Welp. Here we are. The final episode of The Man Rules podcast. Dan and Andrea (the show’s producer) take the opportunity to reminisce, reflect, and ruminate on what might be next… Sometimes, abundance comes from letting go. You’ve gotta make…
That’s All Folks.
What Men Would Tell You… About Having All The Answers
There’s no tenure for manhood. The false promise of The Man Rules is that if you follow them closely enough, for long enough, you will soon rest easy in your identity as a man. But, the truth is, a man’s…
Childhood Heroes and Personal Mythologies
All stories we relate to are based either on our wishes or on our fears. Sometimes–or maybe even often–both. That’s what makes this week’s episode with friend of the show Rick Belden such a powerful one. Rick leads Dan through…
Coping with Changing Gender Expectations
This week, friend of the show Dr. Michael Levittan is back to help us sort through the many changes in our expectations of men and women over the years, and how psychology and psychotherapy have played a role in helping…
All Good Things Must Come to An End
After more than two years of operation, we have made the difficult decision to end production of The Man Rules podcast. So, this week Dan’s solo episode–his last solo episode–is about what it means to embrace change. One thing we…
How to Stay Sober AF
Early sobriety can be lonely. Many people recovering from alcohol and other substance use disorders find that they have to change their entire social structure. And, that’s not something that happens overnight. It takes time to develop an entirely new…
What Men Would Tell You… About Winning
“If you’re not first, you’re last.” That’s the mantra of Ricky Bobby, a champion NASCAR driver (played by Will Ferrell) in the cinematic masterpiece, Talledega Nights. The great thing about that quote, and about the movie, is that it gently…
Leggo my Ego
Dr. Lou Cox has studied the ego for decades. He joins Dan to talk about his work and his new book, Ego: The Ghost in Your Machinery. Specifically, he and Dan talk about the male ego and how men…
Support the Podcast
This week, Dan’s back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.) Would…
Sugar Addiction and Compulsive Overeating
When we think about addiction and recovery, we tend to think specifically about drugs–both recreational and prescription– including alcohol. But, some people struggle with other substances and behaviors that we don’t often talk about when we talk about addiction–things like…
What is Love?
Is love a feeling or an action? Is it a choice we make, or is the result of a magical bond with another person that is impossible to explain? Do you decide to be a loving person, or are you…
What Men Would Tell You…About Sex
“If it’s true that men want sex 24/7, what does it mean if he won’t have sex with me?” “Why won’t he engage in foreplay before sex or cuddling after? There’s no affection or intimacy.” “Why is sex only about…
Doing The Work with Byron Katie
Look around your local gym long enough, and you’re likely to see the phrase “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional,” emblazoned on a bumper sticker, a T-shirt, or a bicep in the form of a tattoo. It’s one thing to…
Let’s Talk About Sex
Our culture is weird about sex. We’re surrounded by allusions to it constantly–in our advertisements, TV shows, movies, music, websites–but it’s rare for any of those mediums to address it in a way that isn’t salacious or jokey. It’s rare…
What Men Would Tell You… About Their Fathers
When we become fathers, so many of our choices are reactions to how our fathers raised us. We often either fall in line with his expectations, or rebel against them. Either way, we aren’t really making our own choices, based…
Gay Men and Their Fathers
In honor of both Father’s Month and Pride Month, we’re replaying this episode from 2018, featuring the late Tim Clausen. Tim interviewed more than 80 men for his book Not the Son He Expected: Gay Men Talk Candidly About Their…
Fathers Failing Forward
It’s not easy being a dad–at least not all the time. There were no manuals. No instruction. No classes. Not really. And so, as Dan says all the time, we do it imperfectly. We try to parent consciously, but we…
Doing It, Consciously
When you have sex (or masturbate) do you have a goal in mind? Do you approach each sexual encounter with an unconscious strategy toward the endgame? (C’MON OF COURSE YOU DO.) Cam Fraser, a certified sexologist, Yoga teacher, and pioneer…
What Men Would Tell You…About Being Cool
Being “cool” is ultimately about fitting in. And, unfortunately, one of the requirements of fitting in for most men–whether their definition of “cool” leans more toward the Jock table or the Dungeons ‘n Dragons table–is pretending that you have no…
The Unspoken Legacy of Emotional Trauma
It was a true honor to have Claudia Black, a pioneer in the study of the impact alcoholism has on families, join us on The Man Rules podcast. Claudia has dedicated her life to looking at the impact of trauma…
Daddy Download: Awesome Dads Know Their Story
Everyone told you being a Dad would be hard, right? Many probably even said, “Nothing can prepare you…” And, man, they were so right. There’s nothing we can tell you to make the transition to being a new Dad a…
What is Sex For?
What is sex for? Have you ever asked yourself that question? You may think, “procreation, of course” but that doesn’t explain why people who don’t want kids have sex. If you say, “fun and pleasure,” that doesn’t explain why, for…
What Men Would Tell You… About Fighting
As a kid, you probably wanted to be cool. And if you were a boy, being cool meant being tough. Being tough meant being able to fight and win. If you weren’t tough, you immediately felt inadequate. You weren’t…
Money Matters: Talking Finance with Marty McAlpin
Money. Everybody wants it; nobody wants to talk about it. Except Dan, of course, and his friend and financial advisor Marty McAlpin. In this episode, they give an overview of various money disorders and help us increase our financial vocabulary….
Why Men Fight
If you’re a man, chances are, at some point when you were a boy, a man in your family made a conscious effort to teach you how to properly throw a punch. That was a skill you would need as…
Daddy Download: The New Rules for Dads
The rules have changed for being a Dad. There’s a lot of pressure these days for men to be more emotionally involved in parenting than their Dads were. But without role models, guidance and support for making these radical changes,…
Men and Mortality
One of the most frequently mentioned Man Rules is “don’t be weak.” As a result, many men end up feeling ashamed when they become ill or injured. “Don’t be weak” may also be at the heart of a man’s resistance…
What Men Would Tell You… About Being a Protector
Once a month, Dan and Dr. Allen Berger sit down to talk about a chapter from their forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You…If We Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV. The title of the book is meant to be humorous,…
Keep It Clean
Once Tidying up with Marie Kondo hit Netflix this past January, it seemed like everyone was suddenly talking about the real impact of household upkeep on our minds, bodies, and spirits. Of course, conversations about the division of household labor…
How’s The Water?
All too often men are tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle we face, we’re often given some version of the same, age-old advice: “Man Up.” (What the hell does that even mean? Especially…
Why Aren’t I Happy? Men and Depression
Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. As this week’s guest, Terry Real, puts it men either feel that they are failing the…
Not as Seen on TV
This episode is a replay of one we first posted in back in 2017. Gillette’s recent “Toxic Masculinity” ad recently brought ideas about the ways in which men are portrayed in popular media to the mainstream. Dr. Andrew Smiler has…
Keeping it 100
Is “keeping it 100” a thing people still say these days? Many eons ago, back in 2015, it meant “to be you, be honest, be true to yourself and the people you love, be unapologetic but respectful at the same…
Making Habits Last
For many of us, vowing to change our habits at the beginning of a New Year has become, well… a habit. Unfortunately, all of the hope and good intentions we have on December 31st, rarely sustains us past the second…
What Men Would Tell You…About Vulnerability
There are two ways we tend to think about vulnerability these days. The first is in terms of our technology. When websites like Facebook experience a data breach, we are reminded that our personal information is “vulnerable” to hackers. (That’s…
How to Get Over Yourself
In our monthly Deep Dive episode, Dan talks in depth with one man about how The Man Rules have impacted his life, and how he has worked toward a more conscious masculinity. This week Michael Dinneen manages to say a…
Scheduled Maintenance For Your Soul
This post is being brought to you from the great city of Indianapolis, where Producer Andrea lives. For those who are unfamiliar, the Indy 500 is a race where odd looking vehicles with really big tires whip around a circular…
What Men Would Tell You… About Crying
The Man Rules Podcast has been blessed to have our producer, Andrea Sauceda, since we began in May 2017. We are a small podcast with very little budget and she has given her time graciously and generously. She is taking…
A Tribute to Tim Clausen
Tim Clausen, author, jazz musician, and friend of The Man Rules podcast, passed away on July 29. Tim was on a mission to help men—especially gay men—find their voices, find peace, and find love in all of its many forms….
What Men Would Tell You… About Women
It’s been said that men are women are from totally different planets. All of the struggles they have in relating to one another are a result of the fact that they are just two totally different species, and the only…
It’s the First Anniversary of The Man Rules Podcast!
When we started The Man Rules podcast one year ago, we had no idea what we were doing. We knew that we wanted to offer a self-improvement resource for men that went way beyond the whole, “how to get laid,…
Turn Your Fears Into Actions – Episode 59
Jess Pettitt is, among other things, a diversity educator. Did you just roll your eyes at that? Did you shudder at the memory of a terrible corporate diversity training you we forced to attend in the past? Did you recall…
What’s Left When It All Falls Away – Episode 51
For Jason MacKenzie, everything was going as planned. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, two kids, a nice house, and a nice car. So, how did he one day find himself, widowed, and drinking until he passed out…
The Deep Dive Guys Do It Differently – Episode 49
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, The Deep Dive Guys (Tim Walsh, Michael Dinneen, and Dan) talk about the ways in which they felt “different” as kids, the consequences, both internal and external, that they experienced for breaking…
Eager to Please – Episode 48
If you’re confused about what women want sexually, it may be because many of them are confused themselves, though through no fault of their own. Most of us, men as well as women, feel confusion about sex and our sexuality,…
Episode 45: Go Coach Yourself!
Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like…
Episode 44: Your Presence is a Present
Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it’s finally over. BAH HUMBUG. Okay–so maybe it’s not that cut and dried. What most…
Episode 43: Dueling with Dualities
“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.” – Richard Rohr Let’s think about the typical life cycle…
Bonus Episode: But I’m Not Sexist
Roy Moore. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. These are “bad guys,” right? They represent the extreme end of the sexual misconduct spectrum. Most men can easily say they don’t identify with any of these guys. They have never done the things…
Episode 37: NOT As Seen On TV! Andrew Smiler on how TV Shapes the ‘Average Man’
If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you’d likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You’d closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Don’t F&#k It Up! (Episode 36)
“Fathers be good to your daughters; daughters will love like you do.” John Mayer‘s song “Daughters” — while only slightly less cheesy than “Your Body Is A Wonderland” — hits upon a very real pressure that fathers of daughters around the…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Uncomfortably Numb – Rick Belden On Grief & Loss (Episode 35)
“The child is grown, the dream is gone. I have become comfortably numb.” So many men could relate to that Pink Floyd lyric. Leading what Thoreau called “lives of quiet desperation,” so many of us stuff down our negative feelings day…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Sex Is A Crisis & An Opportunity (Episode 34)
Tinder. Sexting. YouPorn. Oh my! Despite all the ways that sex continues to pervade our culture, research shows that the younger generations are having less actual, in-person sex than you might think. And those having sex might still feel like…
Episode 33: It Ain’t Just About Getting Laid
Man Rule #1: Real men have as much sex as possible whenever possible with as many hot and different chicks as possible with as big of a dick as possible. So, if you are a man, and find yourself craving…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Grow Up, Man! (Episode 32)
Living life in recovery can be challenging on even the best of days. (Of course, the hardest day sober is still better than the best day living under the thumb of addition.) But with the world more on edge than…
Episode 32: Grow Up, Man! Allen Berger on the 12 Tenets of Emotional Sobriety
Level 1 of recovery is the struggle to gain sobriety from the substance or behavior that has taken control of your life. Level 2 of recovery is the struggle to gain real emotional sobriety and balance by gaining humility in our…
Practical & Tactical Tips: The Gift of Desperation (Episode 31)
Addiction may be cunning, baffling, and powerful, but it is also possible. Amid all the onslaught of disturbing statistics about our country’s addiction epidemic, it can be easy to lose sight of the individual rays of hope that personal recovery stories…
Episode 31: The Deep Dive Guys on the Gift of Desperation
People in recovery speak a language that makes a lot of us uncomfortable. In a culture where we’re told repeatedly to put only our best foot forward and treat emotion like it’s an inconvenience that only serves to get in…
Practical & Tactical Tips: When You Need Help Getting Help (Episode 28)
This week, Google suddenly announced that they’d stopped running ads for treatment centers. The recovery world was rocked, but it was welcomed by many as a sign that Google had recognized that shady centers were gaming the system. Now, the…
Episode 29: All in the Fam Damily – Dr. Tian Dayton on Emotional Sobriety and Adult Children of Addicted Families
The day that a child raised in addiction finally becomes an adult and sets out into the world on their own, is the day they finally feel free. Free from the chaos and the pressure and the terror that comes…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Hey Addiction, WTF?! (Episode 27)
People recovering from addiction often like to say that the disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” And although many aspects of addiction and recovery are debatable, we can all probably agree that it’s true. Humans have been suffering from and…
Episode 27: Hey, Addiction! WTF?
Addiction means that you can’t stop; but, some people eventually can. Addiction is a medical condition; but, it’s also a spiritual condition. Addiction is caused by societal and psychological factors and not by the drugs; but, sometimes it is caused…
Episode 26: Self-Love Is So Unmanly! Ross Rosenberg on Narcissism, Addiction, and Self-Love Deficiency in Men
They’re sexy, they’re interesting, and they ignore you. Obviously, they’re your type. Your intense attraction to this person must be love. So, you enter into a relationship. Soon, your dream lover morphs into a bit of a nightmare. They’re a…
Episode 25: I Learned It By Watching You – Dan on the Realities of Addiction & Recovery
Reality can be a real buzzkill. While it’s true that most people can drink alcohol, use prescription pain killers, and even experiment with recreational drugs without becoming addicted, it’s also true that one in seven people in the United States…
Episode 24: An Eyebrow-Raising Approach to Personal Success – Jason Hewlett on Personal Integrity and ‘The Promise’
“All the world’s a stage,” and every writer (and/or podcast producer) makes a promise to trot out this tired old Shakespearian cliche every time we’re describing an entertainer who has something to teach us about life. It’s one of our…
Practical & Tactical Tips: The Deep Dive Guys Start Making Cents (Episode 23)
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. It’s more than just a rap lyric! Sometimes it seems like the more you spend, save, and just plain go about your life in a world full of money, the more complicated life can be. But oddly,…
Episode 22: The Deep Dive Guys Start Making Cents! Dan Griffin, Tim Walsh, and Michael Dinneen Talk Money
Folks, do you like a good bargain? Then you’re going to LOVE the deal we’re offering to you, and only you, our best listeners, on this episode of The Man Rules podcast! If you listen now, you’ll get to hear…
Episode 22: The Generational Gender Shift — Jack Myers On Gen Z & Masculinity
Times are changing. Especially in terms of our society’s attitudes about traditional gender roles. For some, times can’t change fast enough. They are eager for a time when we’ll finally be free from the personal and professional limitations that result…
Practical & Tactical Tips: The Games We Play & Escaping Adulthood (Episode 21)
“Adult.” No longer just a noun or an adjective, the word has recently even become a verb, encompassing all of those activities that make adult life so dreary. As in, “I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.” But…
Episode 21: The Games We Play – Escaping Adulthood with Jason Kotecki
In 2016, the word “adulting” was officially introduced in our lexicon when it became a top contender for Oxford Dictionaries Word of The Year. “Adulting” is defined as “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult,…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Power, Porn, and Patriarchy (Episode 20)
“In the last ten years especially, there has been a more pro-pornography, feminist, sort of approach to not just pornography but women owning their sexuality,” Dan explains in this week’s episode of The Man Rules podcast, “and that, in many…
Episode 20: Power, Porn, and Patriarchy – Dr. Robert Jensen on Sex & Masculinity
Imagine your life without porn. No, really. Try. What do you think would happen if you did turn off the porn for a while? Would you start to think more about the role that sex plays in your life? Would…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Healing The Mother Wound (Episode 19)
If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother! The late, great Robin Williams put it so well: Sometimes you aren’t even aware of how deeply your experiences with your mother – or lack thereof – could be affecting your life…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Where To Find Help With Anger (Episode 18)
If you find yourself lashing out in ways that you don’t understand and certainly never expected, there’s hope. You don’t have to live that way any more. Dan explores the roots of anger issues — and how to heal them…
Episode 18: What’s Wrong With You? Men & Anger
Hurt people hurt people. Then, they feel ashamed that they hurt people, which makes them hurt more, and then feel more ashamed, which makes them hurt more people. It’s a horrible cycle that has been destroying men and their families…
The Man Rules Podcast – A Recap
For several weeks now, we’ve been bringing you fresh episodes of The Man Rules, a podcast about supporting men through their successes and struggles. What do you think so far? Here’s a quick recap of the core issues we’ve been exploring….
Practical & Tactical Tips: Gay Men & Their Fathers (Episode 16)
To close out Father’s Month, jazz pianist Tim Clausen joined Dan to talk about the specific ways in which gay men negotiate their relationships with their dads. From the pressure of impossible expectations, to the heartbreak of being rejected after…
Episode 14: When His Best Was Not Enough — The Father Wound, with Rick Belden
Your father did the best he could. But, what if his best wasn’t good enough? What if his best still left you ashamed, angry, and grieving, years and years after you stopped living under his roof? What if he was…
Practical & Tactical Tips: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be (Episode 13)
In this episode of The Man Rules podcast, I sat down with author Jeremy Smith for fatherhood tips in an exploration of how dads can make fatherhood an intentional choice — and not just something that happens to them. Modern fatherhood truly can…
Episode 13: Fear Of The Dad You Could Be, with Guest Jeremy Smith
Our grandfathers knew exactly what was expected of them in their roles as fathers: go to work, put food on the table, step in and provide discipline when the kids are especially unruly. But, today, the expectations for dads are…
Episode 5: When Life Busts Your Balls, with Dr. Jon Caldwell
When Dr. Jon Caldwell, a psychiatrist and Medical Director for Meadows Behavioral Healthcare, was a kid he worked at a golf course where his job was to pick up golf balls in the rough and take them back to the…
Episode 4: Breaking the Code of Disconnection with Terry Real
Terry Real was talking about men and intimacy before it was cool. Seriously, this guy has been a thought leader in helping men break out of the bondage of the Man Rules for three decades. If you care about men…
Episode Two: Can We Be Goofy & Still Be All Right? With Dr. Allen Berger
The most interesting thing about Dr. Allen Berger isn’t where he’s been – though he’s definitely been a few places. It’s where he’s come back from. After the traumatic loss of his father at age 11, Allen developed a drinking…
Episode 1: How’s The Water? A Man Rules Primer
So much has changed in regards to how we expect men and women to show up in the last few decades. All too often, as men, we’re tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle…
Love is Boring
Here is what I have concluded after thirteen years of marriage: Love is boring.
Do You Know the Story of Your Life is the Greatest Story Ever Told
We all have our stories. Every man has his story of how he has become the man he is today. Yet, we do not always put a lot of time into knowing our story – or sharing it with others. …