need to work from the inside out. She calls this being Thoughtfully Fit and just like physical fitness, you need to work at it. Being Thoughtfully Fit can help you lead yourself, as well as your relationships with others, by improving your ability to communicate, and effectively handle conflict by acting mindfully and intentionally. It’s a great model for developing the kind of conscious masculinity we always talk about on the show, and for becoming the man you want to be in 2018 and beyond.

Also, if you’ve ever wondered about the difference between a therapist and life coach, Darcy and Dan offer an explanation and some tips on how to decide whether you need therapy or coaching. (Or both!)

For more information about the Thoughtfully Fit framework, check out Darcy Luoma’s blog.

Practical and Tactical Tips

Darcy Luoma Thoughtfully Fit

              The Thoughtfully Fit Framework           

  1. PAUSE. When you feel that you are on verge of reacting to something, create some space between feeling and action. (e.g. Don’t just ram through and hit send on that response to your co-worker’s nasty email.)
  2. THINK. Ask yourself some thoughtful questions about what you want the outcome to be.
  3. ACT based on the desired outcome.

About Our Guest

Darcy Luoma helps individuals, business leaders and teams develop and execute action plans, navigate conflict successfully, unlock their leadership potential, improve communication skills, and bring clarity to chaos is so rewarding. By posing powerful questions, providing specific tools and techniques, encouraging creativity, and breaking large goals into manageable steps, her clients achieve tremendous success, including promotions, higher performance, exceeding goals, and successfully navigating job and life transitions.

She has helped hundreds of people achieve tremendous success – personally and professionally. You can contact her through her website, www.darcyluoma.com.

Mentioned In This Episode

Brene Brown

Angela Duckworth

Martin Luther

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Episode 44: Your Presence is a Present https://dangriffin.com/episode-44-holiday-survival-tips/ Sat, 23 Dec 2017 01:19:43 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7060 Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG. Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most...

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Tips for Surviving the holidays on The Man Rules podcast.

Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG.

Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most of us feel during the holidays could most likely be described as ambivalence. There is, of course, the stress, and anxiety, and resentment and grief, but there is also the awe and the laughter and feeling of connectedness and purpose that many of us get from gift-giving, meal-preparing, and spending time with family.

In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive guys talk about their personal holiday trials and triumphs and share advice on how to use this time of year to recharge and connect with what matters most.

Practical & Tactical Tips

If the holidays tend to leave you feeling less than jolly, try some of these tips…

1. Look For Ways to Help: Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable you feel, how people are judging you, how they are mistreating you, think about how you might be able to help others. Is there someone at the gathering who is likely just as uncomfortable, if not more so, than you? Do what you can to make them feel more comfortable. Basically, you just want to look for something to focus on other than your agony.

2. Stick to Your Self-Care Routine: It may not be possible to stick to your routine exactly, especially if you’re traveling or have guests at your house, but if you exercise every day, don’t stop doing that during the holidays. If you pray or meditate every day, don’t stop doing that during that holidays. We often feel obligated to spend every moment with family members during holiday gatherings, but you will enjoy your time with them much more if you don’t allow yourself to get worn down.

3. Maintain Your Boundaries. If you know that certain people, certain settings, and/or certain types of holiday gatherings cause a lot of angst and discomfort for you, try to switch it up. Instead of gathering at Grandma’s house for an all-day eating, drinking, and arguing marathon, suggest that you all go out to a restaurant. Everyone is more likely to be on their best behavior in public and you can leave after a couple of hours.

4. Write: If you’re feeling upset or disconnected one day during the holidays, just sit down and write about how you’re feeling without judgment. Are there any memories from childhood that come up for you along with the feelings? Write about that too!

5. Find a Moment of Solitude: Take some time each day to pray, meditate, or just sit quietly by yourself for a few minutes—Maybe early in the morning before anyone wakes up, or at night after everyone has gone to bed.

6.  Slow Down and Be Aware: If you pay attention, you can feel an irrational reaction coming on in your body. Slow down enough to be aware of when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with irritation, resentment, or anger. and take a detour. Call a friend, take a walk, get some space, breathe. It may help you avoid doing or saying things you will regret later.

Mentioned in This Episode

Animal House
Loaded Questions Game
The Meadows
John Bradshaw
Claudia Black

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Episode 43: Dueling with Dualities https://dangriffin.com/episode-43-katehakis-sex-gender-equality/ Tue, 19 Dec 2017 02:14:16 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7029 “Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.”  – Richard Rohr Let’s think about the typical life cycle...

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Dan Griffin talks with Alex Katehakis on sex addiction, sexual misconduct, and creating new cultural norms for gender relations and sexuality on The Man Rules podcast.

“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.”  – Richard Rohr

Let’s think about the typical life cycle of a public sexual misconduct allegation. The conversation that surrounds each accusation tends to center around what’s right and what’s wrong. We want–no, we need–clear answers. Was it a harmless joke? Or, was it a clear violation of sexual boundaries? Is it right to fire him over that? Is it wrong to suspect the victim may be exaggerating? Is going to “sex addiction treatment” just a way for the perpetrator to try to shirk responsibility for his actions? What if the perpetrator isn’t a man? What if the victim isn’t a woman?

Dr. Alexandra Katehakis returns to the show to help Dan finally and definitively answer all of these questions—JUST KIDDING! There, of course, are no definitive answers to these questions. That’s one of the many things that makes this gender-based cultural upheaval extremely confusing and sometimes painful. While at the extreme ends of the sexual misconduct spectrum, we can clearly label some people as criminals and others as victims, there’s a lot of room in between for varying degrees of nuance.

Though Alex and Dan don’t provide us with all the answers, they do make a convincing case for embracing the chaos in a way that forces us to be more honest with ourselves and with each other, and for seizing the opportunity to have these conversations in our homes, workplaces, churches, and schools, so that we can build a better future based on true gender equality. 

Resources

If you have questions about sexual disorders or want to get some some perspective on the current public conversations around gender and sexuality, you can call the Center for Healthy Sex at 310-843-3902.

Practical and Tactical

  1. Keep conversations about sex and sexuality out of the workplace. When in doubt err on the side of caution— especially right now.
  2. Talk to your sons about what it means to be male in this culture and how to behave appropriately. And, talk to your daughters about boundaries. Take these community conversations into churches, PTAs, and communities. Just the act of having a dialogue starts to stretch our minds.
  3. Just try to be more conscientious as you walk through your days.

About Our Guest

Alex Katehakis is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Los Angeles. She has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality from sexual addiction to sex therapy, and problems of sexual desire and sexual dysfunction for individuals and couples. Alex has successfully facilitated the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalizing their sex lives.

Dr. Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in West Los Angeles, CA. She has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University. Dr. Katehakis earned her PhD from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in 2017.

Additionally, Alex appears as a regular guest sex expert every Friday on Dr. Drew Midday Live on KABC Talk Radio to discuss sex, addiction and sexuality. She has been a guest on several national radio programs and appeared on Voice America and WebMD, both live on-line Internet programs, as a sexual addiction expert. She is a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and other websites. Alex teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings and has been published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.

Mentioned in This Episode

The myth of the male bumbler

Last Man Standing

Tim Allen

Anthony Rapp

Terry Crews

Jay Z talks about going to therapy.

 

 

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Bonus Episode: But I’m Not Sexist https://dangriffin.com/sexism-the-water-privilege/ Thu, 14 Dec 2017 15:58:49 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=7020 Roy Moore. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. These are “bad guys,” right? They represent the extreme end of the sexual misconduct spectrum. Most men can easily say they don’t identify with any of these guys. They have never done the things...

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But I'm not Sexist. The Man Rules Podcast with Dan Griffin

Roy Moore. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. These are “bad guys,” right? They represent the extreme end of the sexual misconduct spectrum. Most men can easily say they don’t identify with any of these guys. They have never done the things these men have done and never would do the things these men have done. There are bad guys, and there are good guys, and they are good guys. They are not sexist. They have mothers! Sisters! Daughters! They would never mistreat women, or speak about them in a demeaning way—End of story. Open and shut case.

But… We all live in The Water. And if we really want things to change for the better for both women and men, we have to take a closer look. In this bonus episode, Dan talks about what sexism really looks like in our day-to-day lives, and explains why men need to reckon with their privilege without getting bogged down in feelings of shame and disempowerment.

Practical & Tactical

1. When someone is talking about their experiences as a woman, person of color, gay person, queer person, transgender person, etc., and your first thought is, “That doesn’t even make sense! That’s not the way I see things!” Pause. Turn any impulse to become defensive into curiosity. Instead of stating all the ways that you disagree with their perspective, ask questions that may help you better understand their perspective.

2. Listen. Listen with full attention, full consciousness, and full humanity.

3. When it is your turn to share your perspective, speak with caveats in order to create a space for you and other to talk about differences without animosity. Mandy Smith, writing for Missio Alliance, offers this excellent advice:

“Beginning with ‘I’d love to hear your perspective on this: I’m thinking…’ or ‘I may be wrong, but…’ creates space for the experience of others. It acknowledges your own subjectivity and invites conversation, trusting that the goal is for us to discover the way forward together. I know that in the white, male world, these kinds of caveats communicate insecurity. To women they communicate humility and invitation. Even if you feel pretty confident in your own opinion, it may be helpful to choose this kind of language for the sake of making space for difference.”

Mentioned in This Episode

Episode 1: How’s the Water? 

Roy Moore
Harvey Weinstein
Donald Trump

About Dan

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity.

Dan’s work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. Griffin’s book, A Man’s Way through Relationships, is the first book written specifically to help men create healthy relationships while navigating the challenges of the “Man Rules™,” those ideas men internalize at very young ages about how to be real boys and men. In 2015, Dan was honored to be named a Senior Fellow at the world-renowned leader for treating addiction and trauma, The Meadows.

Griffin’s professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. He is also the author of A Man’s Way through the Twelve Steps, the first trauma-informed book to take a holistic look at men’s sobriety. He co-authored Helping Men Recover, the first comprehensive gender-responsive and trauma-informed curriculum for addiction and mental health professionals. Griffin earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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Episode 41: Gender Jiu-Jitsu with Dr. Jamie Marich https://dangriffin.com/episode-41-gender-jiu-jitsu-jamie-marich/ Mon, 04 Dec 2017 05:40:07 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6998 Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art that “promotes the concept that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend themselves or another against a bigger, stronger, heavier assailant by using proper technique, leverage, and most notably, by taking the fight to the ground.”...

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Dr. Jamie Marich talks #MeToo and sexual harrassment on The Man Rules podcast

Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art that “promotes the concept that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend themselves or another against a bigger, stronger, heavier assailant by using proper technique, leverage, and most notably, by taking the fight to the ground.” (Wikipedia)

As women–and some men–continue to come forward with accusations of sexual assault and sexual harassment against some of our nation’s most powerful men through the #metoo movement, we are all being forced to grapple with the painful reality of gender-based abuse and oppression–And sometimes it gets ugly. Why did this reckoning come, and why now? Is it really a reckoning or is it an overreaction?  And who’s really being treated most unfairly these days?

Dr. Jamie Marich, an emotional trauma expert, expressive arts counsellor, writer, and student of Jiu-Jitsu talks with Dan about how we can overcome the gender divide through sharing our experiences with one another, having open and honest conversations and actively listening.

She and Dan also share some useful insights on how women and men can work through anger and grief in ways that help them connect with one another, learn from one another, and help one another take the fight against gender discrimination to the ground.

Practical & Tactical

  1. Form platonic friendships with members of the “opposite sex” and people across the gender spectrum. Building the kinds of solid, validating, relationships we may have lacked in our childhood and/or early adulthood helps us to grow.
  2. Explore safe, thriving, and adaptive activities–like martial arts or support groups–where women can express their anger, and men can express their grief, and have it witnessed in a non-judgmental way.
  3. Face-to-face conversations are a lot more productive than online battles. When you notice that you are having a visceral reaction to social media discussions or internet news reports, take it to your therapist or a trusted friend to discuss.

About Our Guest

Dr. Jamie Marich on The Man Rules Podcast, episode 41, gender jiu-jitsuJamie Marich, Ph.D., LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, REAT, RMT travels internationally speaking on topics related to EMDR therapy, trauma, addiction, expressive arts and mindfulness while maintaining a private practice in her home base of Warren, OH. She is the developer of the Dancing Mindfulness practice (www.dancingmindfulness.com). Jamie is the author of EMDR Made Simple: 4 Approaches for Using EMDR with Every Client (2011), Trauma and the Twelve Steps: A Complete Guide for Recovery Enhancement (2012), and Trauma Made Simple: Competencies in Assessment, Treatment, and Working with Survivors. Her newest book, Dancing Mindfulness: A Creative Path to Healing and Transformation released in the Fall of 2015. She is currently working on her latest book (in collaboration with Dr. Stephen Dansiger) EMDR Therapy and Mindfulness for Trauma-Focused Care (due out with Springer Publishing in 2017).

Mentioned in This Episode

Dr. Jamie Marich’s website

The Institute for Creative Mindfulness

Dancing Mindfulness

Trauma Made Simple

For Guys Reading #MeToo Testimonies,” Courtney Martin, OnBeing

pro tip: louis fucking ck,” KatyKatiKate

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Episode 37: NOT As Seen On TV! Andrew Smiler on how TV Shapes the ‘Average Man’ https://dangriffin.com/men-relationships-intimacy-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 06 Nov 2017 19:48:07 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6956 If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you’d likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You’d closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues...

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If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you’d likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You’d closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues regarding how people within a certain culture were expected to behave and interact with the people around them.

1000 years from now, when anthropologists somehow get their hands on our TV shows, they’re going to learn a thing or two about how men were supposed to behave in our society if they wanted to be respected or admired: Save the day, always have a witty comeback handy, be aloof – or a doof – in your relationships, and get the girl. Any girl. Actually, all the girls. And only girls, of course. As many as possible (and pretty much all of them are possible because you are the guy no girl can— or should— resist.)

Hopefully, the writings of researcher and therapist Dr. Andrew Smiler will survive until that day, so that future scholarly types can get a fuller picture of our off-screen reality, which is that most men are not promiscuous, most men do value intimacy and relationships, and most men, in fact, are not “most men.” He and Dan share some concrete strategies on how to show up as the man you want to be, not necessarily the man advertised on TV.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Andrew Smiler, PhD, is a licensed therapist and an expert on boys, men, and masculinity. Dr. Smiler holds a Masters in Clinical Psychology and a PhD in Developmental Psychology. He is the author of the award winning Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy,”  as well as “Challenging Casanova: Beyond the stereotype of the promiscuous young male” and co-author of “The Masculine Self,” with renowned researcher Chris Kilmartin. Dr. Smiler is the Board President of Male Survivor: National Organization against Male Sexual Victimization and the Editor-in-Chief of Online Publications for the Society for Research on Adolescence. He has been featured in the New York Times and Chicago Tribune, and has written for the the Good Men Project, Huffington Post, Shriver Report, and Everyday Feminism.

Mentioned on The Show

AndrewSmiler.com

Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Century Teen Boy by Andrew Smiler

“Sex guide for teen boys picks up where parents leave off” – Chicago Tribune

A Man’s Way Through Relationships by Dan Griffin

Arthur Fonzarelli

Hawkeye Pierce

Fifty Shades of Grey

Friends

Two and a Half Men

How I Met Your Mother

Cheers

The Big Bang Theory

Pretty Little Liars

Captain America: Civil War

David Schmitt

LeBron James

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Don’t F&#k It Up! (Episode 36) https://dangriffin.com/fatherhood-tips-dads-daughters-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 31 Oct 2017 23:42:40 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6952 “Fathers be good to your daughters; daughters will love like you do.” John Mayer‘s song “Daughters” — while only slightly less cheesy than “Your Body Is A Wonderland” — hits upon a very real pressure that fathers of daughters around the...

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“Fathers be good to your daughters; daughters will love like you do.”

John Mayer‘s song “Daughters” — while only slightly less cheesy than “Your Body Is A Wonderland” — hits upon a very real pressure that fathers of daughters around the world continue to face.

Almost every second of parenthood is spent shaping the life, perspective, and future of our children. And for dads with daughters in particular, the responsibility can seem overwhelming at times.

Staying present and living authentically goes a long way towards modeling good emotional behavior for our children. But what else can you do to have a positive impact on your daughter’s growth and well-being?

In this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast, host Dan Griffin and Tim Walsh of The Deep Dive Guys talk with guest Cody Gardener about their own experiences raising daughters, and strategies for other dads exploring the possibilities and challenges of such a role.

If you’re a dad of a daughter yourself, check out these tips – equally applicable to parents of any kind of kid.

fatherhood tips for dads

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Develop a parenting philosophy that both you and your partner agree on. Starting from the same page will make you stronger.

2. Let go of any need to do it perfectly. Focus on doing it consciously, and you’ll be amazed at the results.

3. Connect on her level. Remember to crouch or kneel down and look at your daughter eye-to-eye when you’re disciplining her or simply want to connect. The extra effort makes a huge difference.

4. Have fun! Parenting can be a great way to connect with your own inner child, and to reclaim the joy and wonder of childhood.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About the Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Uncomfortably Numb – Rick Belden On Grief & Loss (Episode 35) https://dangriffin.com/grief-healing-tips-masculinity-man-rules-podcast/ Thu, 26 Oct 2017 18:48:48 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6944 “The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.”  So many men could relate to that Pink Floyd lyric. Leading what Thoreau called “lives of quiet desperation,” so many of us stuff down our negative feelings day...

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“The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.” 

So many men could relate to that Pink Floyd lyric. Leading what Thoreau called “lives of quiet desperation,” so many of us stuff down our negative feelings day after day, until there’s not much room left in our hearts for joy.

It is only by feeling our feelings, embracing our humanity, and processing and releasing emotions like grief and sadness that we will ever find freedom.

But how can we begin that process when The Man Rules tell us that real men don’t talk about their feelings at all, let alone cry over them.

This week on The Man Rules podcast, poet Rick Belden joins host Dan Griffin to talk about ways you can finally start to process grief and discover a kind of strength you never knew you had.

 

 

grief loss masculinity

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. Think of the person you’ve lost in your life who was really important to you. Write them a letter about how much you miss them, in as much detail as you can. Or, if you’d prefer, you could make a video on your phone. You may find that feelings you thought you were done with are still there.
  2. Make use of the information that’s in your body. Think about something you’ve lost that you miss— it could be a person, a pet, or even a job. Then check in with your body and notice what’s going on? Are you feeling nauseous? A flutter in your chest? There may be some feeling there, that you need to process.
  3. Crying is only one aspect of the grieving process. Take some kind of creative action as a result of your grief. Create some art, write some music, rebuild or restore something as a memorial, start a community project in honor of your loss.

Bonus: Find a good men’s group, if you can. (Psychology Today’s Support Group directory is one good resource, where you can search by location.)

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

GREAT NEWS! Rick is offering a 10 percent discount on enrollment in one of his coaching programs for men for The Man Rules podcast listeners. Sign up at RickBeldenCoaching.com.

About Our Guest

Rick Belden is a respected explorer and chronicler of the psychology and inner lives of men. He has been writing for most of his life and has been using creative expression, dreamwork, personal mythology, and listening to the body as tools for self-healing since 1989.

His book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.

Rick’s poetry and essays have appeared in multiple books and on numerous websites around the world, reaching an international audience of many thousands of men and women. He helps men who are feeling stuck get their lives moving again by drawing on over 25 years of experience exploring men’s issues, masculine psychology, and recovery from abuse.

He lives in Austin, Texas.

Mentioned In This Episode

Rick’s website

Rick Belden Coaching

Men’s Group Directory on Psychology Today

Jenga

Magnolia

More Resources

Essay: Men and Grief

Essay: What If He Cries?

Poem: tears never cried

Video: Men and Grief: Does masculinity help with healing or make it more difficult?

Song: Comfortably Numb

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Sex Is A Crisis & An Opportunity (Episode 34) https://dangriffin.com/porn-addiction-tips-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 17 Oct 2017 21:45:50 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6937 Tinder. Sexting. YouPorn. Oh my! Despite all the ways that sex continues to pervade our culture, research shows that the younger generations are having less actual, in-person sex than you might think. And those having sex might still feel like...

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Tinder. Sexting. YouPorn. Oh my!

Despite all the ways that sex continues to pervade our culture, research shows that the younger generations are having less actual, in-person sex than you might think. And those having sex might still feel like something’s missing.

This week, therapist and sex researcher Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D, joins host Dan Griffin to explore the ways that honesty, vulnerability, and a little bit of self-exploration can do more for your sex life than any app.

If you’re ready to get started, try these easy tips.

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. Sit down with a piece of paper and ask yourself what you really like sexually. What’s true for you right now? What brings you pleasure? Don’t edit it and don’t judge it.
  2. Vulnerability is highly attractive when, paradoxically, it’s coming from a place of strength, meaning that you have a sense of certainty about who you are. That kind of vulnerability allows you to take the risk of being honest with yourself and honest with your partner(s), which in turn, helps you grow yourself up sexually in ways that are novel, exciting, and deeply fulfilling.
  3. Get clear about what you want in a relationship. As you start to move toward an intimate relationship with someone, pay attention to whether they are really present and receptive during sexual encounters, or if they are putting on an act. The keys to better sex and better relationships are awareness and appropriate action.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Alexandra Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles and the author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction,Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatmentand co-author of the award-winning daily meditation book, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence and contributing author of the award-winning clinical textbook Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts. Katehakis is a clinical supervisor at American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and clinical supervisor and member of the teaching faculty for the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) a national certifying body for sex addiction therapists. She is a regular contributor to Psychology Today and The Huffington Post,as well as a prominent expert panelist at sexuality conferences and public events.

Mentioned In This Episode

Mirror of Intimacy, by Alexandra Katehakis

The Center for Healthy Sex

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Episode 33: It Ain’t Just About Getting Laid https://dangriffin.com/sex-rules-intimacy-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 09 Oct 2017 16:59:15 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6926 Man Rule #1: Real men have as much sex as possible whenever possible with as many hot and different chicks as possible with as big of a dick as possible. So, if you are a man, and find yourself craving...

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Man Rule #1: Real men have as much sex as possible whenever possible with as many hot and different chicks as possible with as big of a dick as possible.

So, if you are a man, and find yourself craving intimacy, feeling attached to one of the women you have sex with, not interested in women, feeling afraid or confused about sex or your sexuality due to past trauma, and/or feeling insecure about your body— SEE MAN RULE #1.

sex man rules

For better or worse, sex is often central to men’s perceptions of themselves and to their experiences as men. Recently, at The Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, Dan presented his humorous and insightful take on the ways in which this rule is enforced in our society, and the ways in which it hinders men’s relationships and their mental health. He also shares the surprising ways in which shame and fear lead men to constantly— and unconsciously — seek emotional safety through this cardinal Man Rule.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

Mentioned In This Episode

David Foster Wallace

This is Water (Essay by David Foster Wallace)

Gender Reveal Parties

Griffin Recovery Enterprises

About Dan

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

 

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Grow Up, Man! (Episode 32) https://dangriffin.com/trauma-healing-tips-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 03 Oct 2017 22:55:05 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6922 Living life in recovery can be challenging on even the best of days. (Of course, the hardest day sober is still better than the best day living under the thumb of addition.) But with the world more on edge than...

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Living life in recovery can be challenging on even the best of days. (Of course, the hardest day sober is still better than the best day living under the thumb of addition.) But with the world more on edge than ever, and violence seemingly spiraling out of control, it can be easy  to get overwhelmed. The tools of recovery are always at hand, but when the world seems so crazy, what can you do to stay centered?

Whether in recovery or not, numbing out is not the answer. From something as extreme as turning to drugs, to simply distracting yourself with work, turning away from your feelings is not a long-term solution.

This week’s Man Rules podcast might not help anyone make sense of the tragedies of recent weeks. But hopefully, you can use these tips and tricks to take care of yourself in this swirl of insanity. Just do the next indicated thing.

Practical & Tactical Tips

Dr. Allen Berger shares his 12 Tenets of Emotional Sobriety.

  1. Develop an awareness of the gravitational pull of emotional dependency.
  2. Surrender your special status that tells you you can impose your expectations on others, and on life itself.
  3. Become aware of, and surrender, all of your unenforceable rules.
  4. Move away from environmental support and toward self-support.
  5. Refuse to live a life based on shoulds.
  6. Maintain your balance by keeping your emotional center of gravity grounded in your own truth.
  7. Look for a creative adaptation to problems.
  8. Stop playing the blame game.
  9. Claim your experience, rather than allowing your experience to claim you.
  10. Cultivate nourishing attitudes toward your problems, toward yourself, and toward others.
  11. Experiencing trouble in your recovery or in your relationships doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your program; it’s a signal pointing you toward where you need to grow.
  12. When you face trouble, add more self.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Allen Berger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in family and couples therapy, and in the science of addiction and recovery. He is best known for his work on integrating modern psychotherapy with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and for his insights into emotional sobriety. He is also recognized for his outstanding work as a psychotherapist and trainer.

He brings a highly unique background to his profession. His own personal journey in recovery started in 1971, on the beautiful island of Oahu, Hawaii. There he fell in love with recovery and with helping people find their way out of the abyss of addiction into the light of recovery. He overcame dropping out of high school, and received a doctorate in clinical psychology from UC Davis in 1987.He was trained and mentored by two brilliant clinicians: William C. Rader, M.D. and Walter Kempler, M.D..

He is the author of several journal articles as well as two books: Love Secrets – Revealed (HCI Books, 2006) and the Best Seller, 12 Stupid Things that Mess up Recovery (Hazelden, 2008)). His pamphlet How to Get the Most out of Group Therapy (Hazelden, 2007) helps new admissions understand the process of group therapy and how to use the group to optimize their experience in treatment.

His office is located in Southern California where he divides his time amongst private practice, teaching, writing and playing tennis.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Big Book (AA)

The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions (AA)

Earnie Larsen and Stage 2 Recovery

Alexithymia

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

CCAPP conference

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

 

 

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Episode 32: Grow Up, Man! Allen Berger on the 12 Tenets of Emotional Sobriety https://dangriffin.com/emotional-sobriety-recovery-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 02 Oct 2017 17:41:23 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6916 Level 1 of recovery is the struggle to gain sobriety from the substance or behavior that has taken control of your life. Level 2 of recovery is the struggle to gain real emotional sobriety and balance by gaining humility in our...

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Level 1 of recovery is the struggle to gain sobriety from the substance or behavior that has taken control of your life. Level 2 of recovery is the struggle to gain real emotional sobriety and balance by gaining humility in our relationship to ourselves, our relationship to others, and our relationship to a higher power or greater purpose.

Wow. For most of us, that’s a pretty steep climb. And you sure don’t have to be in recovery in order to benefit from that message, because really, it’s every human’s journey.

emotional sobriety recovery

Luckily, Dr. Allen Berger is back to be our emotional mountaineer and guide us along the path to a higher level of consciousness and a higher level of fully functional adulthood. He and Dan discuss the magic that can happen when we stop trying to control everything, and stop expecting the world and everyone in it to conform to our expectations.

(If you want to hear more of these two guys keeping it real, check out Episode 2.)

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Allen Berger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in family and couples therapy, and in the science of addiction and recovery. He is best known for his work on integrating modern psychotherapy with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and for his insights into emotional sobriety. He is also recognized for his outstanding work as a psychotherapist and trainer.

He brings a highly unique background to his profession. His own personal journey in recovery started in 1971, on the beautiful island of Oahu, Hawaii. There he fell in love with recovery and with helping people find their way out of the abyss of addiction into the light of recovery. He overcame dropping out of high school, and received a doctorate in clinical psychology from UC Davis in 1987.He was trained and mentored by two brilliant clinicians: William C. Rader, M.D. and Walter Kempler, M.D..

He is the author of several journal articles as well as two books: Love Secrets – Revealed (HCI Books, 2006) and the Best Seller, 12 Stupid Things that Mess up Recovery (Hazelden, 2008)). His pamphlet How to Get the Most out of Group Therapy (Hazelden, 2007) helps new admissions understand the process of group therapy and how to use the group to optimize their experience in treatment.

His office is located in Southern California where he divides his time amongst private practice, teaching, writing and playing tennis.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Big Book (AA)

The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions (AA)

Earnie Larsen and Stage 2 Recovery

Alexithymia

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

CCAPP conference

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Practical & Tactical Tips: The Gift of Desperation (Episode 31) https://dangriffin.com/addiction-recovery-tips-deep-dive-man-rules-podcast/ Wed, 27 Sep 2017 19:20:52 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6910 Addiction may be cunning, baffling, and powerful, but it is also possible. Amid all the onslaught of disturbing statistics about our country’s addiction epidemic, it can be easy to lose sight of the individual rays of hope that personal recovery stories...

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Addiction may be cunning, baffling, and powerful, but it is also possible.

Amid all the onslaught of disturbing statistics about our country’s addiction epidemic, it can be easy to lose sight of the individual rays of hope that personal recovery stories represent.

This week on The Man Rules podcast, host Dan Griffin brings together his pals the Deep Dive Guys to talk about their own recovery stories in celebration of National Recovery Month.

addiction recovery stories

Just listening to the episode might be reassurance that “it works if you work it.” But for those looking to live a better life today – in recovery or no – these tips might be a great start.

Practical & Tactical Tips

1. Take time out of your day at any given moment simply to take three deep breaths. Think about what you need for the day and what you would do if you didn’t let judgment get in the way of taking care of yourself.
2. Get outside and into nature. Go for a walk. Go to the ocean. Lay down on the grass and feel the sun on your face. Take a hike into the woods or the mountains. Ride a bike and stop after a certain point in simply look around you. Do something to connect to the world around you.
3. Reach out to one person this week and ask for help with something with which you have been struggling. Take a risk.  Let go of the ego and the judgment. Walk through a little more of that shame and give yourself the gift of support.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About the Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Gift of Fulfillment: Living The Principles of Healthy Recovery (Book by Michael Dinneen)

The parable of the long spoons

Viktor Frankl Quote on Success

Survivors workshop at The Meadows

Bridge to Recovery

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Episode 31: The Deep Dive Guys on the Gift of Desperation https://dangriffin.com/addiction-recovery-stories-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 25 Sep 2017 14:58:07 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6905 People in recovery speak a language that makes a lot of us uncomfortable. In a culture where we’re told repeatedly to put only our best foot forward and treat emotion like it’s an inconvenience that only serves to get in...

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People in recovery speak a language that makes a lot of us uncomfortable.

In a culture where we’re told repeatedly to put only our best foot forward and treat emotion like it’s an inconvenience that only serves to get in the way of maximum productivity and efficiency, all of the earnest talk about self-love and Higher Powers and connection can seem downright weird.

Unfortunately, this perception scares many people who need recovery away from the very things that could help them for far too long.

In this episode, host Dan Griffin, Tim Walsh and Michael Dinneen join forces once again to talk about why the opposite of addiction is connection, why recovery culture is nothing to fear, and how everyone — whether they are in recovery or not — can experience more joy, openness, and freedom.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About the Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Gift of Fulfillment: Living The Principles of Healthy Recovery (Book by Michael Dinneen)

The parable of the long spoons

Viktor Frankl Quote on Success

Survivors workshop at The Meadows

Bridge to Recovery

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Practical & Tactical Tips: When You Need Help Getting Help (Episode 28) https://dangriffin.com/addiction-recovery-help-tips-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 19 Sep 2017 22:29:13 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6891 This week, Google suddenly announced that they’d stopped running ads for treatment centers. The recovery world was rocked, but it was welcomed by many as a sign that Google had recognized that shady centers were gaming the system. Now, the...

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This week, Google suddenly announced that they’d stopped running ads for treatment centers. The recovery world was rocked, but it was welcomed by many as a sign that Google had recognized that shady centers were gaming the system. Now, the best resources will hopefully rise to the top.

But if you can’t depend on Google to answer your recovery questions, where can you turn?

Trying to help a loved one who is struggling with addiction can be overwhelming with so many options – and still, in a way, so few options – available.

Where do you begin? Who should you trust? The following questions can help guide you as begin to look for an interventionist or addiction counselor.

  • What is your background and training? Are you a licensed counselor? 
  • What are your credentials? Are you certified?
  • How many interventions have you done?
  • Are you a member of a professional organization?
  • Can we have references from other families you’ve done interventions for?
  • Do you work for a treatment center? And do you refer clients only to that treatment center? Do you receive any kickbacks or payments from treatment centers?
  • Are you truly independent? Is it fair to say that you work only for us, the family?
  • What kinds of placement options will you give us? How many will we have to choose from
  • How will we navigate insurance coverage versus out-of-pocket expenses?
  • How do we pay you? What are your fees?

For more on where to turn when you need help getting help, listen to this week’s podcast with host Dan Griffin and interventionist David Brown, below.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

David Brown is a professional counselor, interventionist, mentor, coach, public speaker and educator. You are likely to find him in any conversation related to recovery and the world of addiction. He is passionate about working with men and helping them on their journey.

He has done over 350 interventions. He stresses that the most successful interventions he has done were ones in which concern was conveyed without shame, without ultimatums, without being hurtful. We hold loved ones accountable without being hurtful. The family is trained to express what they see and how they feel about it and are taught that they may only be planting seeds that grow later. We tend to judge our efforts by the outcomes but we have no control over the outcomes. We just give it our best most informed shot! What is really important are the family efforts and their expressions of love.

He was educated in England and has traveled the world extensively during a successful career in international sales. He has lived in Germany, Kenya, and India and made his home in the USA some years ago. He speaks German fluently. He is an exceptional communicator, storyteller and polished presenter with expertise in strategic and consultative selling. He brings an entrepreneurial background to the Behavioral Health Field and has a unique Rolodex of important contacts in the UK, Ireland, Europe and the Far East.

He has been married to the Lovely Lucy for 34 years and is a proud man in recovery.

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Episode 29: All in the Fam Damily – Dr. Tian Dayton on Emotional Sobriety and Adult Children of Addicted Families https://dangriffin.com/adult-children-addiction-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 18 Sep 2017 20:15:56 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6882 The day that a child raised in addiction finally becomes an adult and sets out into the world on their own, is the day they finally feel free. Free from the chaos and the pressure and the terror that comes...

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The day that a child raised in addiction finally becomes an adult and sets out into the world on their own, is the day they finally feel free. Free from the chaos and the pressure and the terror that comes with growing up in a place where you never quite felt safe. Many Adult Children of Addiction (ACoAs) even gain tremendous strengths from growing up in such adverse circumstances and become extremely successful in many aspects of their lives.

There is a powerful line from the amazing movie Magnolia: “You may be through with the past, but the past isn’t through with you.” Unfortunately, most ACAs, even those who are high-achievers, at some point in their lives find that they were not, in fact, able to leave all of their pain behind them when they walked out the door. Particularly, once they begin forming intimate relationships and starting families of their own, they find themselves struggling in ways they don’t quite understand.

adult children addiction

They blow up at their kids, they wall themselves off from their partners, they have unhealthy conflicts with friends, coworkers or neighbors. They never drink a drop of alcohol or use another drug, and yet it feels like they are suddenly turning into their parents – they are slowly becoming that which they promised they would never become. What the hell is going on?

In this episode of the Man Rules podcast, Dr. Tian Dayton explains what’s going on and gives a ton of poignant and life-affirming advice on how to make peace with your past so you can experience peace in the present.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Tian Dayton, MA, Ph.D., T.E.P is the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute where she runs training groups in psychodrama, sociometry and experiential group therapy. She served as Caron’s director of program development for eight years and Breathe’s for four. She was also a professor at NYU for eight years teaching psychodrama and currently sits on the Scientific Advisory Board for the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA). She is a fellow of the American Society of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy (ASGPP), and is the winner of their scholar’s award and the President’s award. She has served as Editor in Chief of the Journal of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy for ten years and as an executive editor for eight, she sits on the professional standards committee. She is also the winner of The Mona Mansell Award and The Ackermann Black Award for her contributions to the field of addiction.

Dr. Dayton has been a guest expert on NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Montel, Rikki Lake, John Walsh, and Geraldo. She is the author of fifteen books including, Neuropsychodrama in the Treatment of Relational Trauma, The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: How Childhood Trauma Impacts Adult Relationships, Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance, Trauma and Addiction: Ending the Cycle of Pain Through Emotional Literacy, Heartwounds : The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships, Forgiving and Moving On , The Living Stage: A Step by Step Guide to Psychodrama and Experiential Therapy, The Magic of Forgiveness. She is also a Huffington Post blogger and a Thrive Global blogger. Her films and videos include The Process, A 73 Minute award-winning docudrama that uses Psychodrama to tell stories of addicts; Adult Children of Alcoholics, Trauma and The Body: A Psychodramatic Approach and Healing Childhood Abuse through Psychodrama. She is also a certified Montessori teacher and a Senior Fellow at The Meadows. For more information about Dr. Dayton, visit www.tiandayton.com

 

Mentioned in this Episode

Emotional Sobriety, Book by Tian Dayton

ACoA Trauma Syndrome, Book by Tian Dayton

I’ll Quit Tomorrow, Book by Vernon Johnson

ACoA or ACA

ACA Laundry List

Eugene O’Neill – “The past becomes the present.”

ACES Study

Dr. Rob Anda (ACES Study)

12 Step Programs

THRIVE workshop at The Meadows

Survivors workshops at The Meadows

Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse (Family Roles)

Psychodrama

Addiction and Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Hey Addiction, WTF?! (Episode 27) https://dangriffin.com/addiction-recovery-tips-man-rules-podcast/ Wed, 13 Sep 2017 18:33:34 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6870 People recovering from addiction often like to say that the disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” And although many aspects of addiction and recovery are debatable, we can all probably agree that it’s true. Humans have been suffering from and...

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People recovering from addiction often like to say that the disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” And although many aspects of addiction and recovery are debatable, we can all probably agree that it’s true.

Humans have been suffering from and dying from addiction for hundreds of years, but in many ways we are still baffled by how to treat it, diagnose it, or even talk about it.

addiction-recovery-tips

Where to begin?

In this week’s National Recovery Month episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dr. Kevin McCauley joins host Dan Griffin to untangle some of the confusing paradoxes of addiction and recovery.

And if it’s an issue that you’re grappling with yourself – in whatever form – these practical and tactical tips might be a good place to start.

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. To prevent your brain from getting hijacked by addiction, practice good dopamine health. Examine your relationship with all manner of alluring substances and processes— even smartphones.
  2. If you’re trying to help someone with an addiction, recognize that the way people who are addicted experience the world is different. Even if the solution to their problems seems simple to you, it is not so simple for them. Try to get them to a doctor, counselor, or therapist who specializes in addiction.
  3. If you are struggling with addiction, know that social connectedness will help you get through the process of recovery. Clarifying your values, making amends, and repairing damage is an important part of recovery, and people who have been there before can help you with that.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Kevin McCauley, MD was a Naval Flight Surgeon with the Third Marine Air Wing

when he became addicted to opioid pain relievers. Following his court-martial and incarceration at Fort Leavenworth and subsequent treatment he began lecturing on the neuroscience of addiction. He wrote and directed the film “Pleasure Unwoven” used by many treatment centers to explain the brain disease of addiction. Currently, he travels between his home in Honolulu and Utah where he is the Director of Program Services at New Roads Behavioral Health. He is also a Senior Fellow at The Meadows.

Mentioned on This Episode

2016 Men in Recovery Project (Video Series)

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong (Johann Hari TED Talk)

How Science is Unlocking the Secrets of Addiction (National Geographic)

Carl Hart

Howard Wetsman, MD

Mark Gold, MD

ProtectingSobriety.com (The Institute for Addiction Study)

Pleasure Unwoven (Movie)

Memo to Self (Movie)

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

 

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Episode 27: Hey, Addiction! WTF? https://dangriffin.com/opioid-addiction-recovery-the-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 12 Sep 2017 13:50:14 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6865 Addiction means that you can’t stop; but, some people eventually can. Addiction is a medical condition; but, it’s also a spiritual condition. Addiction is caused by societal and psychological factors and not by the drugs; but, sometimes it is caused...

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Addiction means that you can’t stop; but, some people eventually can. Addiction is a medical condition; but, it’s also a spiritual condition. Addiction is caused by societal and psychological factors and not by the drugs; but, sometimes it is caused by the drugs.

Some people use every drug there is, and nothing happens. They can walk away. So why can’t those others? Are they just bad, selfish people who lack morals and values? Or, are they people struggling with a chronic illness?

man-rules-podcast-dan-griffin

Clear as mud.

With addiction currently affecting the lives of 23.5 million Americans— not counting the friends and family of those addicted, who are also deeply affected by the disease— how can we have so little clarity about what addiction actually is or how to “cure” it?

In this episode, Dr. Kevin McCauley, a former Naval flight surgeon who is himself in recovery from opioid addiction, explains how something as fundamental as human choice can become part of a disease process. In a refreshingly down-to-earth way, he explains how our brains respond to the most enticing of human phenomena, pleasurable experiences, and how the system that creates those experiences can break, leading to addiction— Sometimes. Hey addiction! Seriously, WTF!

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Kevin McCauley, MD was a Naval Flight Surgeon with the Third Marine Air Wing

when he became addicted to opioid pain relievers. Following his court-martial and incarceration at Fort Leavenworth and subsequent treatment he began lecturing on the neuroscience of addiction. He wrote and directed the film “Pleasure Unwoven” used by many treatment centers to explain the brain disease of addiction. Currently, he travels between his home in Honolulu and Utah where he is the Director of Program Services at New Roads Behavioral Health. He is also a Senior Fellow at The Meadows.

Mentioned on This Episode

2016 Men in Recovery Project (Video Series)

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong (Johann Hari TED Talk)

How Science is Unlocking the Secrets of Addiction (National Geographic)

Carl Hart

Howard Wetsman, MD

Mark Gold, MD

ProtectingSobriety.com (The Institute for Addiction Study)

Pleasure Unwoven (Movie)

Memo to Self (Movie)

Addiction & Recovery Resources

Reliable resources for learning more about addiction and finding help for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

General Information about Addiction

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association

Facing Addiction

Shatterproof

For People with Substance Addictions

Alcoholics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

SMART Recovery

For Families and Friends of People with Substance Addictions

Al-Anon

SMART Recovery Family and Friends

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Partnership for Drug-Free Kids

Network of Independent Interventionists

Association of Intervention Specialists

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Episode 26: Self-Love Is So Unmanly! Ross Rosenberg on Narcissism, Addiction, and Self-Love Deficiency in Men https://dangriffin.com/self-esteem-relationships-man-rules-podcast/ Thu, 07 Sep 2017 18:26:07 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6851 They’re sexy, they’re interesting, and they ignore you. Obviously, they’re your type. Your intense attraction to this person must be love. So, you enter into a relationship. Soon, your dream lover morphs into a bit of a nightmare. They’re a...

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They’re sexy, they’re interesting, and they ignore you. Obviously, they’re your type.

Your intense attraction to this person must be love. So, you enter into a relationship. Soon, your dream lover morphs into a bit of a nightmare. They’re a bottomless pit of need– full of unreasonable expectations, vicious insults, and insane demands. Your own needs and wishes don’t seem to matter to this person at al l… So, you leave, right?

Well … Not, if you suffer from what psychologist Ross Rosenberg calls “self-love deficiency disorder.” Men struggling with it tend to be attracted to narcissists like moths to flame. They stay in relationships with narcissists, no matter how poorly they’re treated, because of an inability to recognize their own inherent worthiness. They feel, subconsciously, that they have to constantly prove that they are worthy of love by sacrificing their own needs and desires for the love of someone else.  

But, wait. Isn’t this whole self-sacrifice-in-the-name-of-love thing kind of… girly? Aren’t most men egomaniacs? How can they suffer from a lack of self-love? Dan and Ross explain all of that and more, and offer up some great resources for men who find themselves trapped in the endless cycle of pathological care-giving, addiction, and shame.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT has been a psychotherapist since 1988.  He is a distinguished international speaker, writer, trainer,consultant, and expert in the addiction/sex addiction codependency, narcissism, and trauma fields.  He owns ClinicalCare Consultants, a multi-location Chicago suburb counseling center, and Self-Love Recovery Institute, formerly Advanced Clinical Trainers.

Ross wrote the highly acclaimed and best-selling book The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us,” which draws on his own codependency recovery and 30 years of experience in the mental health, social service, and child welfare fields.  It has been published in both French and Spanish.

Ross is an internationally renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and trainer, who has presented in 27 states and twice in Europe.  Because of his YouTube channel, his work has gone globally viral. Of the more than 6.0 million total views, 4 million have been in the last two years. His current subscriber base is at 53,000 and is growing at 23K a year.

Mentioned In This Episode

Ross’s YouTube Channel

Human Magnet Syndrome (Book)

Spanish Human Magnet Syndrome (Book)

Self-Love Recovery Institute  

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

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Episode 25: I Learned It By Watching You – Dan on the Realities of Addiction & Recovery https://dangriffin.com/addiction-recovery-month-man-rules-podcast/ Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:22:43 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6848 Reality can be a real buzzkill. While it’s true that most people can drink alcohol, use prescription pain killers, and even experiment with recreational drugs without becoming addicted, it’s also true that one in seven people in the United States...

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Reality can be a real buzzkill. While it’s true that most people can drink alcohol, use prescription pain killers, and even experiment with recreational drugs without becoming addicted, it’s also true that one in seven people in the United States will develop a substance use disorder.

If you’re one of the lucky six out of seven, most of the stories you’ve heard about addiction are probably tragic. Advocacy organizations and government agencies often gather up their sobering statistics, like the one we shared above, and toss them out to the news media, with the hope that spreading the word about the dangers of the disease might help prevent more people from succumbing to addiction, and might garner more support for research and treatment from the general public. These are worthy goals, the pain and tragedy of addiction is real, and those stories need to be told— But, it’s only one side of the story.

man-rules-podcast-dan-griffin

In honor of National Recovery Month, we’ll be exploring the other side of the story. There are millions of people, like Dan, for whom recovery from addiction is an everyday part of life. They are people who have been able to free themselves from what once seemed a very hopeless situation. People who have helped restore their families by clearing a path to healing. People who are making larger contributions to their communities.

Everyone knows someone who suffers from a substance use disorder. And, chances are, if you are not in recovery yourself, you know someone who is. Even if you feel pretty certain that you don’t know anyone in recovery— trust us—you probably do. (Those 12-step programs all have the word “Anonymous” in their names for a reason.) That is what we are celebrating this month.

When you start to consider how many addicted people have found a way to beat the odds and live happy, full, productive, and joyful lives in spite of their struggles, the story of addiction becomes one of triumph rather than tragedy.
To help us celebrate National Recovery Month, go to Dan’s Facebook page and share your own story of recovery, if you have one. Let people who are currently in the throes of their addictions know that there is hope. Recovery is a reality for millions in our country and we want to make sure that reality outshines our society’s seeming obsession with addiction and the often sad truth of its destruction. For this month, let’s make the celebration of recovery the loudest message and let it ring throughout the rest of the year.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

 

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Resources

Facing Addiction

Faces of Voices of Recovery

A Man’s Way Through Relationships

A Man’s Way Through The 12 Steps

Helping Men Recover

Griffin Recovery Enterprises

The Meadows Senior Fellows

 

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Practical & Tactical Tips: An Eyebrow-Raising Approach To Personal Success (Episode 24) https://dangriffin.com/definition-success-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 04 Sep 2017 00:23:06 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6838 How do you define success? For so long, we’ve been culturally conditioned to think that fame and fortune are the ever-elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but more and more, people are rejecting that framework in...

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How do you define success? For so long, we’ve been culturally conditioned to think that fame and fortune are the ever-elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but more and more, people are rejecting that framework in favor of something that feels more authentic, satisfying, and achievable.

Jason Hewlett is one of those who stepped off the hamster wheel and created a life of meaning on his own terms. A talented impressionist and public speaker, he was once offered a headline gig in Las Vegas – and turned it down.

“I chose a long time ago that I would rather be a little bit more unknown, under the radar, just kind of doing what I want to do for families and with my own family rather than putting myself out there SO much,” he tells host Dan Griffin in this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast.

And Dan reveals that it’s an area he’s explored himself. “I’ve had to look at that,” he reveals. “My daughter and my wife could care less if I’ve written books … about any standing ovations or people that think I make a difference in theieir lives. If I come home and I’m too tired to play or be connected, grumpy, and I’m isolating because I’m exhausted, all of that – what’s it worth?”

Ultimately, a meaningful life might depend on redefining how to have success and how to have value, but keeping the promise to your family and to yourself to stay present and connected

If you’re asking yourself the same questions and ready to explore the same path, here are three tips to get you started:

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. Be aware. Are you engaging moment by moment or not?
  2. Be present. Get rid of things that distract you from being awesome.
  3. Follow the One Thing Principle. What is one small thing you could do every single day that would improve your marriage, your work, and/or your life?

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Having delivered hundreds of presentations for frontline and leadership motivation, Jason Hewlett combines message, authenticity, humor, music, and impersonations. His talk feels like a show with a message, or a keynote speech with entertainment. Few presenters can match the level of laughs, energy and appropriate material for any audience. Jason is the author of the Facebook post entitled, “ I Saw My Wife at Target Today”, which has been seen by more than 100 million people. A recent, and one of the youngest inductees into the Speakers Hall of Fame, his talks address goal setting and the engagement experience, from the perspective of a Promise. Find out more about Jason at jasonhewlett.com.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned On This Episode

Jason Hewlett as a velociraptor (YouTube)

Jason Hewlett’s facial exercises (YouTube)

The Promise of Sharing Your Gift (Excerpt from Jason’s keynote on YouTube)

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Episode 24: An Eyebrow-Raising Approach to Personal Success – Jason Hewlett on Personal Integrity and ‘The Promise’ https://dangriffin.com/keynote-speaker-jason-hewlett-man-rules-podcast/ Thu, 31 Aug 2017 16:52:18 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6833 “All the world’s a stage,”  and every writer (and/or podcast producer) makes a promise to trot out this tired old Shakespearian cliche every time we’re describing an entertainer who has something to teach us about life. It’s one of our...

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“All the world’s a stage,”  and every writer (and/or podcast producer) makes a promise to trot out this tired old Shakespearian cliche every time we’re describing an entertainer who has something to teach us about life. It’s one of our signature moves.

And so it is with Jason Hewlett, a man whose incredible facial acrobatics, spot-on impressions, and commitment to his own personal integrity breathes new life into the most overused of metaphors. In this episode, Jason explains how “The Promise” that you make to yourself has to be like the promise that the best entertainers make to their audiences: 1.) That they will commit 100 percent to their craft each time they get up on a stage, and 2.) That they will openly and fearlessly share their talents and “signature moves” for the enjoyment and benefit of others.Jason Hewlett Man Rules Podcast

He and Dan also talk about the price of going after fame, fortune, and material success, and what it takes to walk away from it.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Having delivered hundreds of presentations for frontline and leadership motivation, Jason Hewlett combines message, authenticity, humor, music, and impersonations. His talk feels like a show with a message, or a keynote speech with entertainment. Few presenters can match the level of laughs, energy and appropriate material for any audience. Jason is the author of the Facebook post entitled, “ I Saw My Wife at Target Today”, which has been seen by more than 100 million people. A recent, and one of the youngest inductees into the Speakers Hall of Fame, his talks address goal setting and the engagement experience, from the perspective of a Promise. Find out more about Jason at jasonhewlett.com.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned On This Episode

Jason Hewlett as a velociraptor (YouTube)

Jason Hewlett’s facial exercises (YouTube)

The Promise of Sharing Your Gift (Excerpt from Jason’s keynote on YouTube)

The post Episode 24: An Eyebrow-Raising Approach to Personal Success – Jason Hewlett on Personal Integrity and ‘The Promise’ appeared first on Dan Griffin.

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Practical & Tactical Tips: The Deep Dive Guys Start Making Cents (Episode 23) https://dangriffin.com/money-tips-financial-freedom-man-rules-podcast/ Wed, 30 Aug 2017 21:09:54 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6830 Mo’ money, mo’ problems. It’s more than just a rap lyric! Sometimes it seems like the more you spend, save, and just plain go about your life in a world full of money, the more complicated life can be. But oddly,...

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Mo’ money, mo’ problems. It’s more than just a rap lyric! Sometimes it seems like the more you spend, save, and just plain go about your life in a world full of money, the more complicated life can be.

But oddly, despite the fact that financial concerns underpin our entire society, money remains a taboo topic. Luckily for listeners of The Man Rules podcast, Dan and his Deep Dive Guys are willing to go there.

Listen in to this week’s episode as Dan and friends Tim Walsh and Michael Dinneen open up about their thoughts, feelings, and deepest secrets involving all things money.

If you’re willing to reexamine your own relationship with money and find the true meaning of financial freedom, this week’s tips are a great place to start.

money fear man rules podcast

Practical & Tactical Tips

Dan: Look for the original wound you have pertaining to money. (e.g., Your parent’s relationship to money, and how they provided–or didn’t provide–for you.) Cultivate a spiritual awareness of your own relationship with money.

Tim: Step out into the wilderness more often. Spending time in nature will help you see and understand the meaning of abundance.

Michael: Get out there and get a Powerball ticket! [He’s kidding… We think.]

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!
[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5684182/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

About The Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned in This Episode

Earn What You Deserve (Book)

Brené Brown on Scarcity and Abundance (Inc.com article)

 

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Episode 22: The Deep Dive Guys Start Making Cents! Dan Griffin, Tim Walsh, and Michael Dinneen Talk Money https://dangriffin.com/money-fear-shame-man-rules-podcast/ Tue, 29 Aug 2017 17:21:26 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6827 Folks, do you like a good bargain? Then you’re going to LOVE the deal we’re offering to you, and only you, our best listeners, on this episode of The Man Rules podcast! If you listen now, you’ll get to hear...

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Folks, do you like a good bargain? Then you’re going to LOVE the deal we’re offering to you, and only you, our best listeners, on this episode of The Man Rules podcast! If you listen now, you’ll get to hear not one, not two, but THREE incredible men share their fears, shame, and personal insights about money. That’s three for the price of one!

money fear man rules podcast

Act now and you’ll also receive:

  • The Deep Dive Guys’ thoughts on The Man Rule that requires a man to be the primary financial provider for his family
  • A discussion of the shame many men feel when their wife or female partner makes more money than them
  • The guys’ best tips on how to free yourself from a scarcity mindset and status anxiety.

All of which are guaranteed — well, almost guaranteed — to help you understand the true meaning of value and abundance and improve your relationship with money.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!
[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5684182/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

About The Deep Dive Guys

For more information about Tim Walsh, check out his website timwalshconsulting.com. And, you can find Michael Dinneen on LinkedIn.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned in This Episode

Earn What You Deserve (Book)

Brené Brown on Scarcity and Abundance (Inc.com article)

 

The post Episode 22: The Deep Dive Guys Start Making Cents! Dan Griffin, Tim Walsh, and Michael Dinneen Talk Money appeared first on Dan Griffin.

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Episode 22: The Generational Gender Shift — Jack Myers On Gen Z & Masculinity https://dangriffin.com/millennials-gender-roles-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 21 Aug 2017 16:56:37 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6819 Times are changing. Especially in terms of our society’s attitudes about traditional gender roles. For some, times can’t change fast enough. They are eager for a time when we’ll finally be free from the personal and professional limitations that result...

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Times are changing. Especially in terms of our society’s attitudes about traditional gender roles. For some, times can’t change fast enough. They are eager for a time when we’ll finally be free from the personal and professional limitations that result from gender stereotypes. But for others, these changes seem to signal the collapse of society as they know it. They strongly feel that following The Man Rules and The Woman Rules guarantees them a certain amount of reward, stability, and whether they know it or not — safety.  

Unfortunately for the latter group, time marches on and takes its outdated ideas about masculinity and femininity along with it. And, according to author and diversity expert Jack Myers, Gen-Z is leading the charge. On this episode of the podcast he and host Dan Griffin talk about generational shifts in attitudes toward gender norms and relationships, educational and professional realities for Gen-Z and Millennial men, how young men are (and are not) being supported in their growth and ambition, the impact of media on our perceptions of men and masculinity, and much more.

Relationship Masculinity Expert Jack Myers

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5662788/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

About Our Guest

Jack Myers, author of The Future of Men: Masculinity in the Twenty-First Century, is a recognized cultural visionary, award-winning documentary film producer, advisor to hundreds of leading corporations on media and technology trends, and founder of MediaVillage.comWomenAdvancing.org and 1stFive.org. He is also author of a guide to Generation-Z: Hooked Up: A New Generation’s Surprising Take on Sex, Politics and Saving the World, winner of the International Book Award for Youth Issues. His prescient insights and counsel make him one of the foremost global experts on the impact of technological advances on culture, society, business, advertising, marketing and human connections. He has been honored with a George Foster Peabody Award and Academy and Emmy Award nominations for Best Documentary Feature. His TEDWomen Talk can be viewed at www.futureofmen.com and you can follow him at www.jackmyers.com.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned On This Episode

The Future of Men: Masculinity in the Twenty-First Century (Book)

Hooked Up: A New Generation’s Surprising Take on Sex, Politics and Saving the World (Book)

The Women’s Movement

Generation Z

Homer Simpson

Peter Griffin

Nurse Jackie

Jack Myers TED Women Talk

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Practical & Tactical Tips: The Games We Play & Escaping Adulthood (Episode 21) https://dangriffin.com/adulthood-adulting-childhood-the-man-rules-podcast/ Wed, 16 Aug 2017 18:55:35 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6810 “Adult.” No longer just a noun or an adjective, the word has recently even become a verb, encompassing all of those activities that make adult life so dreary. As in, “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.” But...

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Adult.” No longer just a noun or an adjective, the word has recently even become a verb, encompassing all of those activities that make adult life so dreary. As in, “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.”

But what if – just like The Man Rules and The Woman Rules – The Adult Rules were made to be broken?

adulthood-jason-kotecki

Jason Kotecki and his partner in crime, Kim, have made it their mission to make adulthood just as inspiring, joyous, and freewheeling as childhood for men and women around the world. Through art, books, their Escaping Adulthood retreat and more, they’re happily working to cure the epidemic of “adultitis.”

The couple joined host Dan Griffin this week on The Man Rules podcast to explain the crucial difference between being childlike and childish, and how to bring the creative spark of childhood into your life today.

Check out the full episode below, and if you’re inspired to shake your own “adultitis,” start with these three simple steps.

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. Tinker. (Don’t be afraid to try new things.)
  2. Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do to make this a little bit better?” (“This” can be your marriage, your parenting, friendships, work, etc.)
  3. Track your stats. What’s most important to you in terms of leading a fun and happy life? Rounds of golf per year? Number of dates with your partner per year? Number of bedtime stories you read to your kids per year?

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

 

About Our Guest

Jason Kotecki is a professional reminder-er and permission granter who moonlights as an artist, author and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim have made it their mission in life to help people and organizations break free from Adultitis to build better lives, businesses, and teams. Jason’s colorful art has been collected and licensed all over the world, and his insights have been featured in publications like Inc. and Woman’s Day. He is the author of six books, including Penguins Can’t Fly + 39 Other Rules That Don’t Exist, which has been translated into languages he can’t even read. As a speaker, Jason works with organizations to beat burnout and become more innovative by breaking rules that don’t exist. Ultimately, Jason creates art, observations, and experiences that give people hope and the freedom to live joyfully. His greatest desire is to use his talents to share God’s love and impact lives by inspiring, entertaining and encouraging people to rekindle their childlike spirit and create the life they were made for. An avid eater of sugar-laden cereal, Jason enjoys Star Wars, soft t-shirts, and brand new tubes of paint. He and Kim homeschool their three weird kids and live in Madison, Wisconsin where they eat way too many cheese curds. You can find Jason at http://escapeadulthood.com, on Facebook at http://facebook.com/escapeadulthood and on Twitter and Instagram as @escapeadulthood

Let him know what you thought of the podcast and include us too!

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned on this Episode

The Kid (movie)

Escape Adulthood Summit

Homer Simpson

Archie Bunker

Brene Brown

Pia Mellody

Penguins Can’t Fly (book)

Family Systems Theory

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: The Games We Play & Escaping Adulthood (Episode 21) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

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Episode 21: The Games We Play – Escaping Adulthood with Jason Kotecki https://dangriffin.com/adulthood-jason-kotecki-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 14 Aug 2017 22:21:03 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6804 In 2016, the word “adulting” was officially introduced in our lexicon when it became a top contender for Oxford Dictionaries Word of The Year. “Adulting” is defined as “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult,...

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In 2016, the word “adulting” was officially introduced in our lexicon when it became a top contender for Oxford Dictionaries Word of The Year. “Adulting” is defined as “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” You typically see the word “adulting” used within the context of its tendency to suck.

adulting-adulthood

Thankfully, Jason Kotecki and his partner in crime, Kim, are here to save us from getting too sucked in to the suckage of adulting. He suggests that instead of putting away all of our childhood things, we hang on the creativity, curiosity, and openness that makes childhood such a special and significant stage in our lives. He and Dan talk about how The Man (and Woman) Rules might impact a man’s ability to play and have fun, to take your responsibilities seriously without taking yourself too seriously, the important differences between being childlike and childish, and how being an adult can mean learning how to play your own game.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5641654/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

 

About Our Guest

Jason Kotecki is a professional reminder-er and permission granter who moonlights as an artist, author and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim have made it their mission in life to help people and organizations break free from Adultitis to build better lives, businesses, and teams. Jason’s colorful art has been collected and licensed all over the world, and his insights have been featured in publications like Inc. and Woman’s Day. He is the author of six books, including Penguins Can’t Fly + 39 Other Rules That Don’t Exist, which has been translated into languages he can’t even read. As a speaker, Jason works with organizations to beat burnout and become more innovative by breaking rules that don’t exist. Ultimately, Jason creates art, observations, and experiences that give people hope and the freedom to live joyfully. His greatest desire is to use his talents to share God’s love and impact lives by inspiring, entertaining and encouraging people to rekindle their childlike spirit and create the life they were made for. An avid eater of sugar-laden cereal, Jason enjoys Star Wars, soft t-shirts, and brand new tubes of paint. He and Kim homeschool their three weird kids and live in Madison, Wisconsin where they eat way too many cheese curds. You can find Jason at http://escapeadulthood.com, on Facebook at http://facebook.com/escapeadulthood and on Twitter and Instagram as @escapeadulthood

Let him know what you thought of the podcast and include us too!

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned on this Episode

The Kid (movie)

Escape Adulthood Summit

Homer Simpson

Archie Bunker

Brene Brown

Pia Mellody

Penguins Can’t Fly (book)

Family Systems Theory

 

The post Episode 21: The Games We Play – Escaping Adulthood with Jason Kotecki appeared first on Dan Griffin.

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Power, Porn, and Patriarchy (Episode 20) https://dangriffin.com/porn-addiction-help-reduction-tips-man-rules-podcast/ Fri, 11 Aug 2017 16:42:16 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6799 “In the last ten years especially, there has been a more pro-pornography, feminist, sort of approach to not just pornography but women owning their sexuality,” Dan explains in this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast, “and that, in many...

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“In the last ten years especially, there has been a more pro-pornography, feminist, sort of approach to not just pornography but women owning their sexuality,” Dan explains in this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast, “and that, in many ways, one of the ways they’ve found to do that is through pornography.”

But is that really a good thing?

man-rules-podcast-dan-griffin

Dan sat down with Dr. Robert Jensen this week to explore the implications of porn for individuals and our culture at large, especially considering its role in male-dominated power systems.

“There’s nothing wrong with human beings using our creative capacities to explore the complexity of life …” Dr. Jensen says, “but there’s a difference between using our artisit and creative capacities and pornography.”

“It might be … that our sexual explorations are better conducted with real-live people and not through this mass-mediated channel.”

If you’re ready to reexamine your relationship with porn, these practical and tactical tips are a great star.

Practical & Tactical Tips

  1. Instead of asking yourself what kind of man you want to be ask yourself what kind of human you want to be. Free yourself from worrying so much about what it means to be a man.
  2. If you’re using porn, ask yourself why. Is something missing in your life or in your intimate relationships?  What are some ways you could find what you’re missing outside of pornography?
  3. Think about what gets you aroused. Is it connected in some way to ideas of male power? What does that mean?

Listen the full episode here:

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5628362/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

Please SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Robert Jensen is a professor in the School of Journalism at the University of Texas at Austin and a board member of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center in Austin and the national group Culture Reframed. He is the author of The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men (Spinifex Press, 2017). Jensen’s other books include Plain Radical: Living, Loving, and Learning to Leave the Planet Gracefully (Counterpoint/Soft Skull, 2015); Arguing for Our Lives: A User’s Guide to Constructive Dialogue (City Lights, 2013); All My Bones Shake: Seeking a Progressive Path to the Prophetic Voice, (Soft Skull Press, 2009); Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity (South End Press, 2007); The Heart of Whiteness: Confronting Race, Racism and White Privilege (City Lights, 2005); Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (City Lights, 2004); and Writing Dissent: Taking Radical Ideas from the Margins to the Mainstream (Peter Lang, 2002). Jensen is also co-producer of the documentary film “Abe Osheroff: One Foot in the Grave, the Other Still Dancing” (Media Education Foundation, 2009), which chronicles the life and philosophy of the longtime radical activist.  An extended interview Jensen conducted with Osheroff is online . Jensen can be reached at [email protected] and his articles can be found online at http://robertwjensen.org/.

Mentioned in this Episode

Getting Off: Pornography and The End of Masculinity

The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men

Candida Royalle

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Episode 20: Power, Porn, and Patriarchy – Dr. Robert Jensen on Sex & Masculinity https://dangriffin.com/porn-patriarchy-man-rules-podcast/ Thu, 10 Aug 2017 17:07:22 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6794 Imagine your life without porn. No, really. Try. What do you think would happen if you did turn off the porn for a while? Would you start to think more about the role that sex plays in your life? Would...

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Imagine your life without porn.

No, really. Try.

What do you think would happen if you did turn off the porn for a while? Would you start to think more about the role that sex plays in your life? Would you learn more about yourself and your sexuality by spending more time exploring your own body and your partner’s (or partners’)? Would you start to question whether your sex life has really been enhanced by porn? Would you start to wonder if porn had left you feeling alienated from others and from yourself?

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If you hadn’t wondered about any of this before, we can guarantee that you will after listening to this episode. Dan and Dr. Robert Jensen, author and professor at The University of Texas, have a very frank and challenging conversation about pornography and its role in reinforcing patriarchal power dynamics, which contend that all human relationships must be structured around domination and subordination. Dr. Jensen argues for a future in which both men and women can break free from these destructive patterns in their lives and relationships.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5628362/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

About Our Guest

Robert Jensen is a professor in the School of Journalism at the University of Texas at Austin and a board member of the Third Coast Activist Resource Center in Austin and the national group Culture Reframed. He is the author of The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men (Spinifex Press, 2017). Jensen’s other books include Plain Radical: Living, Loving, and Learning to Leave the Planet Gracefully (Counterpoint/Soft Skull, 2015); Arguing for Our Lives: A User’s Guide to Constructive Dialogue (City Lights, 2013); All My Bones Shake: Seeking a Progressive Path to the Prophetic Voice, (Soft Skull Press, 2009); Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity (South End Press, 2007); The Heart of Whiteness: Confronting Race, Racism and White Privilege (City Lights, 2005); Citizens of the Empire: The Struggle to Claim Our Humanity (City Lights, 2004); and Writing Dissent: Taking Radical Ideas from the Margins to the Mainstream (Peter Lang, 2002). Jensen is also co-producer of the documentary film “Abe Osheroff: One Foot in the Grave, the Other Still Dancing” (Media Education Foundation, 2009), which chronicles the life and philosophy of the longtime radical activist.  An extended interview Jensen conducted with Osheroff is online Jensen can be reached at [email protected] and his articles can be found online at http://robertwjensen.org/.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned in this Episode

Getting Off: Pornography and The End of Masculinity

The End of Patriarchy: Radical Feminism for Men

Candida Royalle

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Healing The Mother Wound (Episode 19) https://dangriffin.com/healing-mother-wound-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 07 Aug 2017 22:04:40 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6782 If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother! The late, great Robin Williams put it so well: Sometimes you aren’t even aware of how deeply your experiences with your mother – or lack thereof – could be affecting your life...

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If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother! The late, great Robin Williams put it so well: Sometimes you aren’t even aware of how deeply your experiences with your mother – or lack thereof – could be affecting your life today.

According to poet Rick Belden, the Mother Wound is “an injury to the psyche of a child, resulting from significant dysfunction or disruption of a relationship with the mother. In some cases, it is the result of a mother’s absence, or unavailability due to death, illness, adoption or other circumstances that dramatically separate a child from the mother. But more typically, a Mother Wound is a complex of injuries the child’s psyche received over many years, often as a result of the mother acting consciously or not out of her own woundedness.”

The Mother Wound can manifest in so many ways, but Rick told Dan, “One of the most severe kinds of psychic wounding occurs when the child’s primary function in the relationship is to be used by the mother to meet her own narcissistic needs.”

Where can you even begin healing trauma that is so deep, so complex, and so painful? Be sure to listen to the full episode for Dan and Rick’s insight, but these tips are a good start.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Is it acceptable for you feel angry with or critical of your mother?
  2. Do you feel like it’s okay to tell your mother “no” when she wants something, including your time and attention?
  3. How do you feel after you’ve interacted with her? How do you feel the next day?

Bonus: Write a letter to your mother from the perspective of yourself as a child or adolescent.

Listen to the full episode here:

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SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app! And please leave us a review while you’re at it.

About Our Guest

Rick Belden is a respected explorer and chronicler of the psychology and inner lives of men. He has been writing for most of his life and has been using creative expression, dreamwork, personal mythology, and listening to the body as tools for self-healing since 1989.

His book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.

Rick’s poetry and essays have appeared in multiple books and on numerous websites around the world, reaching an international audience of many thousands of men and women. He helps men who are feeling stuck get their lives moving again by drawing on over 25 years of experience exploring men’s issues, masculine psychology, and recovery from abuse.

He lives in Austin, Texas.

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned in This Episode

Rick Belden’s Poetry

Rick Belden on The Huffington Post

Terry Real (See also: Episode 4)

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Where To Find Help With Anger (Episode 18) https://dangriffin.com/anger-management-resources/ Thu, 03 Aug 2017 20:54:12 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6771 If you find yourself lashing out in ways that you don’t understand and certainly never expected, there’s hope. You don’t have to live that way any more. Dan explores the roots of anger issues — and how to heal them...

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If you find yourself lashing out in ways that you don’t understand and certainly never expected, there’s hope. You don’t have to live that way any more.

Dan explores the roots of anger issues — and how to heal them — in this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast.

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5595488/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

For more help, check out some of the great resources below.

And please SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app, if you haven’t already!

Where to Find Help with Anger

Therapy, Treatment and Workshops:

Psychology Today – Find a Therapist

Bridges to Recovery

The Meadows – Residential Treatment and Workshops

Onsite Workshops

The Mankind Project

Information:

NIMH – Men and Mental Health

EMDR.org

A Call to Men

Remaking Manhood (See also: Episode 9)

Terry Real (See also: Episode 4)

John Lee (See also: Episode 6)

Dan Griffin (See also: Episodes 1, 11, and 19)

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

The post Practical & Tactical Tips: Where To Find Help With Anger (Episode 18) appeared first on Dan Griffin.

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Episode 18: What’s Wrong With You? Men & Anger https://dangriffin.com/men-anger-issues-management-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 31 Jul 2017 18:47:04 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6764 Hurt people hurt people. Then, they feel ashamed that they hurt people, which makes them hurt more, and then feel more ashamed, which makes them hurt more people. It’s a horrible cycle that has been destroying men and their families...

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Hurt people hurt people. Then, they feel ashamed that they hurt people, which makes them hurt more, and then feel more ashamed, which makes them hurt more people. It’s a horrible cycle that has been destroying men and their families for a very long time.

Many men live day in and day out hurting in ways they can’t explain. As a result, they sometimes react with anger, hostility and even violence to the people they are closest to, without really understanding why. They love their partners and their children. They don’t want them to feel belittled, scared, or disconnected from them, but their behavior is causing just that. They never pictured themselves turning into the kind of guy who _____________, and yet…

If you can identify with any of this, you need to get some help. And, on Episode 18 of The Man Rules podcast, Dan explains all the reasons why. You might think that it’s all your fault and that you’re just rotten to the core and that nothing can be done about it. But that’s not true. While you might never be “fixed” completely, you can get better. Besides, you don’t need to be “fixed” so much as to Discover, Uncover, and Recover. It’s a long ass journey, but it’s one worth taking.

So, talk to someone. At least one other person you trust. Tell them the truth about what’s happening in your life. Let them help you find a counselor, therapist, or treatment program, if need be. It may take all of your courage, but you can face what’s hurting you, tame it, and possibly even befriend it.

man-rules-podcast-dan-griffinAs cheesy as it sounds, you deserve to love, and to have all of you loved–the best and the worst of you. Does reading that last sentence make you uncomfortable? That’s because it’s definitely against the Man Rules. And that’s a huge reason Dan wrote A Man’s Way Through Relationships. It’s one of very few books written to help men navigate the most important experiences of their lives: intimate relationships.

Mindfulness expert Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn has said, “As long as you’re breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you, no matter how ill or hopeless you feel.” And, with a little help, you can find what’s right and use it to change what’s wrong.

SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

[iframe style=”border:none” src=”//html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/5595488/height/90/width/480/thumbnail/yes/render-playlist/no/theme/custom/tdest_id/515453/custom-color/#87A93A” height=”90″ width=”480″ scrolling=”no” allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen]

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

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The Man Rules Podcast – A Recap https://dangriffin.com/man-rules-podcast-recap/ Tue, 11 Jul 2017 19:09:36 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6751 For several weeks now, we’ve been bringing you fresh episodes of The Man Rules, a podcast about supporting men through their successes and struggles. What do you think so far? Here’s a quick recap of the core issues we’ve been exploring....

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For several weeks now, we’ve been bringing you fresh episodes of The Man Rules, a podcast about supporting men through their successes and struggles. What do you think so far? Here’s a quick recap of the core issues we’ve been exploring.

There is no doubt that social expectations for men have changed dramatically in the last few decades. But, guidance for men on how they can meet those expectations has not kept pace with the changes.

The mantra of The Man Rules podcast is, “Don’t let The Rules rule you.” Show up however you want in your life, but do it consciously. Do it because it is reflective of who you want to be. Not because of the lie that says, “This is just how men are.”

RECAP: What are The Man Rules?

The Man Rules are the ideas, behaviors, and expectations that make up our ideas on what it means to be a real man. These ideas come from many different sources and can often be contradictory. They can also be confusing.

In fact, the dominant mental state that most men find themselves in today is one of confusion. Whether you are 16 years old or 60 years old these are disorienting—but also amazing and exciting—times we live in. There have never been more possibilities for who we can be in this world.

Man Rules Podcast

One of the biggest challenges men have to face before they can embrace these new possibilities lies in seeing how The Man Rules are so deeply ingrained in our lives. They rule us and shape our behavior in dozens of imperceptible ways.

As boys, we were not given choices when it came to The Man Rules. Nobody sat us down with the list of Man Rules and asked us which ones we wanted to follow, which ones caused us pain, and which ones brought us joy. No one explained that The Man Rules may actually appear to serve us well at times and to severely fail us at other times.

After years of having conversations with men and hearing the pain that following these rules has had on their lives and in their relationships, it is clear that we must learn how to see The Rules for what they are and how to choose, moment by moment, to be the men we want to be.

Redefining Masculinity

I have dedicated my work and life to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. I am dedicated to helping men be better men by helping them to see the impact of The Man Rules on their lives. I want men to find the success, satisfaction, and personal fulfillment they long for in their personal and professional lives.

My last book, A Man’s Way through Relationships, was the first book written specifically to help men create healthy relationships while navigating the challenges of the “Man Rules™. As important as relationships are to all of us and despite how much the expectations for men in relationships — as fathers and partners, especially — have changed, there is still surprisingly little enlightened and compassionate advice available to help us navigate this new territory successfully. THAT is what The Man Rules podcast is all about.

Each week, I will be sharing my own journey toward being the best man, father, partner, and friend I can be. I call it “conscious masculinity.” I will invite guests on the show to have provocative, deep, and vulnerable conversations about life and love.

I believe that vulnerability is the key that allows men to free themselves from the bondage of The Man Rules. The Catch-22, of course, is that one of the most powerful Man Rules tells us that real men are not vulnerable. And THAT is the rub! I will do my best to model vulnerability by using my own life as an example of a conscious journey of success and failure.

Failing Forward

I have been married for 13 years. I have a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter. I am in long-term recovery from addiction with over20 years on that amazing journey of healing and self-care. I have a more amazing life than I could have ever imagined. Or deserve.

I know I am blessed. And, yet, on a daily basis, I fail to be the father I want to be. I fail to be the partner I deeply desire to be. I fail to simply be the man in my community and in the world that I feel called to be.

As best as I can, I embrace that failure. Not perfectly by any means. I always say it is not about doing it perfectly, it is about doing it consciously. I know that the power of The Man Rules and the power they have had over my life are the biggest barrier to my finding the true happiness, peace, and love that everyone wants.

One day at a time, with the incredible support of amazing men and women in my life, I grow closer to being the man I truly believe I am meant to be. As the saying goes, I may not always be the best man I can be, but I far from the man I was. That is the journey I will share on this podcast.

The Man Rules podcast is about men having really honest conversations about being men in today’s society. There are no right answers. Your anger is as welcome as your joy and humor. It is a privilege to do this work. It is a passion of mine to help men and women have the tough conversations. I hope you will join me on this journey and share your own journey with me. Let’s show the world just how amazing men are.  

Where to Listen to The Man Rules Podcast

You can listen to the show online at www.themanrules.com or download it via iTunes, Stitcher or your favorite podcasting app.

Check out some of our great content here!

 

About The Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Resources

A Man’s Way Through Relationships

A Man’s Way Through The 12 Steps

Helping Men Recover

Griffin Recovery Enterprises

The Meadows Senior Fellows

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Gay Men & Their Fathers (Episode 16) https://dangriffin.com/gay-men-relationship-tips-the-man-rules-podcast/ Thu, 06 Jul 2017 04:17:13 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6735 To close out Father’s Month, jazz pianist Tim Clausen joined Dan to talk about the specific ways in which gay men negotiate their relationships with their dads. From the pressure of impossible expectations, to the heartbreak of being rejected after...

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To close out Father’s Month, jazz pianist Tim Clausen joined Dan to talk about the specific ways in which gay men negotiate their relationships with their dads.

From the pressure of impossible expectations, to the heartbreak of being rejected after coming out, gay men face their own set of challenges when deciphering the Man Rules and creating meaningful relationships with their fathers and themselves.

Doing so is a life’s work, but here are three quick tips to help along the way.

Practical and Tactical Tips

  1. If you’re gay, come out to your dad. More often than not, it turns out to be a good thing.
  2. Take the time to learn who your dad was before he became your father.
  3. If you had a difficult relationship with your father, consider forgiveness – not as a way to excuse any bad behavior on his part, but as a way to move beyond your  own pain.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app! And please leave us a review while you’re at it.

About Our Guest

Milwaukee area native Tim Clausen is a jazz and blues pianist rooted in the great stride-piano tradition. Self-taught, his stylistic influences include jazz giants Erroll Garner, Art Tatum, Oscar Peterson, Tommy Flanagan, Ahmad Jamal, and Carl Perkins. Tim has been a featured pianist at many of Milwaukee’s finest restaurants, hotels, arts centers and special events, and he has performed at jazz engagements in Houston, Philadelphia and Paris, France. In his related work as jazz biographer, Tim has interviewed dozens of jazz legends while putting together musical histories on his two favorite jazz pianists, Erroll Garner and Dave Catney. Tim published his first book, Love Together, in 2014 and will be publishing his second book on gay men’s relationships with their fathers later in 2017.

Mentioned in This Episode

GoFundMe page for Tim’s upcoming book

Tim’s First Book, Love Together

Tim’s Website

Concert video clips

Tim’s paintings

 

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Episode 14: When His Best Was Not Enough — The Father Wound, with Rick Belden https://dangriffin.com/man-rules-podcast-rick-belden/ Fri, 23 Jun 2017 17:42:05 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6707 Your father did the best he could. But, what if his best wasn’t good enough? What if his best still left you ashamed, angry, and grieving, years and years after you stopped living under his roof? What if he was...

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Your father did the best he could. But, what if his best wasn’t good enough? What if his best still left you ashamed, angry, and grieving, years and years after you stopped living under his roof? What if he was a “good man” who failed your terribly? Do you allow yourself to acknowledge that pain and frustration? If you don’t, it’s likely that the unhealed wounds from your relationship with your father are continuing to play out in your relationships and friendships to this day. Many of us find that the only way out of those dysfunctional patterns is through the pain you felt as a child. Once you do that, you begin to see your father in a whole new light and find freedom from your past.

The Man Rules Podcast

Dan and author Rick Belden talk about the father wound as a series of complex, emotional injuries to a child’s psyche over many years. Along the way, they share some of the insights they’ve gained in the process of forgiving their less-than-nurturing fathers, and offer some practical tips for beginning the process of facing and overcoming the pain.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Rick Belden is a respected explorer and chronicler of the psychology and inner lives of men. He has been writing for most of his life and has been using creative expression, dreamwork, personal mythology, and listening to the body as tools for self-healing since 1989.

His book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors, and men’s groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems.

Rick’s poetry and essays have appeared in multiple books and on numerous websites around the world, reaching an international audience of many thousands of men and women. He helps men who are feeling stuck get their lives moving again by drawing on over 25 years of experience exploring men’s issues, masculine psychology, and recovery from abuse.

He lives in Austin, Texas.

Mentioned in This Episode

Rick Belden’s Website

Poem: My Father’s Body

Earnie Larsen

Rex McCann

Carl Jung

Pia Mellody

The Meadows

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Practical & Tactical Tips: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be (Episode 13) https://dangriffin.com/man-rules-podcast-jeremy-smith-tips/ Wed, 21 Jun 2017 11:46:17 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6695 In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, I sat down with author Jeremy Smith for fatherhood tips in an exploration of how dads can make fatherhood an intentional choice — and not just something that happens to them. Modern fatherhood truly can...

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In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, I sat down with author Jeremy Smith for fatherhood tips in an exploration of how dads can make fatherhood an intentional choice — and not just something that happens to them.

Modern fatherhood truly can be a daunting undertaking, since the expectations for dads are more fluid than ever before. As you create your own path, these tips might serve as helpful guideposts.

Practical and Tactical Tips

  1. Focus on the quality, not the quantity, of time with your kids and spouse.
  2. Consciously cultivate skills like empathy, negotiation, communication, and compromise.
  3. Advocate for family-friendly policies on our jobs and in our government.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app!

About Our Guest

Jeremy Adam Smith is the author of The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family (Beacon Press, June 2009); co-editor of The Compassionate Instinct (WW Norton, January 2010); and co-editor of Are We Born Racist? (Beacon Press, August 2010). He is also the author of numerous essays, articles, and short stories for publications that include Mothering (magazine), San Francisco Chronicle, Wired (magazine), and Utne Reader. He blogs regularly for Mothering magazine, and is the founder of the blog Daddy Dialectic. Smith has also collaborated with the web show DadLabs to produce a series of segments on the science of fatherhood, and has appeared on Nightline, Forum with Michael Krasny, and other TV and radio shows. (From Wikipedia.)

About The Man Rules Podcast Host, Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A., is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert on men’s relationships and masculinity. His work and life is dedicated to exploring and redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. Dan is dedicated to helping men be better men by understanding the impact of the Man Rules on their lives and finding the success in their personal lives they are striving for in the professional lives. His professional background includes over two decades in the mental health and addictions field. Dan earned a Master’s degree in Sociology from the University of Kansas where his graduate work was the first qualitative study centered on the social construction of masculinity in the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. Dan grew up in the DC area and lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Nancy, and his daughter, Grace, and has been in long-term recovery from addiction since he graduated college in May of 1994.

Mentioned in This Episode

Greater Good Magazine

The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family

Rad Dad: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Fatherhood

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Episode 13: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be, with Guest Jeremy Smith https://dangriffin.com/man-rules-podcast-jeremy-smith/ Tue, 20 Jun 2017 09:35:16 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6683 Our grandfathers knew exactly what was expected of them in their roles as fathers: go to work, put food on the table, step in and provide discipline when the kids are especially unruly. But, today, the expectations for dads are...

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Our grandfathers knew exactly what was expected of them in their roles as fathers: go to work, put food on the table, step in and provide discipline when the kids are especially unruly. But, today, the expectations for dads are much more negotiable.

Our culture at large still hasn’t quite made up its mind about whether it is best for dads to be more traditionally masculine, or if they should be working toward a more balanced and flexible approach to fatherhood. On the plus side, this means that men get to decide for themselves what kinds of fathers they will be. On the other hand, having to make choices that will have a significant impact on who our children ultimately become can bring on a lot of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety.

The Man Rules Podcast

In this episode, I sit down with author Jeremy Smith to encourage fathers to do some soul-searching — to decide what their goals are at every stage of their children’s lives, and to make conscious and intentional decisions that will help them be the kind of fathers their kids need them to be. We also discuss the challenges of parenting adolescents, the particular demands of being a stepfather, and how men can work to improve their listening skills, compassion, and communication.

SUBSCRIBE on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app!

About Our Guest

Jeremy Adam Smith is the author of The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family (Beacon Press, June 2009); co-editor of The Compassionate Instinct (WW Norton, January 2010); and co-editor of Are We Born Racist? (Beacon Press, August 2010). He is also the author of numerous essays, articles, and short stories for publications that include Mothering (magazine), San Francisco Chronicle, Wired (magazine), and Utne Reader. He blogs regularly for Mothering magazine, and is the founder of the blog Daddy Dialectic. Smith has also collaborated with the web show DadLabs to produce a series of segments on the science of fatherhood, and has appeared on Nightline, Forum with Michael Krasny, and other TV and radio shows. (From Wikipedia.)

Mentioned in This Episode

Greater Good Magazine

The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family

Rad Dad: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Fatherhood

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Episode 5: When Life Busts Your Balls, with Dr. Jon Caldwell https://dangriffin.com/attachment-relationships-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 15 May 2017 15:09:03 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6638 When Dr. Jon Caldwell, a psychiatrist and Medical Director for Meadows Behavioral Healthcare, was a kid he worked at a golf course where his job was to pick up golf balls in the rough and take them back to the...

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When Dr. Jon Caldwell, a psychiatrist and Medical Director for Meadows Behavioral Healthcare, was a kid he worked at a golf course where his job was to pick up golf balls in the rough and take them back to the clubhouse. He saw that when a golf ball had been hit by a lawnmower, the shell would break open, and the elastics that make up the core of the golf ball would start to spew out.

You know where we’re going with this, right?

The inner core of elastics represents the internal pressure, emotions, and painful memories that influence how we, as men, respond to the various interactions and situations we find ourselves in day to day.

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Caldwell explains the ways we tend to react to adverse experiences are related to the ways in which we did or didn’t attach with our caregivers as children. There is a lot to this idea of attachment and it is essential to understanding how men experience and engage in relationships as adults.

childhood trauma dr jon caldwell

Caldwell also explains how, through mindfulness practices, we can learn to choose for ourselves how to respond moment by moment rather than reacting and letting fear, anger, or The Man Rules dictate how we show up.

SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

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About Our Guest

Dr. Jon Caldwell has long been interested in the human condition. From osteopathic medical school to his current formal practice in Vipassana meditation, Dr. Caldwell has long approached health and wellness in a holistic manner. Dr. Caldwell completed his residency at the University of Utah, exploring the effects of childhood trauma on physical and psychological health. He completed specialty training and board certification in adult psychiatry, before completing PhD graduate studies in human development at the University of California at Davis, under the mentorship of renowned attachment researcher Phil Shaver (and others like Ross Thompson and Jay Belsky). Dr. Caldwell focused his study and research on how child maltreatment effects attachment relationships and the capacity for self-regulation, adaptation and resilience. He currently serves as Assistant Clinical Professor at the University of California at Davis, where he teaches students, interns, residents and clinicians about the effects of child maltreatment on health and wellbeing. He also is employed full-time at The Meadows of Wickenburg, a world-renowned treatment center for psychological trauma and addiction. In addition to his clinical work there, he writes for The Meadows blog, lectures locally and internationally, and conducts research on topics such as childhood trauma, attachment, emotion regulation, and mindfulness.

Mentioned In This Episode

Dr. Jon Caldwell

The Meadows

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Episode 4: Breaking the Code of Disconnection with Terry Real https://dangriffin.com/men-depression-terry-real-man-rules/ Thu, 11 May 2017 21:01:13 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6634 Terry Real was talking about men and intimacy before it was cool. Seriously, this guy has been a thought leader in helping men break out of the bondage of the Man Rules for three decades. If you care about men...

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Terry Real was talking about men and intimacy before it was cool.

Seriously, this guy has been a thought leader in helping men break out of the bondage of the Man Rules for three decades. If you care about men having fulfilling relationships that balance intimacy and vulnerability with genuine strength then you will learn a lot from his conversation with Dan in this episode.

He doesn’t mince words. He is direct with humor and compassion much like the relational approach to therapy that he has developed.

man-rules-podcast-dan-griffin

Terry wrote the first book calling attention to the epidemic of male depression, I Don’t Want to Talk About It. Sharing his own challenges with depression Terry broke the silence about men’s depression. Terry helped our culture to begin to understand that if you don’t pay attention to the Man Rules you will miss so much of men’s depression because it hides in men’s need not to be or look depressed.

It is against the Man Rules to be depressed because it is a weakness. I have a good friend struggling horribly with this right now. Like hundreds of thousands of men right now he has this story inside of him beating the sh@# out of him saying that he just needs to “Man up” and get off his ass. Meanwhile, his depression is tearing him apart piecemeal.

What’s great about Terry is that he doesn’t let men off the hook and he doesn’t let women off the hook. We all have a part to play in the relationships that don’t work. As Terry says, “Leading men and women into increased intimacy? Men have to open up their hearts and women have to open up their voices.”

SUBSCRIBE on iTunesStitcher, or your favorite podcasting app! And please leave us a review while you’re at it.
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Episode Two: Can We Be Goofy & Still Be All Right? With Dr. Allen Berger https://dangriffin.com/mens-recovery-dr-allen-berger-man-rules-podcast/ Mon, 08 May 2017 16:47:14 +0000 https://dangriffin.com/?p=6742 The most interesting thing about Dr. Allen Berger isn’t where he’s been – though he’s definitely been a few places. It’s where he’s come back from. After the traumatic loss of his father at age 11, Allen developed a drinking...

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The most interesting thing about Dr. Allen Berger isn’t where he’s been – though he’s definitely been a few places. It’s where he’s come back from.

After the traumatic loss of his father at age 11, Allen developed a drinking problem, which led to him dropping out of high school in 9th grade, which led to him joining The Marine Corps at age 18, which led him to serve in Vietnam, which led to an addiction to narcotics, which led to him narrowly avoiding jail time by being one of the first soldiers to enroll in the U.S. military’s first addiction treatment program.

From there he began to shift his focus from The Armed Forces to the invisible forces that keep men stuck in their own emotional and spiritual prisons. He has been on a journey of self-examination and self-improvement ever since and has inspired many others to begin their own journeys.

Man Rules Podcast

He has spent time with many of the thought leaders who helped shape the first and second waves of the men’s movement and has been trained as a psychologist and therapist by some of the best mental health and addiction specialists in the world. Allen is a bestselling author and I am proud to also call him a good friend.

Don’t miss Allen’s Practical and Tactical tips for building better relationships. And, make sure you stick around until the end for the celebratory – and very spontaneous – drum circle led by two very special, surprise guests.

SUBSCRIBE to The Man Rules on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcasting app. And please leave us a review, if you haven’t already!

About Our Guest

Allen Berger, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in family and couples therapy, and in the science of addiction and recovery. He is best known for his work on integrating modern psychotherapy with the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and for his insights into emotional sobriety. He is also recognized for his outstanding work as a psychotherapist and trainer.

He brings a highly unique background to his profession. His own personal journey in recovery started in 1971, on the beautiful island of Oahu, Hawaii. There he fell in love with recovery and with helping people find their way out of the abyss of addiction into the light of recovery. He overcame dropping out of high school, and received a doctorate in clinical psychology from UC Davis in 1987.He was trained and mentored by two brilliant clinicians: William C. Rader, M.D. and Walter Kempler, M.D..

He is the author of several journal articles as well as two books: Love Secrets – Revealed (HCI Books, 2006) and the Best Seller, 12 Stupid Things that Mess up Recovery (Hazelden, 2008)). His pamphlet How to Get the Most out of Group Therapy (Hazelden, 2007) helps new admissions understand the process of group therapy and how to use the group to optimize their experience in treatment.

His office is located in Southern California where he divides his time amongst private practice, teaching, writing and playing tennis.

Mentioned on The Show

The Men’s Movement

Warren Farrell

Robert Bly

Richard Rohr

Gestalt Therapy

What Men Would Tell You If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV

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